So I feel maybe left out or maybe jealous or confused. I don't know, a lot of different things, but I guess I want to hear from you all what you have felt when deciding to have kids, what has gone into your thought process of doing it or not doing it? And how do you decide? I guess that's where I'm at right now is like, thinking. I always thought pregnancy was, like, the thing I could never do
Actually in all my long term relationships, including the one I'm in right now, I resist it because I am so overly I'm an advisor for an orphanage in India. So I also volunteered a lot with a lot of underserved communities here in California. And I see over and over again, there are so many children without parents or they have parents who can't be adequate parents. And there are so many children who need family. Right
Deborah Pardes
@DBPardes · 1:45
And then on top of that is the news of someone you love and what they're deciding and how they're going to move through life differently now that they're going to be a parent. But I feel the lack of what are these feelings and how much are they personal feelings and how much they just connected to the disconnection you had and not knowing about it. And it's scary to talk about stuff until it happened
Zara Lisbon
@ZLisbon · 1:12
I've always had this idea that I would want to adopt because I think it would be rewarding to be a mother, but I don't think I can make the choice to bring a human into the world. And then it's completely strange when you do see people you know and love doing it. I think it's just disorienting. It's a head trip. But thanks for contributing that. It's cool to cool to get responses
Zara Lisbon
@ZLisbon · 1:12
But I have a lot of reasons why I don't want to break up a person into the world. I don't know. I just don't feel great about it when there are so many kids who need homes. I want to help that problem more than anything. So thanks for talking about it. That's cool and encouraging
Zara Lisbon
@ZLisbon · 1:27
Yes, exactly. It's like this very messy experience. Like not anything cut and dry or black and white. It's like everyone's making these different decisions and you have so many different feelings about it. And of course I've been meditating a bit on, like, obviously if she didn't want to tell anyone about it, it's like this extremely personal thing. And I don't blame her for that
Yeah. Wow. I've done a lot of research physically volunteering at Orphan Nidges that are run by the city, San Diego and Los Angeles, as well as in Manhattan, in New York and Florida. And I've also visited Red Cross orphanages and documented them and documentaries. And over and over again, I see really bad patterns. There's Catholic orphanages and Christian orphanages now, but I see these really bad habits and patterns of severe lack of interactivity with the community of playfulness
Zara Lisbon
@ZLisbon · 1:30
And it's just a sad place to be. It would be so cool. So just incredible. If there was an actual safe place that nurtured them in various ways. Meditation, yoga, art. Good, well rounded education that isn't religion based. Anyway, this is really cool. Very cool. To find a like minded person. Let's keep talking about it. Yeah
Sontaia Briggs
@PKBriggs · 2:31
And then after that, I was like, forget it, because I didn't want to be an old parent and lots of parents older, but I personally just don't want to be 50 with, like, a five year old. That's just not something that I find particularly appealing, personally speaking. And then also to missing scientists point. I work with youth in different contexts, after school programs, College counseling, and there's a lot of kids already here that just don't have someone
Finley Ave
@finnave · 1:59
Hey. So I think it is so easy to just follow the blueprints that society set for life. And typically that entails getting married and having children. But as with any major decision, it's very important to question the why. For example, a lot of the times people make a decision upon seeking validation, but they don't realize that's what they're doing
Zara Lisbon
@ZLisbon · 0:54
But if anything, this new change in my life via my friend is helping me realize just how much I want to adopt or foster or find some way to be of service to the children who do need help. So thanks for continuing the conversation. You're
Zara Lisbon
@ZLisbon · 1:22
Oh, it is absolutely so weird the way people change when they do have babies. And they're just like, she's going to have this huge primary responsibility that's going to be the center for life for a really long time. And it's so wild to me that people so many people are Kendy to jump in and make that decision and commitment
Barbara KB
@barbarakb · 4:06
Because honestly, when it comes to having children and when you have them and why you have them, there's so many ways to go at this. And I would argue that none are wrong and none are right. It's really going to just depend on you, depend on the partner or no partner, depend on your situation in life. There's just so many ways that women deal with fertility. There's so many ways that men deal with fertility
Zara Lisbon
@ZLisbon · 1:43
There's this whole sort of illusion or idea that there's this big difference of like women who chose versus didn't choose to have babies, had babies versus didn't have babies, became mothers versus didn't become mothers. But we're all still women and we're all still living life having these life experiences. I'm really tired. I normally don't wake up. I woke up at 06:00 a.m. This morning so I'm not even thinking clearly. But thank you so much for your reply