That's very provocative because most people associate being polite is a good thing, but you are not being polite to yourself. You actually are sacrificing your essence in order to make someone feel good in hopes that it will make you look good. But if you don't feel good, it will never be good versus being kind and respectful. You get to abdicate your truth in a manner that hopefully preaches to people or conveys to people. You can do this too
Bernie Goldbach
@topgold · 0:49
I really do need to work on my podcast stuff because students listen to that. Yeah. Anyway, polite kind huggable, Dewuan. And from what I understand, all the ladies still throwing themselves at you. What's going on there
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 3:16
You're not just doing it necessarily to make yourself feel good, but you're doing it because it's really not your place to say anything. And it's being kind because you're not pointing out something that might make them feel bad at the moment, but also really has no import on your relationship with them, whether what they look like one way or another isn't going to affect them. And they're a grown person. So you shouldn't be policing how they look
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:32
Most people don't want to make people feel bad when they walk away, and that's why they will say, hey, How's your day going? Oh, that's who I'm looking for. Hey, good morning. Hey. Hello. Are there he is or there she is. Did you watch the game last night? That sort of stuff. That small talk
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:41
Now, there are some times where a person will say something on a post and I'm listening to it, and I think the post is crap. I could tell them that, but I think speaking louder is that I don't say nothing at all because I'm voting with my time and energy if I decide to say something at all. So I just don't say nothing. And the ladies seeing me as sexy. Where are these women at, Bernie? I'm still looking
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 4:46
But I'll say overall, the idea of being ladylike or whatever, that there is a certain assumption about women versus men if you've been socialized that way, saying, oh, well, just give that up. Just stop being polite. That's not helpful. That's not authentic. That's not sincere. That's not kind or whatever. I think it's just not fair, and it's not putting yourself in someone else's shoes
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:49
I eat a lot of foods, consume goods that are of cultures that are not my own, but in fact, are my own because it is of my identity. So I am fully aware of these things. But that doesn't mean I have to assimilate to said culture completely and unequivocally. And I think what we are saying here, you and I, we're saying the same thing, but just different aspects of personality
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 4:17
Not just that I try to consider people's feelings, but I can't help consider feelings, but in doing so, I'm not necessarily accommodating them at the expense of my feelings and going back to being polite and understanding people's social boundaries. And you're talking about learning someone's language
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:58
As a kid, I realized now, as I'm older, that's what I saw. And you had mentioned your child on the spectrum. I have two kids there on the spectrum. And, yes, it's interesting, right? Looking at emotion as a language, it's very interesting, but it is like that for me. It is something I'm not fluent in. It's something I'm learning to be more fluent in as I get older
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 3:20
Just your brain works in one way, and my brain works in another way. Obviously, there's a spectrum of being empathetic too. So I'm sorry if I came across as saying or giving you the impression that I'm saying that my way of being in the world is different, just that I don't see value for me and not being empathetic or not being polite at times, just as you don't find value in being empathetic in every circumstance
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 5:00
How dare you apologize for your daughter, burping. She is at the age where she doesn't need to be polite. Let the fun be ruined for her when she gets old. And this adulting thing is actually not what is cracked up to be all these rules and everything I get. It totally understandable. I'm a father of five. My kids often frequently make my swells, and it can be quite unruly. And yes, to the matter at hand
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 1:01
So anyway, that's funny that it was an example of someone that could be a little Kinder by being more polite. But thank you for this conversation. You've made me think more deeply about different personalities and how different people interpret different behaviors and relate to people a little bit differently. So maybe other people can weigh in about this. And that would be really interesting
Kamahana Kealoha
@Kamahana · 1:24
So I try to respectfully disagree if that needs to happen or offer criticism, which is pretty much frowned upon in the real culture of all the people, which is a polite culture we live in, as opposed to a kind culture. I'll prefer to live in a more kind culture, but I understand the positive benefits and drawbacks of a polite culture. I hope that helps answer any question or pertains to your topic, at least. Aloha
