Than it's like we try to nuance these relationship statuses so much and we try to convince ourselves that my situation is different, though it's not like theirs, it's different. And truth of the matter is, I believe that for the sake of the person that you want to have a relationship with that you should go ahead and get a divorce. If you know that you and your ex are done, done. File those papers. I know that sometimes couples will use this against each other
Shawna Kearsley
@OnAcornBay · 3:37
I love that part. I will not name a guy who's in men, women, relationships. That's a new one for me. I won't do it because he's not ready to move on. He's still stuck in limbo. He needs more time. That is the ultimate red flag. And if it's love, it can wait. And if he's separated and not divorced and he is in with you, he's not even healthy and ready to be in with anything
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:43
Usually either the spouses end up getting back together or you just end up being in limbo. You just end up being in limbo with this spouse who just can't seem to bring themselves to divorce because there's one excuse after another, the money, the kids, this, that. It's always one excuse after another as to why we can't divorce. And you end up getting stuck in that love triangle with these two individuals because they don't want to cut ties
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:35
Hi, Tanya. So this is a good one. And what's interesting is that this topic came up on Friday. My pastor and a few of us singles from the church finally had our first think tank meeting to come together and put together some sort of ministry for the singles. And we were talking about singles by age, right? Because, like, a 20 year, a 20 something single is going to be different than some of the 70 year old singles we have
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 1:14
You have some people that have been separated for so long, they've been out the house for so long, they might not even have had contact for so long that the day they sign those divorce papers is not the first day they begin to heal. It's not the first day they get used to not having this person. Some people have literally, they got years or a whole decade without this person. So he gets divorced today, he makes it final
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:49
And I think she was at that point where she was just content with the fact that they were separated even though they weren't legally married. I don't know why they just didn't finalize it, but I guess everybody just got comfortable with the current situation. She went on with her life, he went on with his life, and just never got around to filing those papers, I guess
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:23
A lot of things could hold up a divorce, that's for sure. And so we do have to extend some grace and take things, like you said, on a case by case basis. Thank you so much
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 3:31
I was like, I didn't know her brother was single, so there he was. But anyway. But whatever happens, so each group is going to be different. And like I mentioned in my original reply, it's so tricky with people when you start a relationship with somebody, because, honestly, anybody can leave at any time
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 1:05
They're attending solo. Do you think that should be permitted, or do you think that marriage functions should be attended by couples only and not by people who are married, but without their spouse in church with them? I just wanted to know your thoughts on that
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 2:22
So that's what I'll say. I'll also just throw this in here, because since you asked about a conference, a woman that I know that's in ministry, she runs like a women's ministry. She was told that she couldn't go further in the church, or higher or whatever you want to call it, because of the fact that her spouse wasn't saved. And first, I was shocked when I heard that and I was like, what that got to do with this?
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:16
If you're married and your spouse is not in church or there's strife between you and your spouse or any of that stuff. So, yeah, I think it can definitely hinder you spiritually in a lot of ways
Tonya Dewhurst
@BeKind2 · 4:55
You. Hi, ladies. I just want to weigh in on your discussion between separation and divorce. And I just want to say that, first of all, that I am separated from my husband right now and we don't have a legal separation, but we are headed toward divorce. He just got served and we've been apart since end of August, 1 September
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 2:49
And nowadays it seems like folks, when they separate, they're just so focused on the next relationship and moving on to the next person instead of going through that time to heal and that time to tie up those loose ends, close that chapter, reconcile with the situation at hand, and just doing some time to rest and get to know yourself again outside of being married