The Storm & Stress of Adolescence - An interview with Reema Ahmad.
Is a question that got me thinking right after I read Rima's article and I reached out to Ramya who graciously agreed to come on for a conversation around balancing parental love with expectations and protection with trust. Thank you so much for joining me, Ramya. So there was this question that I really wanted to ask you ever since I read your piece. So the emotions arising out of negative experiences can be the hardest to understand and regulate in adolescence without the guidance of an adult
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 4:36
We have already cut down this kind of vision where we look at the child as something, somebody who is an individual in their own right, because we are seeking to receive from them. Now, when we are only seeking to receive from any individual, be it a child or an adult, their well being often doesn't register on priority, because our focus is on, okay, what is it that I want from this person?
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 4:56
So rather than asking this question of why don't kids come to us and tell us? Or how do we find out if something is going on in our kids life? If we make the space, the home and family space, hospitable for our kids
Oh, my God. Ramya as a parent of a preteen, so much of what you just said resonated and especially that part about parents being the conduit into maturity for adolescence. So thank you so much for sharing that insight. Science tells us that the reliable presence of supportive relationships are essential for people to do well in the face of adversity. Nevertheless, there is this widespread romanticized notion that one needs to draw upon some heroic strength of character to deal with challenging situations in life
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 4:31
So it's very, very tricky because if you let the child do that, you also, in a way, think about, but how will the child survive in the world which asks for a certain way of living, a certain kind of, again, success and a certain kind of working? What do you do? And these are questions which I've struggled with myself a lot and I'm still struggling with
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 4:57
One can have conversation, one can ask questions what is it like for you? What are your challenges? And the more and more you talk to children, the more you can, you know, maybe understand what it is that they need from you. That's one. And the second thing that has helped me is to leave some things to hope in the sense that I do not think that parents are here to do everything for their kids
Most often I find myself doing too much or watching out excessively for my children when I want to avoid conflict and just get the job done. Most children don't want to make their beds, put away their things, or do their projects. And as a working parent who is constantly juggling between ten different things at a time, I find it easier and a bit less exhausting to just give up and just get the job done
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 5:00
However, I feel that it's just so hard because it's hard because of multiple reasons that we are busy and we're also doing so many things and we've not had the opportunity to sort of share these activities from the very beginnings in a space of joy and unclutteredness because we are doing so much, especially mothers. We are overstretched and overboard. And so of course, you feel like you either pick up after them or you just get them to do it and yell and all of that
Thank you so much for that. Reema. I agree loosening up a bit can really help, but looking the other way when the house looks tsunami struck can be a bit of a challenge for us parents. But still, I'll take your suggestion and I'll try to relax a bit more. Moving on, I know that your book unparenting is just out. Many congratulations on the book launch. I have just ordered my copy and I just can't wait to read it
Tanishi Singhal
@iamtanishi · 0:28
Well, I personally feel that, like, no parent or anyone, you know, understands that, you know, a child can have stress and he or she can, you know, be in depression or have anxiety or something like that. I personally feel that it's very important for the parents to understand it. Then only they will be able to help their children and they think so. The support of parents is, like, the most important thing during this time
Manveen Kaur
@manveen · 0:38
Obviously, it's difficult for the parents to understand the children because of the basic generational gap. And, like, some parents do not resonate with their children's issues and they cannot understand why they are stressful, why they are whining about stuff. Honestly, it's, like, really important to communicate. It's really important to communicate with your parents and your parents to communicate with you, to have an overview overall growth and to lead a regret less life