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:22
It's disrespectful to a lot of people because it's an emotionally charged situation in which a person lost his life or two people. I'm sorry, I don't know too much of what's going on with it. I've loosely been following it, but it's interesting you always will disrespect somebody when you disagree with them, but I guess with being polite, you are purposely making an attempt not to disrespect them. So it's not even a respectful thing to disagree
Sontaia Briggs
@PKBriggs · 0:44
Hey, good afternoon. This is a really great swell and a great topic. I don't really have anything to add. I was just listening to you all. And being a person who has been, I don't know what the right word is, but just being, I guess, looked down upon for my desire to be polite and kind sometimes as some type of weakness. I do appreciate that
Niki Ebrahimnejad
@N1kkums · 2:55
Okay. I ended up really liking this topic because being able to just distill down, like what I thought of each ended up being more complicated than I thought, and I ended up defining one over the other a lot. So going to try and just dump my thoughts and send it out to the small world because I do think it's something interesting to talk about and just a mental exercise in general
Kamahana Kealoha
@Kamahana · 1:07
Aloha. Again, I was thinking more about this topic about polite cultures being people withholding disagreement and criticism. Right. Cultures. People speak their minds respectfully. Seems like in the polite culture to me withholding is kind of like lying. And I don't think I'm comfortable with that. So therefore I think I would prefer a kind culture where people speak their minds because it says speak their minds respectfully. So it wouldn't be said in disrespect according to this definition here by Adam
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 5:00
I'm also kind of sort of driven to think about Elon Musk touting that he would give $6 billion towards world hunger. If I'm trying to think of the group NATO, I think NATO would come up with a plan
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:54
It is interesting for a person to let you know how they really feel about something and the real potential they feel like they have for something, as opposed to just kind of saying the safe things that everybody is used to hearing, which is why we are interested in Kanye West and what he has to say more often than, let's say, JayZ, we're more excited when Kanye has the interviews and when he's talking on stage and having these rants, whereas JayZ's interviews, to me, are very banal by the numbers in a way
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 1:28
I'm thinking about how politeness can almost help you develop kindness in the sense that if you have certain rules about how you behave towards other people in general, that can open up a manifestation of kindness, that if your orientation to the world is hostility or not respectful, or your rule for interacting with people is not positive, then kindness can't develop from that. But that politeness can there's a place you can go from politeness to kindness
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 2:01
Sometimes I think that it's kind to not say everything that you're thinking or every judgment you have or every feeling you have and withholding there's times where that's just more peaceful and obviously if it's a big thing and you're holding it in, but then that could be an issue. But we have so many fleeting thoughts and feelings that are not rational and aren't always pleasant or aren't things that you necessarily agree with later on
Niki Ebrahimnejad
@N1kkums · 1:18
I meant more like the typical day to day scenarios. They're just rude, and we would suggest they are impolite, but then they could also just be very good at expressing kindness empathy to people when it matters. For instance, like someone who's a bit rough around the edges but otherwise has a good heart that's sort of like character set up in the same story. Those people definitely do exist, and they would practice kindness maybe in a different way than what we're accustomed to
Kamahana Kealoha
@Kamahana · 1:05
Aloha again, Lisa, and thank you for bringing up that good point. I guess my mind is still open to be flexible for change. As far as deciding between kindness and politeness, don't think that's the question anyhow. I think we use both again, and I know that's been acknowledged here both kindness and politeness, depending on the need
What a great topic here. Oh, yeah. And one more thing before I wrap it up. What about you? How do you feel? I mean, when you're at work, do you feel that you are more polite than kind, or do you even notice it? I'm just curious to know. And it could be at work, out in public, anywhere. It doesn't matter where, but just out and about out in public, around strangers
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 3:47
But with friends, I'm more kind, I guess you could say. But anyway, I appreciate the response. And I guess we all have things to work towards, right? Yeah