Confronting niceness vs kindness.
But what I was also reminded of was something I had seen not long ago, where someone was talking about the people that we surround ourselves with at the time. They are very much a reflection of who we are in one way or another, right? And then we go through a period of growth, and there's this discontent of how the other people behave and are those who are around us and the frustration, the grief, the different feelings that come out of that
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 5:00
And I suppose nowadays I don't act like I'm nice. I don't think I'm always polite, unless I'm not. But by default I'm polite to people. That's one of the aspects of how I was raised that I hold on to that. And manners specifically. More broadly. There's other things, too, of course. I look after animals sometimes, and I go out of my way to help them, and I try to help other people
I hate that in them choosing to lie, that in some circumstances, that means that I have to be forced to lie, too. And I hate that. And I completely agree, too, that there's, like, these patterns and they can really reveal somebody. So, for example, if a person I've observed this kind of behavior, so this example has really happened, somebody will like my content, for example, without listening
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:41
You. Thank you. I think you came to a realization, of course, for yourself. And whatever works for you, you know, whatever makes you comfortable. And I'm so glad that you figured it out as to what you want and don't want to be surrounded by. I like this subject because what is the difference between kindness and niceness? Just in my own perception, I'm kind and I'm nice. Because just being kind, I'm being nice
Thank you. If you have any desire to delve deeper into the differences and the nuances of niceness and kindness, there's a link above to an article that talks about it
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:20
And in my mind, that was the right thing to do because as you've mentioned and pointed out, it was rooted in not anything about what I was thinking, feeling, experiencing, just making sure that I occurred for those outside of me in a way that made them feel comfortable, in a way that met their need and no regard of how it landed for me
Flor Cantu
@FlorCantu · 4:32
Also, some of us have struggled with being too nice, and then we get called the pushovers. But that's a different kind of trauma that might be coming from childhood. And also kindness for me is when somebody is truly kind, when they cantu sense that you're having a bad day and they just tell you, try to have a good day. And I think that's a very kind thing to say to someone. So
Yes, yes to everything that you said, Jl. I think of coming from that place of abundance, of self first allows for not only the groundedness, but connection with others. Instead of a superficial niceness that's more about perceptions than it is really about connection. And the irony is that growing up, we were told to be nice and so on
And I would even say, I think that it's not necessarily always true, either with respect to seeing beauty in other people, because I can see beauty in other people that aren't necessarily connected to me in any way. It's not necessarily a competition or a comparison. It's a celebration of the amazingness that is in this other person. Right. And the gifts, the talents, the skills, the heart, the mind
HILARY BLAIR
@HBVOICE · 3:07
You. Hello all. This is a great discussion, and one that I find I use often in my work. And I did read the article, I skimmed the article. I have to being honest, since we're being honest here. So I skimmed the article. And number four is where I connect with that connection idea is that's one of the things that I use in my work. And I often say that nice and polite and even professional are different than being kind, honoring and connected
Or as a woman, if I compliment a man, then it can be perceived as romantic interest. And as a gay woman, if I say something to a woman, can also be perceived the same way or any other number of things that were never my intention. Just that I have observed something that I really appreciate about somebody and I wanted to reflect it back to them
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:59
They bring out and also exemplify the best in us or the worst or both. Yeah. It's kind of weird for me, the definitions of friendship, like how people approach it. Typically, a guy might have some close friends, but typically it's activity partner. They're not really close. And I understand. I'm not trying to criticize people exactly, but I have a different definition of friendship for myself
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 5:00
But the market seems here we look for looks first and then talent. Perhaps in England, I noticed sometimes the actors are not as good looking, on average, as American ones. But they're better actors. I love British TV. Not all of it, of course, but the crime shows. Luther, for example. Well, it's not really British. Well, yeah, it's a bit British, I guess. Yeah, it's a BBC
And I also agree with respect to soul mates being non romantic as well. And I don't think that there is such a thing as the one either. I think there can be many. I know that anyone hearing this may take offense, but in my experience, I would say I have run into more fake people in the church than I have outside the church
For example, there's some believers who live, breathe, embody what it is that they believe, and their light, so to speak, shines, right? But there are many who perform what they believe and want us to believe that they have this light within, but it's quite the opposite
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:59
It. Well, with regards to males, I kind of have a thing about that. It's that people have to earn. They have to earn the earn. Being a man, and I believe, or a woman for the matter, it's a general description of being a grown up, basically a responsible adult. And that means that they stand for something important. That's my definition. It doesn't have to be obvious. It doesn't have to be
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 5:00
Like the impact of being a good mother versus mediocre or adequate are quite profound or bad. Again, they're quite profound because women typically take most of the parenting time one way or the other. And obviously, the, the impact of fatherlessness or, well, various abusive situations from one or both parents should also be studied. And, I mean, it is, but it's not, I think it should be studied more and more widely understood
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 5:00
It. Yeah. Well, I mean, in, in one aspect, it's choosing your battles, but in another, it's also the audience. There's some people online or in person, who just are not interested in any opinion but their own. One way or another. They might kind of pretend, but they're really, really not
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:56
This isn't so much nowadays, I don't argue with people as much online, or at least as extensively. What I'll do is every month or so, maybe less now, is I'll engage with someone who's maybe not quite a troll, but is saying something, really, that I very much disagree with
