souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 1:57
What is the worst advice anyone has given you?
So I went to his producer salesperson, I guess, and I told her what happened. And her advice was, you shouldn't joke around with him. So this is considered gaslighting, by the way. And also, coming from a woman, it was extremely hurtful versus saying, hey, I'm sorry this happened. Let's figure it out
I am physiologically and neurologically wired differently and taking that advice is detrimental to my mental health, emotional health and physical health. I did not know that before and I didn't realize how destructive it was to not only all of those three facets but even my personality. And so even today I'm constantly looking at or wrestling with you could say when advice is given of whether to internalize it and do anything with it or not
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 1:52
And that's what I'm doing because sometimes their advice is actually more harmful and leaves me in a really bad state. So I really appreciate you mentioning everything. And the idea of being neurodivergent is really a big issue in this case. And somehow you can overcome whatever by working harder is complete fallacy. So many people are suffering based on this false premise, and sometimes it's not working harder, it's staying safe. And
Get your work done, then you can play, then you can take break, then you can go on holiday or whatever it might be, she said, instead of looking at rest as a right. And that seems in some ways simple, but it's a really important philosophical shift, I think, that is important to have, because how much richer would our lives be if we focused on rest being a right instead of a privilege?
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 0:56
You become more vigilant, more triggered, and really, it's harmful for your health. So I agree with you. I think it's time to rest. Sometimes not doing anything is enough, and in fact, it's a form of doing. Thanks again. Bye
Binati Sheth
@Binati_Sheth · 4:53
It's smile more. This was written on a birthday card over and over and over again by people in my school, right? And I was so hurt. I mean, we were in 11th grade when this happened. And to get a birthday card with Smile. More written all over it, it was so hurtful. The worst advice ever
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 3:18
And that's the term for it. You carry your debt. If you have enough money to carry your debt, that's all you're doing. And the advice I give people now because of my lived experience is, just keep in mind, if you don't add to your debt, it goes down each month as you make your payments. Even if it's just a little bit, it does go down
It makes it so that your brain is so busy processing these other things that you simply can't be. I understand that now in recent years, but I wish I had come to it so much sooner. So there's a part of me that jealous that you had that wherewithal that awareness of recognizing it as soon as you did and making that decision
And being reminded of my hyper vigilance in a sort of cyclical way of being hyper aware and sort of almost retraumatizing myself was something I needed to be reminded of. There was a part of me that knew it, but at the same time, hearing someone reinforce that of was what I needed. So I just wanted to say thank you
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 1:22
It's not just the fact that it keeps me from getting sick, but it also keeps people from telling me to smile more. So super great input. I'm so happy that you brought this up, because it just brings back a lot of memories and also makes me realize that I 100% agree with you, and I really love my resting bitch face. Thanks again. Bye
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 1:29
Like your instincts were on point about your wife cheating on you and being very weary of that experience, to be told to let it go, when really you had some very valuable information there. Same with your finances. Your body was telling you, hey, I should try to tackle this. And someone was like, oh, don't worry about it. And that probably created more stress for you long term
L A
@homosanity · 4:12
But that was how they live their life, and so that's not a good way to go. On a more serious note, when I was in the closet and I was around ministries, that purported that I needed to not embrace that identity. There was a worship singer that I really admired who lived a life with a wife, a woman, and had children and purported that his relationship with God helped him to not embrace that identity and that that was God's will for him
phil spade
@Phil · 3:46
Is to kind of listen to everybody internalize it and then kind of decide what I want to do. And I wish I had done this in this one because I was representing my company for years and as a vendor going into other people's places of business and representing my company. So I always wore a suit. And as time goes on, suits are kind of phased out of the workplace. And a lot of people were telling me, you can go casual. Don't wear a suit
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 3:58
If you're confiding potentially, specifically, you're confiding in someone who should be on your side, on your team, just from gender alone. And to have that reaction was terrible. So I don't know. I think, again, the further along I get, the more happy I am to keep my distance from. And that's one thing I've taught people over the years, too, is you should cut off all negative people from your lives, even if they're your relatives
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 3:57
And so if it means me driving on a Sunday afternoon so he can spend time with his dad, I'll do that. You wouldn't do that, and that's fine. But I also think I wouldn't raise my kids the way you're raising yours either. So just when I think about advice around parenting is usually when people gave me bad advice, I didn't take it, but I also didn't solicit it. And that's what I guess annoys me also in my situation
