Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:57
Generational Fear: Do Parents Tend to Project Their Fears Onto Their Children?
I'm just wondering, do we pass down fear to our children? Do our parents pass down fear to us? And maybe that's where some of the fears that we are fighting to overcome came from. We were taught to be afraid of certain things. We were taught we should be afraid of certain things. So I'm just wondering, how do we stop this culture of fear in our families? Thank you so much for listening
Carly D
@Astroality · 4:12
It's that because I said so mentality that we're all raised with you're raised that way for a reason so that you can learn how to break the mold, break the pattern and set yourself free. The whole goal is for parents and children to teach each other alike. You learn and teach from each other your entire life cycle. That's why you pick your parents. That's why you have certain soul contracts with them
And she lost a child before her last two. And my mom the same thing. I had a sister that would have been about five or six years older than me. And I've never really ever experienced missing somebody that I never met. But I'm quite sure if she was anything like me and my brothers, then I wouldn't have went through a lot of the drama that I went through with women. Because I can just picture her like, you better stand up, punk
It was like overcoming a fear. It is what it is. That's what they was always afraid of. Something would happen, I would get killed or get locked up or something really bad happening. And I hate for him to feel like that, but I didn't think about him once. I guess I was too young
Tammy Daley
@AuntieT · 2:28
Hi. Good morning, Ms. Coles. I wanted to reply to your question. Do parents tend to project their fears onto their kids? I think it's so funny. I think sometimes we don't realize how the things that we are fearful of, it really does. Our kids have a tendency to be scared of it. And I think it's because kids are like my mom and my dad. They see big, huge people
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:58
Hi, Tanya. So, yes, parents do often project their fears onto their children and we often don't see it when we're doing it, but when you look from the outside looking in, it's sad because I've been with close family members and I've been like, if you don't let that girl let that boy do this and I'm sure I've done the same thing, but it's so sad
Erica Jean
@HeyItsErica · 4:12
And that's one of the worst regrets. And I understand where parents are coming from with being protective. I definitely do. I don't think they're meaning to put harm on their kids, but at the same time, you don't want to stunt anyone's growth. You don't want to prevent someone from exploring the world. So this was definitely a great swell. Thank you
Tammy Daley
@AuntieT · 3:20
I'm like, I will never pigeonholed you, no matter how much as a know, I have my moments when he leaves, and I'm like, oh, my God, my baby's so far away. But that's me as a mom, and it should not affect him as my kid. For me, I will stand there and go wherever you want to go. I am going to support you as long as you have a good plan
Tammy Daley
@AuntieT · 3:43
You don't know what will happen in those places. Like, all these different things that caused me at 17 to go, okay, well, no problems, and I guess I don't want to do that. And even now, my brain still wonders what could have been. Now, could her thought of something bad could have happened? Could it have happened? Absolutely. Or could I have had an experience that changed my whole life for the better?
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 3:04
Hi, Auntiet. Thank you for replying back to me and sharing your story. I love it. I love it. And yes, mothers have a tendency to be very easy going, seems like, on our sons, more so than our daughters sometimes. And I've seen it with my mom and my brothers, but I didn't even raise my son like that. Like I said, I was just going by the directions I felt I got from God
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 1:31
So let's see can we do to make up for it because of the guilt that they carry from that they feel that they have to make up for it, compensate for it somewhere. So they work really hard and try to be really extravagant, try to spoil them and give the kids the things that they want because they feel bad about the fact that the thing they really want, which is a father, is not there
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 2:07
And I'm glad that he brought her home safely after her adventure, and I'm glad she's happy that she had her adventure. But yeah, I totally get the over. I won't say overprotective, but just being protective, because that is your only child. And even when your children are adults, you still feel like you have a responsibility to them as a parent. No matter how old they get, you still feel like you have a responsibility to them
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 1:49
And she passed that fear on to him, to where he believed that everything that Mama said is bad. It's bad. I don't know why that movie came to mind after I made this swell, I was like, water Boy is like the perfect example of something like this. Even though it was meant to be comical and it was, it was like, this is a good example of what happens sometimes when parents project their fears
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 1:24
And now you reap the harvest of a fine, upstanding young man. I think that's incredible. And thank you for being obedient unto God and just submitting to his will and allowing Him to lead and guide you as a parent. And I just think it's phenomenal. So thank you so much for your input
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:39
And so today, the things that I do with my life are more accepted by society than they would have been 30 years ago, 50 years ago. And so there were just some things that our parents didn't try back then because it wasn't the norm. It wasn't a societal norm. Now it is a societal norm. And so it is acceptable to do the things we do today
Tammy Daley
@AuntieT · 2:19
Holy crap, we must be soul sisters. Then I had to just respond. I am 46, and I'm going through, you know, I call it working through all my childhood and all that stuff. And I think we are very similar in the fact that I did not move away when I. So I desired to do it so bad. And each time I went to go do it, the first time was right after high school. I was going to leave
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 0:56
And so I'm still pretty praying and asking God to order my steps about relocating so I can be in a place where I can flourish. And so, yep, we're going to keep praying and seeking the Lord, but we can't, you know, we just can't allow their fears to become our fears and. Yeah, and not passing that down to our own children where they're afraid and have irrational fears based on our fears, you know? So, yep
MJ Brewer
@Mommas_Jungle · 4:28
And, you know, I'm not saying not to do things for other people, of course, you know, that's the right thing to do. But they put the literal fear of God, if you will, into us. If you do that. You're going to go to hell if you TMI. I know, but you're not allowed to investigate yourself. You're not allowed to have intercourse until you're married. And then it's only missionary style
