But I know there are a lot of people out there with stories, a lot of people out there that have been abused or know someone that has been abused. And I'm just trying to ask a question. There's no judgment here, but why do women stay in bad relationships?
Mahima Mamgain
@MM007 · 2:11
This is for the very reason because the time they had attracted their partner was due to the energetic wounding or traumatic attachment and because of this traumatic attachment or anxious attachment which they have, they will always be attracting partners in that particular frame of mind or in that particular energetics at a cellular level. So unless you understand the pattern work on your energetics, heal the wounds, you will keep going back and relapsing on that same relationship
Maurice Lekea
@malekea · 3:40
Either they meet somebody else and that person will be encouraging them or making their life a little easier to abandon where they are now or the family members will help them to get out. It's too late, you have to go. You're still worth it and so on. So it's difficult to really have one answer fits all why people stay. They are not feeling well in where they are now, but they still don't want to go. It's not because they want to stay there
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:31
Thank you so much for your response. It does take discipline. It does take getting over the scars that were left behind, or you will attract others to do the same thing. I really like how you put it. That was very good. But getting your mindset right sometimes can take a long time. But thank you so much for contributing to this. Well, because your information is very valuable. I hope some other people that are listening can get some help from that
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:49
You. Thank you so much for answering this. Swell. I agree with you. I agree. And those were some additional reasons that I did not list earlier. Because who wants to start over? First of all, your abuser usually tells you you're not going to get anybody else. No one's going to love you, no one's going to want you. You're ugly, so they make you feel bad
Maurice Lekea
@malekea · 2:31
Hello. You're so welcome. And thank you for your for your kindness. Something you said about the they will tell you you are not worth it. If you go, if you leave, nobody is going to accept you. Nobody will take you. That's not true. That is just a way of controlling your mind. Because when you believe in what they are telling you, that you are not beautiful, you are nobody, and therefore nobody will take you
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 2:07
This man is the best man I have ever met in my life. And it took me a while to understand why he would even want me, because I was still brainwashed about the I was brainwashed about the fact that I didn't deserve goodness and I didn't deserve the effort of someone seeking me. Well, the devil's a lie, and he was wrong because he does, and I love him for it. I have bags
SOUL MIND
@BEAUTIFULSOULMI · 4:56
That love marriage I was in was conditional. If you do this, I'll give you a hug. If you do that, I'll listen to you. I had to do certain things to get what I needed. My love language, physical touch, words of affirmation, quality, time, acts of kindness I really like them all. How does an empath thrive when their love language is physical touch and words of affirmation?
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:36
And if you are abused as a child, sometimes you can equate love with abuse. There are some women that really believe that their husband's hitting them is their way of showing love. And so if you've always been hit and abused and that was how you understood love to be expressed was through abuse. I'm getting off topic, but I've heard abusers say that they sexually abused young kids because they felt like that was expressing love
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:06
A lot of women have stayed in abusive relationships just because they didn't want their children to not grow up without a father. So they stayed so that their children could have what they perceived to be an intact family. Yeah, a lot of reasons why people stay
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 1:19
And I thought, wow, how could you do that? Why would you do that? That's really quick. But she was like that. She had a fear of abandonment. She didn't want to be by herself. I'm so good by myself because I don't hurt myself's feelings and I don't lie to myself. So I learned that over the years that I'm good by myself. But I'm grateful I'm not anymore. So I get it
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 3:22
You. Thank you so much for responding on this. Well, and all of that was very valuable information. You know, women and men stay in abusive relationships for various reasons. Sometimes we rationalize to ourself that I can help him, he needs me. What would he do without me? What are my kids going to think? What is my family going to think? Oh, another failed marriage. What are they going to think? It's a whole, whole lot of reasons
And then I was doing the same thing with the same type of women, and my man told me, he said, Listen, bro, you keep picking the same type of women, so they ain't the problem no more. You up to, like, three. You the problem. Why are you picking these women? So at this point, he's basically asking me, am I a victim or a volunteer? Because I should see it coming by now. But it's never that easy
Mehnaz Amjad
@Mehnaz_Amjad · 3:47
So culture, upbringing, belief system and the meaning associated with a successful relationship, a complex culmination of all, is what make women, Indian women who I including myself, believing in it for a very long time, ID them reason why we put up and stay put in an abusive relationship. My own experience, I would say sometimes along with this, there's our inner wounded child and a fear of rejection and abandonment
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 3:06