The Bookbot Theory
@Bookbot · 3:37
You need to learn to take it in your stride. That incident is close to eight years old now, but I still remember that, because after that, of course, I read about it a lot. I came across multiple articles because people started talking about it a little more openly by 2018 or 19 or so, where they said that a lot of famous writers who were teaching creative writing were known for their harsh comments
I have a couple of snores about the worst advice that was given to me, but the first one that comes to mind after you asked the question was, I think I was going through a pretty rough time and I was losing friends. And my best friend turned to me and said, maybe if you were nicer to people, you wouldn't have people leaving you all the time
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 0:47
And I hope you who are able to give better advice to other people, especially when they're already feeling a little bit of pain, to just kind of say, well, that's what it was meant to be. For you to be in this type of pain is not something I really think is a great thing. Thanks again
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 1:05
I'm not saying you needed help, but just offer to say, hey, I'm here if you need anything, versus not really helpful advice. Thanks for sharing and I really appreciate, you know, you bringing this up, because this is something a lot of parents struggle with, is this endless stream of what to do, but not a lot of follow up with help or maybe even cash. Thanks
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 1:08
Yeah, we're all in this situation where we're getting advice we don't really want or need, and it just clouds your instincts. But more and more as you age, and that's the beauty of getting older that doesn't cloud your instinct. You start to go, hey, that wasn't really helpful. Maybe we shouldn't hang out. Anyway, thanks again. It really is really helpful that you cringe as much as I do when people tell women to smile. Bye
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 2:15
But I really appreciate that you're encouraging and that you're encouraging other people and you're breaking this cycle. It's really important, especially because of what happened to you. And I totally get it. And I am 100% against what I call the gatekeepers. People that try to keep people from following their dreams and working in their art. And by the way, art and writing and creativity is for everybody. It's not an exclusive club
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 1:12
I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm really glad you shared it, though, because I think we all have to listen to these things and just remember to really watch what we say to other people, even though obviously I would never say that to someone. Listening to you makes me just realize that we have to have very strong boundaries and really remember what people do and believe them when they tell you they're jerks
And he didn't know that she was in love with him. He even didn't imagine that. I mean and so I gave her that advice, thinking that maybe that was the better advice, the best advice I have gave her. But then when she did that and sheth called me back to tell me how it was and I realized that it was the worst ever advice I have given to anyone. I am not proud of that right
CinemaReel L.
@ReelTalker · 4:42
That she was like, you know what? Don't even bother trying to make up with him, because the guy went and said, oh, we need to be put on pause because of what I said to him, that he wants a break. And the other friend, I guess she kind of had good intentions because she's all, oh, a guy should never put you on pause. That's not how things work. So I think you just need to cut him off completely
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 0:47
Versus giving them anything that I think they should do. Because who am I? I'm literally not an expert. But I really appreciate you bringing this up, because it takes a lot of courage to say it was you that gave bad advice. I, too, have given bad advice
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 0:28
You. I'm glad you brought this up because this is a big, big false statement that marijuana does not cause an addiction. It's really important to talk about. Not enough people admit it or say it. I'm not judging anyone that does it. I know theory are great things about it, but I do think in some cases it is addictive. Thanks for bringing it up
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 1:06
But a lot of times there's a lot of emotions involved in the heat of the moment. There's a lot going on. And it's hard to be super analytical, but it's really good to consider. And I guess as we get older, something we will consider more and more just to take a breath or a pause and or figure out who to ask for advice. Because I know sometimes I went to the wrong people. For sure. Thanks
em 🦋💐🤍
@emmalaurenpoole · 1:27
It's. This is a topic that I love so much. So thank you so much for asking this question, because I actually have an answer prepared for it. The worst advice I've ever gotten was to be realistic. I didn't grow up with a lot, and I was always told that I was going to have to work really hard for whatever I had. Nothing was going to get handed to me and end that
souzan snores
@souzanalavi · 1:41
You. Thanks for sharing that with us. But mainly I really appreciate it, because I've heard this as well. And internally, I've always thought, why are people saying things like this? Like, why put you down while pretending to be protective? Can are they projecting? Do they not want you to do well because they're not doing well? Are they trying to put you in your place? Which, by the way, is never right
Therapy Health
@Shmookie · 1:05
Your words made me think. Two interesting points. One is, first of all, turns out that it was not the worst advice ever because it actually motivated you to show them to be the enemy that you have to disprove