Deborah Pardes
@DBPardesĀ Ā·Ā 3:20
FIREWORKS REMIND ME OF MY MOM. Can we talk about ATTACHMENT vs CONNECTION? #AskSwell
Years later, in therapy, in my 20s, in fact, I was talking about this memory in connection to my discomfort with the idea of being attached to someone else's issues and making that a connection. That is, I guess, a false intimacy, a false awareness, a false sense of like, oh, we're so connected. And today, as a grown woman, I think I still like to talk about the difference between attachment and connection
Diana Jorda
@All2beholdyouĀ Ā·Ā 4:22
And so to your point about how that begins, the narrative of how we see our relationship to people because of what has been instituted in our childhood yeah, I just love also the play on words that you're using. Independence Day. Can it be called interdependence day? It's not codependency day
Renee šŖ¬
@RensLensĀ Ā·Ā 4:55
And then that secure attachment would hopefully turn into a secure connection when my child reaches adulthood. But what often ends up happening in the parent child role is that when the roles are reversed and the child feels that they need to watch over the parent or they need to guard the parent or be the parent's therapist, then a secure attachment cannot be made in that relationship
Renee šŖ¬
@RensLensĀ Ā·Ā 1:13
And it's not only for the benefit of the sensitive souls out there that don't love fireworks, but also for our doggy children that especially don't love them and to prevent wildfire risks that are really a problem here in Boulder County. And so it's just an example of how all things evolve over time, including our ways of doing things and being and hopefully including ourselves too. So thank you so much for sharing and for putting yourself out there again
He. Yeah. I appreciate your comments about fireworks. You know, the attachment issue is I don't know, it's so bizarre. People are attached to fireworks. I don't know. Is that a secure attachment or an insecure attachment? I think it's kind of insecure. Personally, I am so over the whole thing. I mean, what's the point? You know? It terrifies non human species. Probably even terrifies some humans. And you know what?
Swell Team
@SwellĀ Ā·Ā 0:15
Rodrick Johnson
@EnergizedEduĀ Ā·Ā 4:02
It's deeper, it's more meaningful, it's long lasting and it involves a secure bond, a bond that does not stand the test of time. Attachment, you need that support. Connection, it is a bond that is almost not said of the support that we are getting. The problem I see with both concepts is that sometimes we gloss over the intricate details that are associated with attachment that we think it's connection, right?
Deborah Pardes
@DBPardesĀ Ā·Ā 1:16
But thank God I'm in a place right now where I don't do that anymore, and I I look for people who can just be balanced with me that I don't have to play that role in. But if it triggers, I watch it. I'm like, wow, I'm going to go ahead and attach this and then see how I can play a superhero role. But that's not love. That's something else
Susanna Hutcheson
@SensibleEnsignĀ Ā·Ā 4:43
In my case, it was the fact that my father well, I'll try to be gentle about this my father would hit my mother unexpectedly at any given time. And I saw it and I heard her cry and beg him not to and all those kind of things that a child should not be a child should not have to listen to or see or know about. And so what it caused me in my life was that it made me feel protective of my mother