Perspective regarding relationships
I mean, let's be honest. Relationships are the foundation of a human being. We weren't created to just be by ourselves, not speak to anyone. Relationship is about growth and about learning one another and learning yourself. How we get involved with others, how we choose to allow a person to enter into our space to begin a relationship has to do with the way we were raised, the culture, the environment. And I had mentioned on a reply from what about your friends?
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:11
As a human, hey, I need downtime. If you're not specifically dying or in a situation where you really critically need my assistance, I need this downtime. And he respects that because what I want to model for him is that when he one day in the future, he's blessed to become a father, a husband in a relationship. I want him to be able to be able to say, this is what I need for myself
I find an interesting theme that more often than not in these types of conversations no one really wants to put some type of expectation on the other person. There's always this thing of kind of getting to the space where we give an out to the other person for their responsibility in the relationship. This thread started in the other conversation. What about your friends talking about people who are not being correct towards ourselves when we're in a relationship with them?
But when you're talking about entering into a relationship with someone that is beyond just a situation where you're passing by or your acquaintances or you're just there for a season, when you're talking about maintaining a relationship because there is a such thing as a maintained relationship that you do keep in those situations. When you're looking to be in that position, what can you expect? What should you be able to expect from your partner in that relationship?
Deborah Pardes
@DBPardes · 2:28
And when a relationship is flowing, all those boxes tend to be checked for me. Good listening, good hanging, good growth, good spirit, just like that proverbial couch that you want to sit on. But when there's a gap and there needs to be exquisite communication between two people and you put your best foot forward and it's not met with welcoming eyes and arms, that's always a red flag
But then there's always the beautiful chance that you will run into the person who will be like, I have been looking for this same type of communication, this same type of love, this same type of expression, and I want to be able to give that to you because that's what I want given to me. And then you have a beautiful interaction, but you can't have that without being willing to actually have the conversations
Khadijah H
@Mindsetmatters2 · 4:23
So your swell cast popped up and so talking about relationship and I'm always down for some deep conversations and just trying to hear what other people are saying. So I appreciate you. I appreciate you with your viewpoints and I hope to hear more from you
Hi. Mindset matters. I love your response. I think we're on the same page as far as who we are in the friendship circle. In that arena, we're always the dependable ones. We're always the ones that the friends come to talk, to, get advice from. And, you know, that makes me happy. It really makes me happy. Someone has to be the person to put things into perspective for others sometime
Oh, my gosh. The analogy that you used about the flight attendant when she does, you know, make sure you put your mask on before you put someone else's on. I just used that analogy with my cousin the other day. All these conversations are much needed. Everything you said was perfect on time. You do need that downtime. And it's not selfish. Relationships are all interdependent. It can't be just one person working in the other one, just leaning
Because that word strong, especially for us as black women, it it's a blessing, but it's also a curse because we can't be strong 24 hours a day for everybody. We need to be for ourselves. For me, in the vetting process, when I am getting involved with someone new, as far as whether it's a friendship, a girlfriendship, a guy friendship, because we're the ones that everyone's leaning on
It just means that they don't fit a certain puzzle piece in your life. Whatever lesson, whatever lessons that needs to be taught, whatever mirror that needs to be held up to your face. Each relationship has a purpose. I think we're in the age of, okay, I'm going to just cut this person off. I'm going to cut that person off. And in some instances, that needs to happen and then it happens more than you'd like it to happen
And the thing about it is we are still human beings. We still have the same issues, the same weaknesses, the same sorrows, the same trials, the same moments of sadness as any other human being. And what I am actually speaking to when I was asking the questions that I asked earlier and talking about the subject I was talking about earlier, is that I've gotten to a place where I'm wondering, are we actually doing people a service by allowing them to be emotionally immature?
And so if it's not something you're into, I totally get it. No harm, no problem. But just don't tell me that's what you want and that's not really what you want. The person assured me, oh, that's what I want. I love that you're telling me this. I love that you're expressing this. And then they have proceeded to not be a friend at all in the way they said they were going to be a friend
And you hit the nail on the head when you said emotional immaturity. It's really hard for the empathetic person, the strong person, to meet that other person that will reciprocate what your needs, what you communicated. It's an uphill battle, but you'll get there. In our journeys, we meet certain people that are there to teach us lessons. Chalk it up as, you know what, I know what to look for when I'm betting. You know what I mean?
You go into work, you get to your job, and then your boss asks you for what they said in the advertisement they were looking for, ask you to do the job that you applied for, ask you to do the work that you said you could do. And now you are, in no uncertain terms, f***** because you cannot do this job. You do not have the experience. You do not have the education. You never worked in this industry
Khadijah H
@Mindsetmatters2 · 4:17
So I had to take it upon myself to pull back for a minute so that I could, what, fill up my own cup, you know what I mean? I had to fill up my own cup. After I'm lending an ear and trying to help them sort through their issues, that was taking a toll on me, you know what I mean? And I just had to be like, hey, I can't do this right now