Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 1:14
Today on Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Interview with Professor Brian Foreman , Author of the book Relationship PTSD. #PTSD #SwellInterview #LadyFi
Hello. Good morning, my swellcast family. Good morning. I'm going to be doing an interview today with one of our fellow swellcasters. He has written a book called Relationship PTSD. I believe this directly correlates into my series Love Shouldn't Hurt. He is writing this book based on his wonderful 20 plus years of experience as a psychology professor and a psychologist alone. Also, he's had previous relationships that may have contributed to this information as well
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:33
Was that something that you wanted to go into you when you were in college at first, or is that something that you discovered after coming out of college that that's something that you wanted to do?
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 2:06
You as far as being a professor, it it kind of came about as accident. I was finishing up my degree. I hadn't finished it yet. And I had a former classmate of mine when I was in college that was finishing up her PhD in counseling, and she was teaching at a local private university. And we were both going to the same university for our graduate degrees, mine being a master's, hers being the PhD at the time
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:36
It's in your book relationship PTSD. Can you tell us a little bit why you wrote the book? Because I know you have so much experience working with couples and families and PTSD, as well as domestic violence. But can you tell us why you thought it was necessary to write the book at this time? Because I truly believe it's necessary to have some type of blueprint, if you could say it at that point, as a blueprint, but something to reference in regards to relationship PTSD
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 4:15
And it fits in with relationships because if you have a terrible experience, and I've been using this quote when talking with people about this book, is if you're in a relationship where you're walking on eggs, walking on eggshells all the time, you don't want to speak up, you're kind of timid. And I'm bringing this to you from a man's perspective
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:11
You. Thank you for those answers. I guess we should start clarifying with what is PTSD and how does that tie into a relationship? It
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 4:27
It. I touched on it briefly in the last Response, but PTSD is a traumatic emotional response to trauma, where, again, this originated with military personnel coming back from war having seen what they saw. I give a simplified version. There was a story I read years ago, a little girl who got PTSD. Her babysitter put her to bed and thought she was asleep, and she proceeded to watch a marathon of very scary movies. I believe it was like the Saw movies
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:20
Thank you. Thank you so much. Sir, I'd also like to ask you, what are green flags? I mean, you mentioned green flags in regards to your book relationship PTSD. When you say green flags, what are you referring to? I know we say something about red flags, but what exactly are green flags?
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 4:27
I slid my phone across and I said, well, the passcode is and she froze up that she could use my phone. To me, what that identified is, okay, she's had issues with not being able to see a significant other's phone. And again, this was just the first date, so it wasn't anything. I didn't expect her to go cruising through my phone, but I also had nothing to hide. And to me, a green flag
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:29
It. What is power control and how does that tie into PTSD? Because here on love shouldn't hurt. I always talk about how the abusers use their power, their temperament, their well, their non temperament, their ill manner and behavior to go ahead and power grab you or use their power control in order to keep you trapped in a situation that you no longer ever want to be in. Sometimes you don't even realize you don't want to be in it just yet
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 3:54
You're the one with no credit rating, because they're not going to let you look things up. They're not going to let you be online. They're not going to do any of that. Power and control is a very nasty tool
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:30
You here on love shouldn't hurt. I always talk about how relationships can be so toxic, and relationships develop that way because they're not grounded in what's real. I believe in the first place, you mentioned green flags before, and then you mentioned also power control. But how does that tie into toxicity in a relationship? And how do we determine if a relationship in itself may be toxic?
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 3:44
It. Here's the one thing that many people will not admit. Some people like it. Some people thrive on chaos. They thrive on toxicity. And because your toxic relationships sometimes are those wild spending, spree type relationships, that wild sexual activity relationships you had mentioned in the opening. I've had some relationships, and I had one where I remember my adult child sees my phone ring. We're driving somewhere, and my phone's in the hands free
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:13
You mentioned about the 80 20 abuse rule. Basically like a sliding scale in regards to abuse. What do you mean when you describe it as 80 20?
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 3:16
And often in that type of relationship where it's 80 good 20 toxic, after that toxic fight, that's where that makeup sex and all that good endorphins come in because got riled up. So often those relationships last a long time, where you see people that are yelling and screaming at each other. The next they're dancing on the dance floor and people are like, I don't know why they stay together, because 80 2050, you could flip a coin and maybe find someone better
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:44
I mean, we have several forms of cheating, right. But electronic cheating, I think, is something that's new in the last ten years or so that people are starting to participate in. But can you explain that a little bit in more depth for us today?
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 3:52
Only I don't know that's electronic cheating to me, unless you explicitly have it in your relationship where porn is okay going and subscribing, particularly subscribing and spending your household money on somebody's OnlyFans, which for those who don't know what OnlyFans is, it's adult sex work for money where they do videos and other things. And again, it's world's oldest profession is prostitution. So sex work should not be frowned upon because if people weren't buying it, it wouldn't be profitable
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:56
Professor Foreman, I would really like to thank you for being here with us today. We have learn so, so much. I'm really looking forward to your book. You are here on swell under the up north minimalist. You do have a website at www.briankeithforman.com and I'm going to go ahead and change the spelling on my swellcast here because I believe I spelled your first name wrong and I do apologize for that. I spelled it like my cousin as opposed to how it should truly be spelled
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 2:45
You one big one I'd like to point out, and it's it's one of the chapters, it's how to be single and how how to know when to look again, when to start again. I think it's important to
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 1:55
I believe that he can better summarize where you can find his book, but wherever you can find it, I'm sure that I'm going to be getting a copy really soon. I thank him for being here. I thank you, Mr. Foreman, so much for taking the time out today to be with us, to inform us, to keep us informed. Because love should never hurt. All of us are worth saving
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 3:02
I've gone there by myself. I've taken other people, and it's something I'm never going to stop doing, regardless of my relationship status or situation. So take some time for yourself. We have this mythology that we have to find the person who completes us. And I'll end with this. What if that person who completes us is the person we want to be, not the person we've been told to be? Take care again. I am Brian