Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 1:42
#SwellInterview #TellSwell | Love Shouldn’t Hurt: Interview with Dr J.L. Beasley (Part 1) #ladyFi
Today on love shouldn't hurt. We have a special guest. We're going to be talking to Dr. JL Beasley and she is going to be talking to us about her website, her Sisu, and some things that she does in regards to counseling of women of domestic violence or survivors of domestic violence. And she offers so many different other services. She is a woman has really got it together
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:26
Thank you once again, Dr. Beasley, for joining us. As per our discussion before, domestic violence is something we hear so much about in the news. We see it oftentimes in our friends and our family members. But what is domestic violence? I mean, it has several connotations, it has several things that it actually entails, and not all of it is physical. Can you elaborate a little bit more about that?
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:28
Hi, lady five. Thank you so much for this invitation from you to highlight domestic violence awareness during National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It is an honor. It's definitely a privilege and an honor, and one that I say I am grateful for my experience with domestic violence because it has led me to be able to be a resource to others on their path to freedom and wholeness. Providing resources based on evidence based resources that exist literature, research and my very own experience as a survivor of domestic violence
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:31
Thank you so much for answering that. When you're in a situation that can threaten your safety as well as your children, what do you tell them? I mean, what are some of the conversations that you should have with your children in regards to what's currently going on or what has been going on? Because children are smart and they see and do understand that something is wrong. But as kids don't always know how to deal with that, what do you tell them?
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:46
Hey, Lady Phi, this is a great question about what to share with children. Most often people might say, who are experiencing domestic violence or are the perpetrator themselves. They might say, hey, we have to stay together for the children. The children need to be in a two parent household. And many people ultimately do decide to stay because of that. And here's the thing
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:30
Thank you. I think all of that would be extremely helpful. Because, like I said, children really do see and understand so much. When we previously talked, you mentioned the reconciling of yourself in the mirror. What did you mean by that? I mean, I have a two question. I guess it's a two part question to this, because what is reconciling yourself in the mirror?
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:57
Remember saying to myself, I am still going to move forward with this person and allow myself this is how you make the transition from victim to survivor. Allow myself to be a victim of domestic violence or to be in this relationship is I was in family relationships. I was in a relationship, I did not have to be single. And I'm connected with this other human being
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 0:39
When we leave a relationship, whether it's good or bad, we sometimes actually grieve the person. And in domestic violence, even though the abuser may not be in the picture anymore, it doesn't mean that we don't miss them. And I know that sounds foolish, it may sound stupid, but it's really not. No, we don't actually miss the violence or the demeaning talk associated the damaged relationship. But we can still miss them or grieve them
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:17
And sometimes victims get caught up in, oh, my gosh, that was a good memory, and I laughed or I smiled or it causes pleasant, pleasurable feeling, and I feel like I've betrayed myself. Have grace and patience with yourself as you progress the continuum of grief I'll end with
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 1:14
Now, she does have a wonderful website at which I will include a link in the comments, and she does have appointment slots. If you wish to continue sessions with her, which I think is a great idea, please go on over to her website, check it out. She has several resources that can help. Once again, I'd like to thank you for being here. Dr. Beasley on. Love shouldn't hurt
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:10
It's. Many thanks for inviting me on. Your love should not hurt series. It again truly is a privilege and an honor. And as I mentioned, I hold myself accountable to use my experience with domestic violence to be a resource to others who are on their path to freedom and wholeness, leading full and authentic lives on their terms and honoring, loving, valuing, respecting themselves so that they do not repeat the cycle of saying yes to another abuser. Just different name