When the other half has no desire for intimacy!!!
But then all of a sudden your intimacy drops to zero. What is the next step? And what would you do if the partner fails or decides that they don't want to do anything about it? What's the next step? Do you enter into an ethical, non monogamous situation or do you just stay and just never be intimate again? I guess denying yourself whatever needs that you have because the other person won't meet them?
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:59
If you're still married and you're having sex with someone other than your spouse, that's adultery. And so I would not consider that. And then I would let him know, like, I married you to be with you. If we have to not have sex, then I'll ask God to help me with that. But I need you to know why. I need to know why. And here's the thing
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:16
One of my good girlfriends, now, her and her husband went a little more than two years without intimacy because he was going through a bout of depression, and it has affected their finances. He was out of work, and so he just didn't have any drive. And she was like, girl, it's been two years. And I'm like, I never asked her what she did or nothing like that
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
However, I would like to speak to something that maybe makes sense, maybe doesn't, but it's still worth mentioning and discussing. I would definitely lead with a heart opening conversation. Right. If I was in this situation, it's tough because I am a guy, right? So I'm speaking about this from a perspective of like, it's just a little complicated, I guess, a little dynamic
Moe Johnson
@NeophyteSavant · 4:56
Now, I know that the swell is more so. Or rather, it's speaking to spouse, it's speaking to monogamy. Because if it's someone that I'm just dating casually, where there's no real direction in terms of it doesn't seem like the relationship is going to materialize into something more meaningful, then obviously it's not a big deal. But for someone that you're in a monogamous relationship with, I would ask why. I may not just say why
Moe Johnson
@NeophyteSavant · 1:59
Fake and orgasm. Andrea, I so love your answer. And I love your honesty and straightforwardness. I mean, that's not the first time I heard that, but, like, hearing it, especially coming from a woman. You're so right. Especially when you said, a man cannot fake an erection. It reminded me of something that I mentioned on swell
But we have older children, so we just didn't get married until a little bit later. Yeah, I don't know. And we started having this problem, I don't know, years ago, and I had begged him to go get help and do what he needed to do, and he refused. He has got this man pride thing that he doesn't want to talk to anybody about that
And what works for one couple doesn't necessarily have to work for another couple. It just depends. It depends on where you are in your relationship and where you are with regard to your beliefs and all of that. So, yeah, thanks for responding. I really shit
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 3:05
But in Islam, it's very interesting that if your partner does not satisfy you, that is grounds for divorce. Because in my opinion, and apparently in the islamic faith, that's a serious deal. It's nothing to overlook. It is a serious deal. And so it's a big deal with my ex husband. We were only in our 30s, back when I was married to him. I'm in my forty s now. So he was young
And then I guess, then our all bets off, and we can just sleep with whoever we want to sleep with. There's that. So, I don't know. I'm kind of. I'm. Yeah, I really don't know. I mean, it's it's. I don't know. It's a tough situation, and it's. Yeah, I don't know. It
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 3:05
Hi, Jacqueline. So, first of all, let me say that if anything in my response offended you, I am so, so sorry. I honestly thought we were talking about a hypothetical situation. I did not think that you were talking about your actual life. So I am so, so sorry. I was not trying to be judgmental. Not at all. Like, whatever works for you and for your husband, that's y'all's business
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:42
Well, no, that's not always the case. And so I think more needs to be done to make men feel more comfortable with going and having those conversations with their doctors. And I think women need to open up that space for men to feel more comfortable and not be like, what's wrong with you? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? But just really be more kind and be compassionate about it and really let him know, like, I'm on your side
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 1:11
Hey, Andrea, you know what's interesting? I heard from men now, no, a man cannot fake an erection, right? He can't fake an erection. Sometimes they'll say, okay, I'm a little bit hard. Let me see if I get harder and it doesn't work. But I've heard men say that they faked an orgasm, and I didn't know men did that
Moe Johnson
@NeophyteSavant · 4:55
Because what I just mentioned and so many other things that contribute to us being grumpy, it's what's important to us because it's part of what makes us men. It's not just what we're socializing to believe in what makes us men, it's how we feel. It's like in our DNA. Wow, this is deep. It's serious because I'm a man. And although I don't know your husband, it's the fact that I'm a man
It. I appreciate the apology. I was not at all offended by that. I posed it as a hypothetical to get responses. I really wasn't intending to kind of put it out there as far as me. I was kind of getting at being a hypothetical. It just kind of just kind of morphed into it what it was. He knows how much I love him and I mean, gosh, it's been 25 years at this point and I don't see me getting divorced
Rome wasn't built in a day, as they say, but I really wish that more men were up for going and taking care of things that they need to take care of, and especially when it comes to their relationships, because I know men hate to go to the doctor and all that, but, I mean, when you get to a point where things are not doing what they're supposed to do, it's time to put the pride down and go
dee felton
@MrDee · 3:55
Because we can look beyond a lot of things and we can see the good of somebody, or we can say, hey, I know who I married, or I know who I decided to have family relationships with. And this lack of intimacy, this ain't them. There's got to be something else going on
I kind of feel like the clock is ticking on one of us to make a decision and maybe both of us to make a decision. I don't know, but it's getting down to the wire and I guess maybe if I felt like I was in the same place as he was, if I didn't care anymore, then we'd be perfectly fine. But I do care. And that's the thing. I want this to be fixed. And I don't know
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 0:47
Yeah. Because how, like, wouldn't you be able to tell, though, if he was faking the orgasm? I mean, it would seem to moe that you would be able to tell your mom. She's. Yeah, I'm going to have to research that one. Do a swell about that, Angela. You do a swell about that. And let's see what men say, because that's interesting. Now that is really interesting. Men faking
It. I'm sorry, but, yeah, I'm going to have to agree with you on this one. I'm going to need to know what that entails. I need a little bit more info, and it would be great to hear from a guy because I'd love to know if another man has ever done that. And how would that actually work? Yeah, I think I'm going to need a little bit more info on that. So, yeah, I'm with shoe
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 0:49
Okay, gentlemen, since y'all responded to this, since y'all responded to this post, please go. And I should have tagged y'all in hers, but listen to Auntie Angela's response to me because she. I think it was, like, her last response to me, because in that response, she said that she was told that men can't fake erections, but they can fake orgasm. And so we're all wondering, is that true? And how does that work?