Everybody has that testimony that has a long term marriage, but what they don't tell you is exactly what they went through. And not that they have to, but I think some people need to know, because sometimes women, people will accept abuse thinking that this is just something we have to work through it's, that for better or worse, that I signed up for it's. That okay. Every day isn't sweet. So today, whatever happened wasn't sweet, but tomorrow is sweet
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 1:47
It's so many reasons as people were explaining why people stay and it's ridiculous because the thing that gets me the most is the person that's getting victimized starts to believe what the victimizer has told them, that you don't deserve happiness or no one will be with you or want you or you're not smart enough. You just think you everything. Well, you're not or you're never going to be able to leave or I'll kill you. They do that a lot too
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 3:26
So, yeah, I think that people do need to talk about more so how they made it, how that song goes, how I made it over. Well, how you made it through, because it's important. We're taking new generations and making women out here in this world, men out here in this world that don't want to be abused, shouldn't have to be abused
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 3:19
I will be there to essentially hold your hand long distance. I will give you any information that I can give you in order to help you, because if you are being abused, you need to go. You need to get away because your life is special too. I'm sorry that I'm commenting all of this on the response to you, but thank you so much for chiming in telling us your perspective and what goes on in the Indian culture, because I didn't know that
Cheyonia Wade
@Chey · 4:55
You. So, like many have said, there are many different reasons why men and women stay in abusive relationships. And I can only speak for myself because we all have our reasons. But for me, I didn't know it was abuse. And that took me on a journey that was, like, mind blowing. It took a toll. I don't know who, how or what decided that it was time, but when it was time, there was pretty much nothing anyone could do
Cheyonia Wade
@Chey · 4:51
In that moment, it took me on, I want to say, like a spiritual journey. It took me on a physical journey. Mike I went through a lot, and I never expected it to be all of that. But in the process of that, I did so much healing. I came to so many understandings of it's. Mike I'm reaching out to people, and I'm telling them what's happening. And I'm like, this doesn't Mike sense to me
Cheyonia Wade
@Chey · 4:41
And she said, and your children never had a clue. Do you know how strong you had to be? And I was just like, I don't ever want to hear that word again. I'm tired of the word strong. Just because I can doesn't mean that I should have to be taken advantage of and beat down. Like, that's not okay. So it's a word that I don't put in my vocabulary anymore, the word strong
Cheyonia Wade
@Chey · 4:55
But it was a lot of mental manipulation on my own part for self healing to get to those pivotal points, because I was just so used to taking care of others from such a young age that it was normal, it came first nature. But this last one, my point was, we come from a time where everything was hush hush. You didn't speak on certain things, especially if you were a victim of sexual abuse or physical abuse
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 2:52
And this right here will help them to realize I don't have to be a punching bag. And not all abuse is physical, like you say. It could be financial. There are some guys out there that don't want to work and want to see you do everything because they know you'll do it. Not because you can, but because they know you will do do it in order to make sure that your kids and stuff and you and him are taken care of
SOUL MIND
@BEAUTIFULSOULMI · 2:18
And she said that to me, oh, you're strong, you're strong. My ride home, I thought to myself, where do I get permission to be weak? Where is that? Is there a person that I'm still wondering that? I guess I have to give my own self permission to be weak. I don't have the luxury at this time to be that
Cheyonia Wade
@Chey · 5:00
So that was something that I had to address with myself, for myself and to myself. And then I started to live in it. I started to live in it. And at that point, I kind of had no one else but me. Because as you're losing things, you're losing friends, you're losing family members, the ones that they don't want you to have an influence on the people that were only there because of what you had
Cheyonia Wade
@Chey · 2:51
While you're in here, it is your responsibility to kill that buck. It's your responsibility to take that trash out. It's your responsibility to do certain things, because while I can do it, this puts me back into a masculine phase that I don't want to be in. I like my soft girl era, and it is beautiful. I like to get dressed. I like to wear my dresses now. I like to be colorful. These are things that I enjoy doing
Antionette Wiggins
@Queen11 · 3:56
How can I help you now? And pray that they do make it out. Because some don't make it out. So they stay because they love them, the abuser. They love them to the core. And he wasn't or he didn't show that side of themselves when they first met. So they know the good side of them. They know the loving side of them, the caring and the giving side of them. And sometimes they think their love will win them overload
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 1:30
So the thing that you said about asking them, what do you need now? And continuing to pray with them is the most important part because you do need a plan. An exit plan needs to be set and it needs to be safe. You can't just jump up and leave. And a lot of the abusers chey will hurt you. They will kill you if you try to leave. So I love what you said about praying with them and asking them, what else do they need?
