Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 5:58
Relationship Coach: Men Who Desire Peace in Relationships are Red Flags 🚩🚩
And that's why I think sometimes as women, we have a tendency to get bored easily because when things are peaceful, we have a tendency to think that there's something wrong because that's not what we're drawn to. Ordinarily, I can kind of understand in some ways where she may be coming from, but at the same time, I think that men just desire to have a woman that's cooperative
And then I was thinking about my relationships, and I've actually, even though I don't think I've dated that many people, those guys were not generalizable. There were some guys who found so much comfort in yes. They would say yes as an answer to something I requested before I even finished the question. And then there were some who said no after I asked the question and then rephrase what I asked for, which ultimately meant that he meant yes for my request
Robert Jenkins
@Guruball1 · 4:16
It. I personally need a drama free house. I need it. It's going to be impossible because two people are not always going to agree on everything that's impossible. I'm not even looking for that. I would never even want that. If someone agreed to everything I said, I wouldn't want to be with that person. Because I need someone with a mind. I need someone to tell me look, when I'm wrong or listen, we
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:59
When he comes home or when he talks to me, I want him to be at peace. I want him to be safe and secure. And like you said, it's not like you all ain't going to ever argue because I think there probably will be some arguments. I think there will be some arguments and things of that nature. But I think that we should try to be each other's peace. You know what I mean?
Kwa NateKo
@kwa · 4:44
Yeah, I think wanting to be at peace in a relationship and. And having the skills for conflict resolution. Conflict resolution. Are not you mutually exclusive things?
Kwa NateKo
@kwa · 4:35
But a lot of times I've seen people say women get bored in relationships, particularly long term ones. And I think there's a false expectation sometimes dating versus long term relationships are two different things. If you're used to having people take you out all the time, I know they say couples should date or whatever, and you're going places, you're doing things, you're in the courting stage. That's different
Kitha Larie
@chitchatwithkk · 4:49
But I don't have a two parent home because I was not happy in the situation and I left for my happiness, not for somebody else, not for some other situation, but for my happiness. And I constantly work on it. And I can say that I actually found some happiness during the separation and I'm better now than I was then. But society does not encourage people to stick it out anymore
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:40
And so I'm not saying I'm just throwing stuff out there, but if a man is coming home to chaos every day, he could have a chaotic woman for sure. But is he contributing to that chaos? Right. I'm a peaceful person, so you can't bring chaos out of me. It's just going to be something that we're going to have to end because I'm not going to spend my life being chaotic
Moe Johnson
@NeophyteSavant · 4:38
Sometimes, what do some of y'all women want? I really don't get it. Not saying that disagreements don't come about in relationships. I'm not saying that, but I don't even know how much time should I even spend on this topic? Because whoever this relationship coach is, or I mean, seriously, you know, uncanny coincidence. I ran into a friend of mine. We worked at the same job about six, seven years ago. And we never dealt with each other
Jentrey Potter
@Jentrey_Rey · 3:17
As a single woman who is seeking to date, and I've been on dating sites where men do use that as their description in their bio, and some of them are very interesting because then they'll proceed to give this novel, Ted talk of how judgmental they are and what peace, quote unquote, means to them. And it's clear that they have not done their work, that they're not emotionally available, that they're not open minded, they're not willing to work on a relationship
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:26
You know, I had a friend who was used to chaotic relationships. So much so that if she was dating someone and they were at peace, there was no disagreements, no arguments or anything like that. Just a normal, peaceful environment. It would trigger her to the point where she felt like something must be wrong. Some. Something must be wrong because you're not arguing. Something must be wrong because you're home when you said you'd be home. So I got to stir something up
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:19
But again, these were stay at home mothers, and so they were home anyway. So why not make it a place where your husband can come home and know that he's going to have his favorite meal on the table and a hot bath waiting for him when he gets home. And his slippers or something. I'm not saying got to do it every day, but sometimes. Just show him how special he is. Make him feel valuable in a world that doesn't really value him
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:05
Said. Tell me what you know. Instead of all this, he's supposed to just know your favorite color. He's supposed to just know your favorite restaurant. He's not supposed to know this stuff. So, yeah, you gave some excellent, excellent points. I even like the point that you, or the tip that you gave about sometimes you have to make things small things dramatic just so that her emotions can feed off of it a bit. And that sounds a little shady
Robert Jenkins
@Guruball1 · 2:38
Because you go from 1 minute you want to go home because that's peace. Until you find another place to go. Because that's peace. And that is when brothers start to cheat. And that's when things and situation happens. Because even though he may not be cheating with that woman at first, but her. Well, what are you doing? Stop by?
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:11
And there are a lot of women out there, unfortunately, who also believe that, that if their husband boyfriend isn't hitting them, if he's not cussing them out, if he's not bringing home some level of drama to their doorstep and putting them through all types of emotional turmoil, then this is not a real relationship. They actually get scared of peaceful relationships to the point where they have to create the chaos. If he's not bringing it, I'm going to create it
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:30
So, yeah, in situations like that, a guy saying he wants a drama free relationship because he really just wants you to put up and shut up, that is a red flags. Absolutely, it is a red flag. And no woman should want to go along with something like that because it's unhealthy and it's borderline abusive
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 1:40
And so, yeah, like I said, sometimes we can be the agents of chaos. We can be the reason why there's no peace. We can be the reason why there's no peace. So you made an excellent point with that. Men are trying to voice their needs, and we're not allowing them space to do that because we've already decided. Up, that's a red flag. Up, that's toxic. Up, that's abusive
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:06
In fact, they themselves are not really even dating material, but yet they want you to be a perfect ten in every area. You got to be a perfect ten in every area. But they themselves, they're not even a five and half the stuff that they're asking for. So, yeah, that makes dating very difficult
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 1:35
I think that's a great tip that you gave with that. I'm sorry, I'm so sleepy right now. That's a great tip that you gave with that. Because I think sometimes when we talk about conflict resolution, we think, what do we do when we're in the heat of the battle? But what about just not choosing the battle at all and protect the peace in the family and in the household? Because we're just choosing not to argue over this
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Jentrey Potter
@Jentrey_Rey · 3:51
Communication is kind of a big deal and if you're not emotionally intelligent enough to lean in during the hard conversations instead of being an avoidant and blocking the person you've only been talking to for two weeks, yeah, it's not going to work out. So little advice, you might want to work on some of that. It would make your life a lot easier and make dating a lot easier for everyone. So anyway, just had to share that thought. That was pretty funny
Al Cosby
@Cosbyal4165 · 3:49
And again, not all female, but I will say that vast majority of females make their decision based on emotion, and men, they make their decision based on logic. And because of that, the women feel as though the men have no emotion versus the men feel as though the women are too emotional about that. But that's just the way that it is. And we definitely have to learn to be more accepting of each other, baggage or not