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 0:58
Hey, Andre, I tried to record a reply. See, I'm about to start giggling again. I don't know why. All right, I was going to give you this reply. If I giggle, I giggle. But I would love to hear from the men here on swell, but from the guys that was in this group. They said it. They said they've done it. And how can they do it? Men are creatures of habit. Women, too
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 1:48
So, first of all, I really don't want to go down this rabbit hole with you. And I really, like, I want you to do, like, a swell, like, a swell on, like, an actual swell about this. And people will accept it coming from you. They won't accept it coming from me. So that's why I want you to do it and just invite the man. I mean, we'll see it when you post it
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 0:17
All right, I'm gonna do this. Well, because I don't want to hijack Jacqueline's post, but it will. Yes. Let's revisit this conversation. Because. Can you feel it? Because this is the thing. Women be faking it too. Okay, let me. I can't. Oh, my God. Let's revisit this
Kitha Larie
@chitchatwithkk · 3:09
Women run, men don't, because they kind of feel embarrassed about it. I'll say this, when I was dealing with that, I set up an appointment. We talked about it. It was always avoided, not want to be talked to. And I will tell you, as a person who went a long time, like years, and you got somebody laying next to you, you want to knock them out
You see, that right there is what I'm talking about. I don't see how a woman can go from having a great sex life with the man that she loves and that she cares for and that they've made this life together. And then all of a sudden you aren't getting that affection and that intimacy. It's hard. It really is. It takes a lot out of you. It makes you feel like you're less of a woman. And especially, you know what?
You. There you go with that laugh. I swear, every time you holler, you make me laugh so loud. But, yeah, so make sure you, whoever does the next one, where they put it out there, make sure you tag me in it, because I really want to know. I really want to know. I'd love to keep this conversation going, and I would really like to hear from or men
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 2:30
Because there are so many women who are, when it comes to sex, can take it or leave it. So a lot of women really co sign that mess. And I'm like, I can see it from the man's point of view because I've been there. Your partner is laying right next to you and literally turns their back because they don't want to touch you. That is crazy. Or they give you the whole, I'm sick or, I'm tired tonight
And I really, really hope that men really pay attention to this and really get on board with making sure that they are doing whatever they need to do to keep themselves healthy so they can provide that love and attention that women enjoy and so that they can also get that love and attention that we women like to give. So I don't see any loss in this. I see it as a win win for both parties
And Angela, let moe apologize real quick because I think I called you Andrea instead of Anngela, and I'm not sure, and I didn't go back and listen to it, but what I thought about, and I was like, did I say Andrea and not Anngela? Okay, so, yeah, so that's my formal apology for that. Okay, thanks
Kitha Larie
@chitchatwithkk · 4:39
So you have to make sure that you are happy not only in your day to day life, but your sex life. Make it happen. Make it happen. Be okay. You married someone, you're with someone you should be okay with discussing those topics. And if you need somebody else to help you discuss it, you need to go to a male therapist. Go
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 0:27
Hi, Jl. This is the swell that I referenced. Jacqueline swell. Username nomad forever. This is a swell about when the other half has no desire for intimacy. It sparked a conversation about men faking orgasms that led to my swell. As you can see, it's quite engaged. A lot of replies, so I know you. You're probably going to skip through or speed it up, but you'll get the gist of it. Thanks
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:29
So what matters is what I do in between those two dates. And so why would I then kill a portion of myself off and I'm not dead? For me, that would not make sense. Now, JL in her would have actually, I was in a relationship the last part of my 30s where I was on that trek. And I'm so grateful for how that relationship turned out because it has awakened me to the JL that shows up today