Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 4:45
Dating Chronicles: Acting out of desperation
I've been single more of my years than I've been in relationships. And as I think back to my single years or just my years in general, I never really had a struggle to get with someone. It was just never feeling like it was comfortable. Like my communication with them, my comfortability around them. It was never really that comfortable. But I would go through the steps and I would be able to I wouldn't be able to really connect on a deeper level
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 5:00
I'm able to jump head first into this great relationship that people told me about, that people told me, oh, well, I met this guy and we've been together for whatever he is. Like, he never went home. This is the case. And it left me open for the ones that were able to say all the right things in the beginning, in that first few weeks to draw me in and then try to be this horrible person
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 0:49
I just wanted to say that you are a wise, wise woman and I love that you're sharing your experiences here. We've talked and I've had some of the same and I think people need to hear it and I hope that they listen and don't find themselves in a situation repeated situation like what I have. So here starting over at 45 yet again. But I think this time I'm going to enjoy just being me
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 2:14
And that's not good. So I am looking forward to my new therapy session on May 2 because I am still working through that thing called fear. And what you've done in your past is the pure expression of fearlessness. And so don't ever feel bad about that. And at 45, you have experience. You know how to love, you know how to cater to a man. You know how to do all these things that you've learned through these failed relationships. Right
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 0:59
Because you are such a good person, and I can feel it in your energy, and I just want the greatest things for you. And, oh, I can't wait till you blossom, till you can let go of some of that beer. And you know I'm going to be here because I'm here for it. And I am your hype girl as well. You already know. So thanks for sharing your life with me
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 1:48
I would go through so many emotions and mental things and making poor choices during it and all of this, so the thought of repeating it frightened me. So to go through things and be like, you know what? I'm going to fight through it, that's more admirable to me. Yeah, it's a fear of not being loved. But I guess every corner coin, every side of the coin has its pros and cons is what we're going to say to that
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:39
Well, girl, just know I am over here hyping you up every time I see you post just because I think you're a cool a** chick. To be honest. It sounds like you have an avoidant style. I've been, of course, self helping and there's the therapy and whatever else, but it sounds like you're. I know a lot of a lot of people that deal with any kind of cPTSD or childhood trauma or things like that
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 4:49
And it's like no matter how many clear conversations I have with people, like I'll meet a man, we'll have a really detailed conversation and I know not to share too much because I know that people don't have your best interest at heart and so forth, but I can be really open to them and everything. I have a really good conversation and it still doesn't come out favorable for me sometimes
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 4:24
And then it's even been to the point where one time, probably two weeks ago, I was blocked him because of his behavior and he even went as far as calling me private and everything like that. And it just never gets better. It never gets better. I keep telling him it's not normal for people to go that amount of time without talking. If they call themselves interested in each other, like, you shouldn't have to
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 4:15
I meet him again to have dinner and we talked yesterday and we have a good discussion. And I'm basically just asking him what his emotional status is with his kids mom. I told him how he made me feel like he didn't care. And when I see weird changes in behavior, I run. I can't handle you being super nice to me for days and then I don't hear from you for days. And now we're going on a month without even being intimate again
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:37
If it makes you feel good, then it's worth pursuing. If you are waiting for the change in it, maybe it's not. So I included one of the healthy relationship things that I found and I wish I could do so many more. I may send you some more in private just because I can just send them and not blow up your complete feed. I don't know. Maybe I should put them here
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:37
So I also included in this I'm sorry, my dogs. I also included in this one a link at the top that is about 15 red flags to look for, because we're also good at ignoring red flags when we have attachment issues and traumas. So hopefully that can bring some kind of clarity as well. So as far as the first relationship, I'm thinking that I would require more than that for myself. That on again, off again, disappeared. Not talking for that long
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:33
Or are you spending so much time floored because these people aren't investing because to pursue a relationship you invest time. Are you not an investment? Do they not see your value? So I know where I'm leaning on both of them, but I know that's hard to hear and I'm not the fly on the wall in the whole interactions of your relationships with them. But I definitely think you should evaluate what it is, what is real that's in front of you
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 4:54
And I was, like, a distraction for whatever he was dealing with at that time. And he was attracted to me physically, right? So maybe he thought, like, okay, this could distract me from this woman, because, mind you, I told you, let me go to another one
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 5:00
And he's not a happy individual, and I think that he's attracted to what don't want him or something similar, or maybe he likes people to chase him. I'm not really sure. But for him, I just sent a message yesterday like, hey, I know you don't even like long messages, so I'm going to keep it short. I'm sorry. And I left it at that. And what I mean is, I'm sorry. I can't do this
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 4:43
But at the end of the day, yes it is, because you're still opening your body up to him. You still passing them soul ties and you got a person that if something goes down, you can't even depend on them for their support. They emotional support, their physical support, nothing. Because they don't give a f*** about you either. So I'm going to stick with dating. I still am dating someone that's a little long distance
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:34
All of that. I'm just proud of you. I'm proud of you. It's growth. It's true growth. And look at you. You got these m************ lined up. You talk about me? So the other one, that's like 2 hours away. Just make sure he's good to you and do your therapy and do what you need to do to have healthy in your life and bring healthy