The warning label printed clear beware sign and a disclaimer that says this will lead to a broken heart. Yet I am fearless because there is nothing left to break. I am comfortable with my demons and have sung the song of my secret face. And there is a wounded healer behind your eyes who's looking to heal within. Go ahead, give me your best before you walk away. I'm learning to be devastated and alone, running in place, slimming down within all that fat ignorance
Arya Sunyata
@theheartdrive · 3:37
The I who dreams control over all things the me pricked by all your needles the eye comes undone and blossoms quietly the dangerous turned beautiful the question rises from the silence will you come with me? Will you dare to be free? You know where I'll be
Running in place. The military discipline of no escape. I love that line and it resonates with me so much. I have been in that place and time in that season where I just kept up a pattern of being in family, relationships, space, where it was like I was trapped, trapped in this devotion that I had
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
DJCZ
@JonnyCitizen · 4:58
How could it be that I could love so deeply, so consistently, so abidingly and yet not have it returned, not have it honored, not have it even appreciated sometimes. But no matter what anybody in my head or outside may say, I've kind of realized that it isn't about her. My love isn't about her. My love for her isn't even about her. My love for her is about my love for her. And that's all it is
Arya Sunyata
@theheartdrive · 5:00
Thank you for responding to this. Yes, I for context, I did post it because we were having that conversation around intimacy and it just kind of I just popped into some of the writing that I had and it was like, oh, this could be a good piece. I while I'm sorry you had that experience, I also recognize how valuable it is to have the experience of being in a situation that doesn't suit you and taking the decision to get out of it absolutely
Arya Sunyata
@theheartdrive · 3:24
And I think we definitely have to kind of take a step back there that's also love. Love is also walking away. But I am inclined to agree that love is wholly self owned. And I learned that too, in a situation where there wasn't actually the ability to have any kind of expression of that love
DJCZ
@JonnyCitizen · 5:00
And in fact, my love is very much required in so many ways. My lady friend and I were together for two years twelve years ago and another two years just recently during the pandemic and all the time in between writing letters and phone calls. And even to this day, though we have been physically separated for about a year. She had to move 800 miles away to be with her family and I had to stay here. Once again, we are pen pal lovers. And it's hard
Arya Sunyata
@theheartdrive · 2:19
It's just something that occurred to me that sometimes when we feel love and it's happened to me too, I felt love and I felt like I wanted something out of that as well. And then I had to come to the realization that's not necessarily love of and then love is really just like desiring what was of most benefit for myself and the other person. And that sometimes required some very hard decisions around walking away or just not going after what I felt I wanted
DJCZ
@JonnyCitizen · 1:21
Well, again, thank you for being sensitive to my sensitivity. I suppose I should not have gotten so not defensive. What's the opposite of that? Anyway, yeah, I know that you meant no harm and I just more wanted to reassure you that you weren't worried about me or anyone. But I definitely can really to how hearing something in someone else's situation triggers thoughts that are completely unrelated, yet related somehow
And that's what makes this space and this platform so amazing here on Swell is that we get to have these types of conversations and hear the voices and perspectives of other people, people that we may not necessarily in the regular world, walking around every day, get the chance to hear. So thank you for sharing. I appreciate you for sharing, and I am glad to be able to be a part of this thread
DJCZ
@JonnyCitizen · 4:06
She just doesn't have the same ability. And she's an empath too, so she knows. But yeah, I guess the stickiest part about it is that one of the many reasons that I love her so relentlessly is because I know that she needs it and that she deserves it. And one of the reasons why she won't let me love her completely is because she doesn't think so. She doesn't think that she deserves to be loved
So when we bring them fulfillment, excitement, pleasure, joy, satisfaction, completion, we get to feel what it's like on their side to have that. And it is sometimes so much more powerful, that feeling of giving someone joy than even receiving it for ourselves, because we get to see through their eyes and feel through their emotions how much we have brought them this sense of contentment
DJCZ
@JonnyCitizen · 4:50
And arting, so to speak, making art from from perspective of empathy as an empath, explicitly. So I don't know. What are your thoughts on all that? Any of that? What do you have to say? What do you think about my perspective? What's your perspective? Let me hear it
Wow, you definitely put a lot of information out there. And it's very intriguing and interesting for me because I am an empath and I have so much to say actually about that part of my life. And me being an empath that has been one of the major focal points of my existence is that ability. And there are blessings that come with it and there are also what I sometimes feel are curses that come with it
DJCZ
@JonnyCitizen · 4:29
I want to get some support going and get some props going to all of our wonderful impasses that make this world a better place. But, yeah, if you don't feel safe, if you don't feel comfortable, I'd be more than happy to take our conversation to a more private level. But, yeah, I just want to put it out here on the record that I'm not ashamed. I'm more than happy to talk about this stuff in public. I fear no retribution
Or if I'm dealing with someone who is super depressed or I'm in close quarters with someone who's really, really stressed out, I will have a physical reaction from their emotion. The first thing is I will actually feel the emotion. I'll know, like someone in this room is depressed, there is a serious amount of depression or a serious amount of negative energy here. And then if I actually talk to that person or interact with that person, I have physical reactions from that interaction
Quinne Brown Huffman
@Quinne · 0:56
This piece was profound with all the imagery and points that I could relate with. And I appreciate the way you went through the entire sense of I don't even know what the words are for convincing ourselves of our place in relationship. I went through this and it haunts me forevermore in the most beautiful way. I don't regret it, but I'm glad I got out of it. And what you describe and how you painted with your words, how profound and how divine. I thank you