Hey, swellcast family. I hope your week is getting off to a great start. So I wanted to come on here really quickly because I made a swellcast a couple of days ago about a very beautiful young lady who reacted strongly to her coworker, her engaged coworker, telling her she's beautiful. And she seemed to find this problematic for reasons that didn't quite understand
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 4:53
It is out of a line for how I've always phrased this is I can appreciate beauty in any gender. It's when you vocalize your appreciation to that where it can be inappropriate. Currently, I'm in a relationship. I've been in it for Friday. Let's see, yeah, Friday will be six months. And I had a woman send me kind of a joking emoji that had a sexual undertone to it
StephStyle +
@StephStylePlus · 5:00
Rather that's social media or making her feel insecure, or the fact that maybe he didn't tap into her love language of affirmation and told her enough that she was beautiful so she didn't feel like she was beautiful. And so when this coworker says to her, you're beautiful, and she knows that he's engaged to a really beautiful woman himself, and she's questioned, why are you telling me that? Maybe because she was triggered
Wende Neen
@WNPerspectives · 1:51
But I don't see that as being an issue. People should be able to give compliments just because you're in a relationship or you're married or you are engaged, whatever the case may be. If you're not being disrespectful to your mate, giving a compliment is like normal life. If you see something and you like what you see or you think it looks nice, what's wrong with saying that? That's not an indication that I'm interested in you
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:40
I was going to do a swell about something that came up in my Facebook memories, and it's something similar to this. A woman was on vacation in Miami, and I guess she talked to this guy in the water, and she was on a mission to find him because they never exchanged numbers. And so people did what they did and they found him, but they actually found that he was married. And so it was kind of like, oh, he was married. I didn't know
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:33
So he was just trying to encourage her, like, no, don't say that you're beautiful. It was that kind of thing. It wasn't he just walked up to her and told her, girl, you was beautiful. It wasn't like that. She was downing herself. So he was trying to give her a little encouragement by telling her, you're a beautiful woman, and basically you're going to have a man someday. Don't give up on yourself
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 2:40
As if all of us would feel the same way. But no, ma'am, that's not true. If a man who's in a relationship tells me I look nice today, he likes my hair, makeup is pretty, or whatever, okay, thank you. I would take it just as that at face value. Thank you for that. I'm not sitting here trying to figure out, where is this compliment coming from? Like, why are you complimenting me? You're married
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 2:45
Like, obviously, dude, you have issues with controlling yourself and being able to keep some of your thoughts to yourself and you are disrespecting your fiance by telling other women how fine they are, by telling other women how nice their bodies are. You are crossing a line there for sure. But just this compliment because I was downing myself and that's basically what it was. She was putting herself down, so he decided to give her a little pick me up
Erica Jean
@HeyItsErica · 4:02
However, just going up to a woman and saying how beautiful she is. I believe everything starts with the eyes and then the heart. If either of those things cause you to sin, cut them out. And we're in an age now where just cheating doesn't happen just with two people jumping in a bed, right? It starts off with some little seeds being dropped, innocent little seeds. Just telling someone, hey, you look beautiful
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:26
But she was mentioning how she pulled up next to this dude, or this dude pulled up next to her at a stoplight, and I guess he found her to be attractive, so he wanted to follow her to a stopping point so that he could get out, talk to her or whatever. And so they ended up at this shipping office together, like a Ups or post office or something. And I guess he needed to mail some things too
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:29
And I don't agree with it because like you said, what may be a red flag for you may not be a red flag for me. I may have an area where I'm working on it, right. And so I don't see things like you see things. Like I said before, it's the same thing with trigger, right? Some people see a red flag in pretty much anything, right. When it comes to and I've only heard red flag in the context of dating
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 2:02
And so I believe that he told her she was beautiful to encourage her because she was self sabotaging in her language, talking about, I'll never get a boyfriend, I don't have a boyfriend. And I think he was just trying to lighten the mood by saying, no, you're beautiful, and trying to encourage her to not be so hard on herself regarding her dating prospects or what have you
Erica Jean
@HeyItsErica · 0:38
Hey, Tanya. Okay, so, yeah, in that case, it does sound like she was really fishing around and the poor guy was probably just like, look, you know? So yeah, thanks for providing that context. So that does change everything, so boy, I know he was in the corner with that one. Sometimes us women need encouragement. I'm talking about like, women in general need the encouragement. But, yeah, it does sound like she was fishing around. It
Or it was just a whole beautiful thing, because some people will shun me the opposite sex because they're not comfortable in their own relationship. And if I keep talking to this man, I don't know what I'm going to do, you know what I mean? Or if I keep talking to this woman, I don't know what I'm going to do, you know what I mean?