Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 3:48
#AskSwell what is love? How do you know when you’re in love? Can you be in a relationship and not be in love?
It? What is love? What does it mean to be in love? What does it mean to fall in love? Can you truly love somebody if you don't really know what love is? Can you have been in relationships before and never really been in love? As I look back over my life and I look back at my relationships, did I have deep feelings for the men that I was in relationships with? Yes. At that time, what I thought love was, did I love them?
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:18
And I'm like, I do this for some reason, heartbreak has become a part of my life. And maybe for some reason I'm even attracting it, whether I realize it or not, because I'm so used to it. And so it's crazy to me. But I said something one day in a group that I'm in on Facebook when I first started getting back on the dating scene, like in Pandemic, I hired relationship coaches. It's a husband and wife team
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:08
I never asked or knew or wanted the need to see my father every night. The first time I slept under the same roof with him, I was, like, 19 years old, and that was because I went to go visit him. So I've been thinking through all these things, working through all these things, and because of the current heartbreak I'm experiencing is definitely in the forefront. I was like, I can't go through this again
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 3:05
And so I'm really earnestly asking because I want to know, and I don't want to choose the wrong man because he chose me, right? Well, he chose me, so he wants me, so I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that anymore. I did that. I did that, and I don't want to do that again because that hurts worse. So thank you for being vulnerable and for sharing
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 4:35
But what I found out in that time frame, and I hope this helps both of you, is that you have to find out what love isn't in order to really realize what love is. And I think both of you have got a piece of that. You got to realize what you will not tolerate, what you will not put up with, what you do want, what you desire. And I said you. Because before you can serve anybody else, you got to serve you
But some people pour slabs of concrete and walk away from it, and they think that's it because that's really all they wanted or just somebody just to be there. And it can be very strong, except the attachment seems like it can be as strong as your fear. The attachment can be as strong as your low self esteem or how much you hate yourself. And they both, at one time or another, feel the same. And that's painful. It's painful
It. And then somewhere along the line, you know, you realize you the prize in the relationship when you with somebody that's using you, too. You know what I mean? I've been in places where I'd be, like, thinking to myself, like, man, just lie to me. This just lie if you got to. I don't care. At this point, I just want to feel a little better, a little bit better about about what I'm doing here
Now I'm going to do what's right for me, for us. But she left on her own. She ended up in a mental hospital. She tried to commit suicide. I don't know why, but I know I ain't got that kind of power. I ain't running up out of there. That's one thing about being humble. Know what you can know what you can't do that. One I didn't touch, but I love
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:55
And as I talked to God about it, I still don't know if I've ever been truly in love with somebody I have loved. But I believe my love was on a surface level, I believe there's only two men that I've ever really loved where I really can say I put everything into the relationship to try to make it work. And so if that's what being in love is, then, yeah, I've done that twice
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:38
To expect something from someone and then to tell them what you expect, well, that's like a teacher giving you the answers to the test and then giving you the test, well, of course you're going to pass it because you got the answers, but that doesn't mean you know the material. You know the answers because the teacher gave you the answers