Why am I getting all hot and bothered just to have to go home and pray and do whatever I can to guard myself against temptation? I believe that sex conversations are great. I think we should have them in the proper context. But sometimes these conversations can stir up desires that, like I said, go unfulfilled
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 3:36
Why every time you have something for singles, especially these type of conversations, why married people need to be there? I just don't understand. Like you said, we're on two opposite sides, and there's really no reason for us to actually come together in that. You know what I mean? And it is something that a lot of people don't like to address, but it definitely needs to be addressed
Moe Johnson
@NeophyteSavant · 4:34
Hey, what's going on, Tanya? I have some issues with this. Not with your. Swell, not with you, but with what the things that you're saying. Let's start with the pastor addressing single women with a conversation about the sex life between he and his wife. I have an issue with that. You're talking to a group of women that's doing the best they can to guard against temptation, trying not to tempt fate. And he coming with this mess
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:40
It. So, talking about sex, I think singles should probably have some conversations with married folks about sex, even if people don't share their personal sex lives. But because here's the thing. I think a lot of people fantasize, and we idealize wherever we're not in, right? People think retirement is going to be the best thing. People think marriage is going to be the best thing. People think. Think once I lose weight, I'm going to be happy
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 2:25
Hey, thank you so much for your response. You know, it's a shame that in 2024 that the topic of sex is still very taboo in churches. Either churches go too far with it, where they don't set the proper boundaries and context when talking about sex, or they're just afraid to touch it altogether. It's like there's no middle ground when it comes to talking about sex and churches amongst singles or married people
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:38
We're going to assume, without getting all up in your business, we're going to assume if you're married, you're having sex. And that's really the extent of it that we need to know for the most part. But it's okay for singles to ask married people questions about sex, because those of us who have engaged in it before, we know what's up
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:48
As far as your decision to have sex outside of marriage, I'm not going to judge it. You're a grown woman. Me personally, I choose not to because for one, and I was going to do a swell about this in part of my series here. I don't believe that being single was meant for those of us in our believe that we were supposed to be married in our youth and stay married for life, and therefore these conversations would not exist
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 4:59
Nowadays, as far as dating and meeting new people, sex is kind of in the background. I kind of feel like it comes when it's ready. And I find myself worrying about other things. Is this person for real? Are they a good person and all that stuff? How do you manage your money? Do you manage your money well and stuff like that? No relationship is perfect, but I find myself worrying about this person's overall situation and what kind of baggage they're carrying
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:57
But in a place like Italy, where wine is served with every meal and people are so used to it, they actually have less alcoholism, believe it or not. And I think because when you make something so taboo, people are like. They just can't wait to have it. So if we're talking about sex, like you stated, when people are dating, sex is, like, not even on your mind, because you're looking to see, is this a nice person?
Every, each individual has their own goal, has their own agenda, has their own way of doing things. If it doesn't work for you, if whatever you got going on should never be compared to somebody else's sexual, whether it's preference, whether it's a situation, whatever your situation is dealing in your bedroom or your personal life with your relationship, I don't think those are notes that need to be compared
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:59
Hey, Motoblanco, listen, I agree with you. I think that's how it should be, too. I think two people should be spending time together and they should be more focused on if they are compatible. And I think it takes more than a few weeks to determine or a month to determine if your compatible or not. I do, because I think there's so many different conversations that need to be had before you begin to talk about sex
And then we got married. And then when we were married, we're millennials. We do things a little bit differently. We're a little more precautious because to be honest with you, her parents have been married twice. My mom has been married four times, and every marriage that I ever saw just fell apart. So I was apprehensive getting married, but I never held to abstinence. So I engaged in sin, lived in sin, wallowed in sin
Even if you met in two days, that's her business. Even if you all known each other for a day or two, once again, her business. So it baffles me at how certain people think about certain situations and handle certain situations, but we are not all the same. There are guys out here that once again, respect what women say and what women feel about themselves. As far as even respecting themselves
Is somebody in your church that's around your age group or lived a life? Just have an open mind, have respect, and listen to people. Like, look at people in your life that have marriages that you could look up to and go to the men and women of those marriages and be like, what are you doing? What do you got? What secret sauce do you got that I don't got it? Just ask them, because you can see them
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:56
If you do want to be married again or whatever, or date, if you want a lifetime girlfriend, boyfriend, or. I don't know if they call them that at 40 something years old. I don't know if we call them girlfriends and boyfriends at 40, but people at this point in your life, you want someone to spend the rest of your life with, whether that's in or out of a marriage
I just want to clarify something. Not that I have to clarify it to anyone, because it's between me and God, but I just want to say. I don't even know why I have to clarify it. But I am a cisgender. Straight. Straight as an arrow. White man. You it. And I might say things about sexuality or things like that. I just want you to know. It doesn't matter. Believe me, it doesn't matter
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:33
Hey Anthony, thank you so much for your response. I agree with you 100%. I've never been one that liked to just sit around and openly talk about my sex life either. I do believe that some things need to stay in the bedroom. Whatever you did in the bedroom, let's keep it in the bedroom. I personally don't want to hear about other people's sex lives
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:15
Certain things happen in your life. It changes the way you view sex. It changes the way you relate to sex. It changes a lot of things. And so it's very important to explore that from time to time. Because when you get married, if you're having issues sexually, you need to know where they stem from, where it came from. What happened in my life that's caused me to be frigid. If that's the case, what's happened in my life
I'm not going to lie to you. I listen to the one where I claim myself as the cisgender straight male that's married and don't mess with me. I'm not the bad off. I know it sounds like I may have sucked a penis every once in a while, but that's the truth. Like that one, just listening to it over and over again. I'm not going to lie to you, it's just I almost died of laughter in my garage
Just don't run into anything. Don't run into anything crazy. I'm lucky I didn't marry my high school sweetheart. That's the thing, is that her and I were just super cautious about who we love and taking risk. And every moment that it felt right, we took those next steps where we committed more and more to each other. And then now we have a family. And like I said, we come from both broken homes. We have stepsiblings
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 4:11
Yeah, but look, if two consenting adults meet and sparks fly and it's wham, bam, thank you, ma'am, and thank you, sir, and all that, hey, that's their business. But for people to kind of like, especially from the male side, just come on with this kind of arrogance, like, hey, man, what do you think I'm driving 2 hours for? Just to wind and dine you and stare on your beautiful eyes? No
Kitha Larie
@chitchatwithkk · 4:59
Because then you're thinking about what you don't have and what they have. I have been through that situation before to where I hadn't been sexually active in the marriage that I was in and my friends over here very active. So I've been in this situation to where I wanted more. Because it just depends on how you feel about sexuality and if you're a very sexual person. Now, when you marry, sometimes you don't know how sexual you are
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 3:29
Because if you pay for my hotel, then you go expect to stay, and I don't want you to stay there with me, so I pay for my own hotel. The arrogance. But here's the thing. It's like you said, there are women out there that will do that, right? And there are women out there who would go and be whined and dine and then not even talk to him at all. You know what I mean?