Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is yours truly, Bernard Harmon. Yes, and I am posting a question about relationships because I think it is the most vital thing that we have in society today but fail all to have successful and healthy relationships between a man and a woman. The way God designed it, we say, right? But it has become very complicated area in the last 1012 years. Let's talk about it where it shouldn't be complicated at all
And so when somebody says I love you the way I love you, and I love you for my love language, it's become something to where they pretty much just define the relationship based on their terms, their mindsets, their creature comforts
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:59
You didn't help take care of me. And so now that father, he has to accept the responsibility that, yeah, I wasn't always there, but then he should try to talk to the child and try to get the child to understand and apologize and then not try to be the parent, but be the friend, right? And so that's the parent child relationship, and it is hard to navigate
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 5:00
And so I entered into relationships in a broken place. And so the relationship was broken because I was in a broken place and because I had the mentality, well, he won't me and I don't want to be alone and he won't me, so I'm just going to go ahead and do it. That's why I was in two failed marriages. So I've been married twice and divorced twice because I knew he wasn't the man for me
Bernard Harmon
@iambernard · 4:10
And when you're having this conversation with your partner, if you like quality time and they just like gifts, that's a disconnect. There's an off balance there. So we have to be very careful with the Love Language. I love love language. I think it's a way of starting to get to know someone, and it's a way to look and see how this thing is going to fit, how this relationship going to fit
Bernard Harmon
@iambernard · 5:00
Andrea, how you doing? I want to respond back to what you were talking about, about the parent and child relationship. And I'm just going to talk on base upon my experience and my relationship with my kids. When became a parent, I was very young, very young. I was 15 when my wife had my first daughter. And I didn't know anything about being a parent. I was still a child myself, but I became more of a parent father
Bernard Harmon
@iambernard · 5:00
Healing is very important when you're talking about enter into a new relationship. I just want to digest on that a little bit. Got to be healed. And yes, we go into relationship now not even thinking about marriage. We take marriage as a joke, but marriage is not a joke and you don't marry because you in love. You don't marry because you in love. Have you ever heard the commitment when they read the marriage vows?
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 2:20
She comes to me and she talks to me about things. And so, yes, they know I'm still mother and they still respect me as their mother and they still honor me as their mother, but I've also become their friend. And there's nothing wrong with that if that's not what you choose to be with your daughters. And relationships between the fathers and daughters are different than mothers and daughters, just like the relationship between fathers and sons are different
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 2:28
I appreciate that. And, yes, I agree that a lot of people go into marriages as a joke. They really do, and they don't take it serious, and they go into marriage thinking, oh, if it don't work, I can just get a divorce. Like I said, unfortunately, I did get a divorce, but I didn't go into my marriages thinking that, oh, if this don't work, I can get a divorce
You built your life on certain standards. I was raised by certain standards. But putting some type of standards on somebody else, it just feels like judgment to me. It feels arrogant. And I'm like, who am I to say? I said, oh, yeah, you can't go into a relationship or a hugging contest in full guard, you know what I mean, ready to knock somebody else back
Put it like that. So I'm going to do those things. But to say you tip, man, you know how many dudes tell, including myself? And the girl say, I don't feel like you love me. I go to work, don't I? What? Come on, man, I pay the bills. That's how I show love. I make love to you. Most of us is like, yo, sex is how we show love
And I know it ain't as simple as one, two, three, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's going to take prayer, meditation. It's going to take humility. It's going to take, you know what I mean, some time. Sometimes it just takes just to sit down and shut up. Because you hurt her. And explaining to her how you hurt her is hurting her even more. Let her go through what she got to do
And I've seen that and I've experienced that where it's one sided a lot of times. And the other person, like I had said earlier, will continue to show their love language to you as a way of circumventing actually having to try. And it's just a smokescreen. And I feel the same way about standards. I think it's great to have standards. I've always been one of those people who I'm not going to put up with nothing
Like, yo, man, you're different. You're worn down, or you ain't the same guy. She don't appreciate nothing or whatever. Didn't want to listen. Now I see it for myself. The awareness has gotten to a point where I see it for myself, and I'm still not moving. Expiration date been up, and it's been funky ever since
Marilyn Bloodworth
@ladyB521 · 4:52
When I look at or different ones that come to me, such as my grandchildren and great grandchildren, they come and they talk and they can't understand why they can't get it together with that person. And I think that has a lot to do with being able to look beyond, how do you say, the selfishness or the pettiness, and really see that person's worth or that person for who they are
Marilyn Bloodworth
@ladyB521 · 4:56
That to me says a lot. And here we are almost 43 years later. So I understand what you're saying. That person that you're looking for has to be somebody that sees your worth, that desires and want to build with you. You want someone that's not a gold digger. You want someone that's going to be there to listen to the times when you come home andrs you want to share things and sometimes you just want to pour out your heart
Marilyn Bloodworth
@ladyB521 · 4:33
I think relationships, you should still be able to let that person be who they are. I think it's a lot of competition today with these relationships instead of really looking andrs focusing on what is very important. I think a lot of women that maybe have been alone for such a long time, doing everything on their own, and then they meet this guy, and they still don't want to give in yet
Marilyn Bloodworth
@ladyB521 · 4:41
Hi, Andrea, this is LadyB. I'd like to answer that for me about marrying for love for me. My husband came after me. I didn't have a clue who he was. I mean, I met him and everything because I was chaperoning someone else in a different state. So he saw me and he mike what he saw. Of course, when I left to go back to where I was from another state just want to share this with you briefly to give you an idea
