Emotions: what is my responsibility vs yours?
There's this weird paradox on how humans relate one to another that I can't quite make sense of. It's kind of funny, but it exists. So you'll hear people say that our emotions are our own. Nobody can make us feel anything, and we can't make somebody else feel anything. And and I get this, right? The accountability is on each of us. Yours for your emotions and me for mine. And again, that makes sense to me
Andrea Potvin
@GoodEnough · 2:23
You. I totally agree with this. Your line of thinking is how I felt for a long time and, you know, to just one line of thought that I just proves that wrong. Like, nobody can make you feel anything, but people can contribute to the feeling of being, you know, knowing that you're loved, you know, you're treated a certain way, it brings upon these feelings that you are loved. The same thing
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:19
And then I started feeling this and I made the choice to relieve myself by crying or I made the choice to relieve myself by tapping or whatever it is or I felt my chest get heavy or a pit in my stomach and I made the choice to not exist in that space. Now, I can still go back and tell that person what they've done. And then if they acknowledge it and make a concerted effort to be different, then that's one thing
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Whether we're talking the power of technology and to broadcast one's voice or one's words, text words or whatever around the planet with great power comes great responsibility and if we're not taking that anybody who has celebrity or a position of authority of some kind has to be cognizant of the sway that they're going to have. But I don't think people think about that anymore
Depending on if it's a group of men, I have to do it very differently. I have to almost apologize for taking up space, maybe literally and figuratively. And then I have to present it as I think I wonder. And it has to be done in just the right tone of voice, in just the right way, depending on the group of men, right? Not all men, in order for the idea to be heard and potentially engaged with
Andrea Potvin
@GoodEnough · 1:39
You. Good morning. I just had another thought on this. And you can tell me if I'm trailing off, but I just thought in the line of nobody can make you feel a certain way, I think that only stands if everybody was emotionally and mentally 100% healthy. Because if that was the case, nobody would be emotionally neglected or abused or stunted from childhood on or everybody would be strong enough to withstand narcissistic interaction
And I think there's a variety of reasons of why not simply that the brain is doing this mental shortcut, but like trauma, and because we're all doing these ways of perceiving and making sense of each other and self and so on, there's no avoiding it. To be human is to have, I think, this disconnect. Right. I think, too
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:49
Just say, hey, I want to share this information with you, and it's a serious conversation, or let's meet privately one on one, or whatever the case is. And then I tuck that in my mind if it's someone I care about, and I say, okay, it's going to be one of those conversations. And so we might need meet at you said you like to have these at the coffee house, let's go to the coffee house
Theo Seibold
@Thatoneweirdo · 4:57
Yeah, that one might have been rough for everybody, but having said that, to try to keep your emotions in check is kind of like hanging on to a kit in some ways. Like, I think for many of us, especially those who cope or deal with issues within what might be considered mental health or mental illness, that it feels like this odd, kind of out of body internal experience. Because we know people push buttons, and now we got social media. Not now
Pasju Kubert
@PasjuRelatively · 5:00
I will say that there are people that theo don't have enough engagement with their intention so that when they come at you, they are either unfiltered and aggressive and angry and responding to their mother or their grandmother who, when theo were three, spanked them for wanting a birthday cake or something of the sort. Whatever happened to them is now coming out to you and they're not engaging their intent in why they're with you
Okay. Theo more I think about this, to use your reference, JL the muddier this gets. So would it be a fair assessment for some of you at least, that you would say in the 90 percentage range, 90s is where you would say, how much is our responsibility? And then the remaining percentage is either happens organically, intuitively, or with thought for the other person. Is this something that you would say, or would you shift that percentage or that range?
Tony Pratt
@DEEP3R1 · 4:55
But if we really would go deeper and take a moment into really listening because I think emotional regulation and feelings have a lot to do with listening and processing and many people listen to respond instead of listening for the things that I mentioned prior context, understanding, comprehension of what is being said. So then we spend a lot of time talking about emotions and responses and how we deal with these things, especially in conflict. And that in itself is problematic
Oof yeah. Emotions and feelings versus logic and rationale. I almost think of that as a kind of culture war also going on today, along with many others. I think you're absolutely right about emotional regulation. I kind of wonder too, though, if this is a symptom of like I have a friend who has this phrase that we're still cave people living in a technologically advanced world and when things are advancing so quickly, we are not evolving as quickly
Pasju Kubert
@PasjuRelatively · 4:51
And our use of language, including physical language, and being conscientiously aware of theo fact that my speaking to you now on a recording is very different than seeing me speak to you in person. The reality is deepened when you are experiencing a full formed being versus a disembodied voice. I think that as we speak to one another here, I love how beautifully language is used. It is something that draws you in
Tony Pratt
@DEEP3R1 · 4:39
But when I think of this topic in emotions and whose responsibility it is for me, I immediately tend to go to communication between more so between your loved ones, right, whether you're in a relationship or friend or family member. And I would even more so say as well that you brought up too in social media and online in technology, right. A lot of lack of emotional regulation we do see online
But when you say, look, look, babe, I'm sorry, but you got to understand this is what I was trying to do address the pain first. And a lot of guys can't do that. I know I couldn't do it at first because I was trying to make a case for myself or whatever or trying to say, I didn't mean to hurt you. But we passed that
I agree. We are responsible for managing our own emotions. We can't necessarily control which emotions we have, how we have them, and the intensity of them, but we can manage what we do with those emotions. Like, it's not a bad thing to be angry, but it's another thing to use that anger in some sort of destructive way. And I also think you're right with respect to putting putting putting the onus on somebody else is taking away our autonomy
Theo Seibold
@Thatoneweirdo · 4:45
Like you go to their house or apartment or you see them in a situation where they react in a way you didn't see coming, or it wouldn't even have occurred to you to have that type of reaction. So it always gets a little tricky to kind of gauge people. I think honesty is the best policy. And like I said, you don't necessarily set out to bug people. You don't necessarily set out to upset them
My circle is very tight, and so far, I like it that way. This is the first time I ever did anything like this. No Facebook, nothing. This is the first so called social media thing, and that's not an excuse for bad manners, but I'm trying to tell you I'm not trying to offend anyone. I'm sorry
I see one person once a week, that is the guy who delivers my groceries, and everybody else I either communicate with in some sort of social audio platform here or elsewhere. And I don't necessarily if it was in real life, I'm not going to approach people either. I'm very much the wallflower, standing by and watching and listening and I'm very happy there. I interact more with people on a platform like this than I do in real life
DaLyricist Scott
@DaLyricist · 1:25
It. So I completely agree with this. The entire thing, actually. Because one of the things that you said that stuck out to me was a child who is told to lie for the sake of someone else's feelings or not hurting someone else's feelings
It will cause us to second guess when and where to express them. And when does somebody else's feelings take priority? I'm going to think on this a bit more, but wow. Thank you. Thank you for that
Anjali talks
@Anjuuu · 2:16
Hey. Hi. Hope you are doing good. Yes, I do feel the same thing. How you explain just now, like you know, sometimes whatever opinions or whatever we have to say to others, you know, we can't put it on them because of so and so person. Like sometimes we just want to give our opinion but somehow somebody stops it and they just want to put their opinions and why is this happening? I just believe that the environment matters a lot