Just because you're not a parent doesn't mean that you won't have some sort of influential role in someone else's life. So that's something very important for you to keep in mind as you choose to walk the journey of healing
Carly D
@Astroality · 4:59
And unfortunately, what ends up happening is when the child doesn't respond and cannot fill that need that the mother has. And the bigger the wound is, the more the need will be, right? The needier she's going to be, the more she's going to cling to that child. But when the child cannot fulfill that need, then she feels neglected once again. And so then resentment sets in, narcissism sets in, control sets in
Jordan Tepper
@JordanTepper · 2:29
We are just trying to unparent ourselves to be able to parent our kids better. We're trying to do less yelling because that has proven to not work. I'm trying to use more positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement. Never use positive punishment. I don't believe in spanking my sister in law, who's my age, she spanked my nieces and nephews. And I still don't think that did anything
Carly D
@Astroality · 0:57
My mom sounds like she's very much like your mom, and I had a really good relationship with my grandpa, where my dad had no relationship with his dad, so he kind of has the same thing. Like, oh, you saw a different side of him that I never saw. And it was different, I guess, because I guess he was very strict growing up, and when Grandparenting came along, he definitely changed his tune. So good luck on your parenting journey
But again, a lot of rules were put on it in terms of, yes, we love you, however we expect you to be a certain way, period. And it's been challenging, it's been hard, because who they want me to be versus who I am are two different things. So I could definitely relate to this a lot. But, yes, I have forgiven my parents, because in the end, forgiveness is for us
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:29
It. I resonate with this so much. And I think those soul contracts are what it's all about. It's something for them to learn as well as something for us to learn. And I think also because I come from a way messed up background, I have forgiven. I have forgiven because I had to do that. Work on me. For me. Does that mean that I accept those beings back into my life? No. Not at all. Not at all
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:19
And it's not bad. It's just getting yourself to that place of peace where you're like, man, sorry for you. Bless and release. You had a really tough soul contract, and I'm just out. Like, I'm out of ours. And I love that you also said, forgiving them, doesn't mean you have to allow them back into your life, doesn't mean you have to accept them back into your reality
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:06
And I know those are very powerful words, but I don't think people realize how much neglect and abuse there really is. Yeah, there are varying degrees of it, right? But it is a form of neglect. It is a form of rejection when you are only loved when you meet certain goals, when you meet certain expectations
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 0:45
So lots of love to you. I think you are a beautiful soul, by the way. I notice, I notice, and I'm going to keep noticing. And you are much appreciated
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:16
You can have the trauma of what happened or what you had to bear. And just to add to that forgiveness that you gift for yourself as much as them, I just wanted to suggest, in case you hadn't done it, that writing thing, just writing to get it out
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:31
And I took so much from this because one of the things that you said is not only do you write the letters, but you read them aloud. And I feel like that is so important because I feel like it's retraining us to use our voice, right?
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:35
I feel like they feel misunderstood, and they feel like they can't connect with others, not only because they don't understand them on a mental level, but also they feel like they're not able to emotionally connect with people. Sometimes so much of our energy is expended in our mental endeavors that we don't truly and fully emotionally connect. To have lost your father at such a young age, that's a difficult experience to have