That for me all was the true test of I now have to really implement my boundaries with my mother in a very respectful and yet assertive way. Now, it sounds easy, right? It's much harder than I'm making it sound. Still to this day, she has moments where she receives it well and this has come over time. And then she has other moments where she regresses because it's familiar to her to then do the escape goating and the gaslighting into
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:57
And I congratulated him on just how maturely he inserted his masculinity in the situation, voice of reason in the situation and wanted to share. Here is an example of what healing out loud looks like when you have contributing variables that are still in your life that you have to manage their level of access to you. You have to assert yourself in a respectful and loving way
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 1:53
And the healing journey doesn't necessarily have to be from domestic violence. It can be from any type of trauma or any type of family dynamics that have not been healthy or positive. Please share please share resources. Please share your reactions and reflections on listening to this piece and please pour it to others who you believe might find it helpful to hear. This is what it looks like and sounds like to hear out loud. This is what it looks like to advocate for yourself
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Blair Redmond
@blairbearing · 4:21
She didn't want to be a mom, and then she was a mom two times over, and it was just like, oh, now all of a sudden I have to think for this other person, and I'm still learning how to think for myself and still learn how to make decisions for myself. And some people aren't really able to flip that switch, and it's harder for them, and I understand that. So I had to forgive my parents
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:45
With that being said, the distancing myself was the hardest part of this journey because I had to break past what I have been taught, especially as a black person or how we say it in the black community, that your parents are everything. You tolerate anything that they say because they're your parents and you only get one set of parents. Yes, that's true. Just like I get one set of parents, they only have one of me
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:36
Here's evidence that she's okay, and she'll circle back to you. The child part of my brain that still yearns for my mother or for a mother says, why hasn't my mother acknowledged me? Not that this is anything that you have done, but some of the it starts to bring up feelings of not being good enough, abandonment, being disregarded. And then those feelings lead to me sometimes feeling numb or sad or whatever
Blair Redmond
@blairbearing · 1:48
How do I say it in a way that doesn't cause further trauma to myself because my parents going to be triggered or the person is going to be triggered and then they're going to respond back. So I'm all here for it. And just thank you for feeling, like I said once again, that this was a space, that you were able to do that. So I appreciate you