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 1:44
I've seen old photographs, whites only and no China men and no this, no that, no Irish men, no Italians or whatever. And I think many of those were very inappropriate, but they were eventually welcomed, thankfully. But, but antisocials shouldn't be welcomed ever. I mean, maybe they can modify the behavior and that's eventually okay, but other than that, it goes on a spectrum, but it's basically going around harming other people. So it, yeah
And just every time I hear someone talking about the US is number one, or the US is the best, or whatever elitist perspective one has on the US, instead of questioning those ideas, we're sort of running ourselves into the ground by not evaluating the institutions or the social constructs or anything else of whether this really serves us or not. And just drives me a little nuts. And I agreed so much with what you're talking about
I mean, the nonconformists are the ones that have brought us new inventions or new ways of seeing things, or that have created impactful, amazing art, or whatever it might be. It's the nonconformist. And to punish it to such a degree is. It's like trying to create automatons. But we're human. It's not possible. So it just causes stress and tension. I also liked your definition of community, of what's not tolerated
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:46
So what they want to do in the world will move forward more so than what we want to do in the world. And people point to our military, they say, oh, well, we have the best military in the. Yes, yes, we do. Right. Okay. Taking China, they would outnumber us several to one in terms of man for man or person, soldier for soldier
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:52
No, but that's what they really mean. On the other end, there's measures that are taken to increase the efficacy and efficiency of operations, but they're usually more passive in nature. They select for enthusiastic and competent employees rather than trying to make them jump at the company's whim. And that's generally a good corporation. Often it's a somewhat smaller company. And it could easily be someone like a store owner, a restaurant owner who owns multiple businesses
But at the same time, sometimes I think it's important to break the boxes, blur the lines and imagine other possibilities instead of keeping everything very siloed. And I am very much of the opinion, a strong opinion, that systems like that would benefit even the bottom line if things were more human oriented instead of these other systems within, systems that are designed for, quote unquote, how to do business. Right, but that's perhaps a naive perspective on my part
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:59
If it's something like Apple Computer, in other words, a company that focuses on quality and retaining customers, I don't know how much, if any, advertising they do, but I don't think that's a very big deal. I think customer service is likely a bigger deal. And internal supply chains and other things. Most companies focus on scale. They want to sell to Walmart, they want to sell to target, they want to sell the mass consumer
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 3:42
You? Yeah. I suspect I'm going to have some very, very fierce disagreements with some people who believe in the conventional way of doing business. They'll say, perhaps that haven't been to business school. Okay, well, maybe I will, just for the heck of it. I don't know. I'm sure I'll learn things, but I learned things anyways. I don't see the reason to pay money, even if I was wealthy
Also, the way that you're describing that you would go about doing your business, like, I almost wouldn't matter what type of business you're doing, but the fact that you're doing it the way that you're doing that sounds like a business I would want to be a customer of because you know these impacts, because you know that humans. I'm just thinking, too, I read a book either earlier this year or last year
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:57
It could be someone's not good with money, something like that. But a lot of times, the ones that last a long time are human based. And so they're a living business in a way, generation by generation. And again, typically they're family businesses, but it's possible that they're not. But again, they have to have these practices and it. Well, actually, yeah, the main business would be that. But there is something I've been interested in
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:59
Medicare Part D, for example. All of it needs to be expanded. But with that expansion, this expansion of coverage of eligible people, that is to say, with that would come reductions in other areas, not a tax increase. That's what I would advocate for. But unfortunately, like you touched upon, there's a lot of, there's a lot of people who are, who are power mad or something like that. Pathological personalities
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:55
Yes, if I were to put it in one word, it would be to free people from freedom. Or maybe I should say liberty. I want people to have liberty. And in order to do that, it doesn't require radical changes on a systematic level, although those will happen because other people are trying this as well, in various ways, consciously or unconsciously
I can get my taxes in Canada done in under 10 minutes. And most of that time is waiting on different aspects of waiting. But if there was no waiting with respect to the technology, I could have it done in less than 5 minutes. My US taxes reduces me to tears every single time, and it shouldn't because my income is so low and I don't have to pay taxes in either country. And yet it is incredibly difficult anyway
And so now that employees are pushing back and saying that they deserve better, that they want more accommodations with respect to maybe working from home or whatever it might be, I've heard, I don't know how many major CEOs complaining about the entitlement of their employees. And I'm like, you have no idea. You cantu even see in the mirror your own entitlement and how good you've had it for so long and how you've taken advantage of employees. And really, that needs to change
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:56
I still am, but I was a very young person, and I was furious with the way the world was or our country was, for the most part. And I thought that the system needed to be redesigned from the ground up. To an extent, I agree still. But I suspect that my methods would be different, my approach would be different. I don't believe in patchwork. I don't really believe in
Joshua Tito
@ozzymendez · 4:52
That's what a lot of people do. And unfortunately, they produce relatively mediocre results many times and they don't last more than a couple of years, if that. I remember when all those restaurants shut down during COVID what we called lockdowns, even though they weren't during the quieter periods during COVID I advise people to not open up restaurants again, on the whole, at least to think about it, because that is a very competitive industry