CinemaReel L.
@ReelTalker · 4:58
They think in their heads they're not going to feel this way from anybody else. Maybe the victim in this situation did not have the best luck landing a guy or a girl. And then finally that person is telling them what they want to hear. And they feel so good and they feel so special because that person is telling them all the things they've wanted to hear for so long. But what Chey don't see is all of it is just a power struggle
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 4:07
They need strength and resolve and a place, a safe place to go. So I'm so glad that you talked about this today because it is so sad to see a loved one, a friend or just someone that you work with even being abused. And it's nothing you can do. You feel powerless, helpless. It's almost like you're being abused too. They're just not putting their hands on you because now you have to see this and you can't unsee it
holly gagne
@hollytalksalcoh · 4:46
So it makes things a lot more difficult to come to terms with leaving that individual when behind that individual is an entire family and support system that you are drawn to. And I think that people are scared of creating bad blood if they're in my situation, right? Like, they're scared of leaving because maybe they want to keep the family relationships that they've made. Which is kind of selfish to say, but it is a reason that people stay
Kelly Gentry
@KellyGPhD · 1:15
And then speaking to your point about, well, you love the person, so you don't want to leave, and you wait for them to change. And you think, well, if I just change this one thing that they keep telling me I'm doing wrong, then they won't verbally or physically abuse me or try to control me. And they think that that's how relationships work because that's all they've ever known. Like
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 4:00
So even if you leave this person or broke up with that person, the people that really love you, that have only the highest aspirations and love for you will remain because they're going to want to know how you're doing, how your daughter is doing. Is there anything they can do to help? In my own personal experience, I didn't have children with my first husband, and I stayed because I loved him, which I said before. I also stayed because I felt trapped
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 1:49
You know, I don't know how that affected me the way that it did, but obviously it was not what I needed to see as a child. And I won't use that as an excuse of why I allowed it to go on so long, but it did contribute to my lack of seeing a good marriage. I'll say that my parents are still married to this day. 54 years later, they're still married. So even though they're still married, I did see the abuse
Therapy Health
@Shmookie · 0:58
You. Wow, that was so insightful. For such a long part of a person's life to be in such a situation, mike makes sense because of all the connections, both externally with people and relationships and internally, the neural networks about the body reinforcing to stay in this place because of all the repercussions and consequence answers. I'm wondering if you can share. How did you actually do it?
Therapy Health
@Shmookie · 0:45
It's just something that's so intriguing that for such a long period of time is it because of being groomed? Is it just simply behavioral applied psychology? Is
Treypøp Duce
@KING3POPOFLA · 4:09
To where is it that much rage, that much anger in your soul just for that second? To where I always used to tell her accidents happen. You know what I'm saying? Okay, I'm going to just end it with this. I also want to say that I think people stay because they can brainwash you a little bit to where they can make you think that they're the only thing you got when you know that they are not
Treypøp Duce
@KING3POPOFLA · 2:42
And as much as it makes you feel some kind of way, you actually have to be honest with yourself or God, if you don't be honest with nobody else except and know what you were dealing with and acknowledge, you know what I'm saying? Stand up for yourself. You don't have to take that no matter how long you've been with a motherfucker. Because my sister told me just because the motherfucker been together for a long time, excuse my language too, I'm sorry
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 2:14
I'm not telling you what to do, but if it's bad in the home, it ain't going to be much better outside of it. It really isn't. I think everybody can work through things if they really, really want to. But if it is killing you, if it is harming you, putting you in harm's way and I mean mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, you need a break. You need to find out what you really want
