Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 4:58
Are parents of teens always right? In this first episode of Awkward Conversations with Reema, we explore our own high handedness as parents.
And that pause that made me think about my own teenage years where my parents took a lot of decisions for me or kept quiet when I took a lot of decisions because they felt like they knew better or what they had suggested to me or what they had withheld from came from a place of superior knowledge as adults, as someone who'd seen their life. And I feel like that may be true about 70% of the times that you've already lived your life
Nupur Chauhan
@Nupur_23 · 3:20
You know, when I was in my early teens, I fondly remember that I had a lot of heated arguments between me and my parents and none of the conclusion actually stated that who was completely right or who was completely wrong, but they were just very heated arguments. But now when I am in my late teens and I'd say the last year of me being a teenager, a lot of things have changed. A lot of things have changed within me as a child
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 4:01
And I hope this freedom that your parents have given you with the affirmation and the assurance that they're there for you, I hope it takes you a long, long way. Thanks again. Bye
I watched 13 Reasons Why I'm not Condoning or anything like that, but watching that movie has taught me a lot about what teenagers go through every single day when they're going to school and they come home and they have attitudes, and we're like, oh, why are you mad? They go through things themselves. They're little people. We got to learn to respect them as well. Once we get that down, the parenting becomes so much easier
But yes, both sides need to be understanding and both need to take the feelings and thoughts of the other into consideration. So thank you for this. Well, and I really look forward to more swells from you in the future
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 1:30
Hello. Thank you so much for the response. Hearing from teens and young people, it really reaffirms my faith in the way that I'm trying to look at parenting since the time I became a parent, and especially since I've been a single parent. And I feel like you're so right
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 3:05
And I've only had one, but even that's been difficult for me, very challenging. And in the everyday rush of life, you just forget that they have hearts and they have feelings. And the way we speak to them is how they also think of themselves. And so many times, like you said, I've also been rudely reminded of when my son has turned to me and said that you are hurting my feelings right now. I feel invisible. And that has made me stop
Every day, every day. You are the light. Believe in yourself. It's okay. US as parents, when they sit down and talk to us and lets us know we did a great job. Don't be so hard on yourself, parents. It's okay. We bug ourself out so much more than our kids. Just really be thinking like, wow, she's tripping for no reason. Mom, trust that you raise them right. Loosen up and never let your kids go
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 3:32
Hello. Listening to your message, your beautiful message, your voice and your energy has just lifted me up so much as someone who works in the mental health field and who's supposed to know it all when you are constantly messing up with your own child. And that happens a lot because you're human, right? There's this feeling that I sometimes get
Carly D
@Astroality · 4:14
Every male that was part of my life, a big male influence, especially my father, he's very negative, and he always sees the negative in every situation. In fact, he looks for it even when there isn't a negative, he will make a way to find one, and he will bring that to the forefront, bring that to the spotlight. So it's been a challenge for me to relearn how to parent from a perspective that is balancing the practicality of life, right?
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:59
And I'm asking these questions or I'm expressing this concern not because there's anything wrong with him, but I don't trust other people, and I don't have it perfected. I don't have it down packed. However, I believe that I am doing a much better job than my parents. The other part is we weren't allowed to give feedback to our parents. What they said was right. Even if it wasn't right, it was right
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 4:47
And just to be aware of where are we coming from and why do we parent the way we parent is such a huge leap because I really feel like the generations before us were not even there. They were so conditioned most of the times that they were carrying on this traditional way of parenting one generation after another. And one person just being aware is doing so much healing by just paying attention to, why do I feel this way? Where is this pain coming from? Where is this insecurity coming from?
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 1:49
Oh, but this can go wrong, and that can go wrong, and that can go wrong, and it takes him to point that out to me, that you're putting me down and apologizing and trying. Okay, let's give it this. Another try has often helped. And again, my teacher said this beautiful thing to me once that rima we can only try in our lifetime to change the damage that has been done over centuries of really harsh, strict kind of parenting
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 4:15
I think that's beautiful, that's powerful, and that's really, really healing in the way that you've been able to transmute your own pain into awareness and change the way that you relate to your kid. As an Indian parent, I completely hear it when you say that we were not allowed to give feedback because feedback was you're talking back to me. It was disrespectful. And we grew up like that, that we couldn't talk back to our parents
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:54
So just hearing your perspective and seeing other people who try to parent the way that I am trying to parent, because I'm certainly trying to break the mold, break the cycle, right? Because the cycle is just not healthy. It's not
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 1:40
But if you look at it historically, you see that we're really living in a time where we're actually not as much as in danger as our predecessors were, and they were constantly fighting for survival. So it makes sense the way they parented, the way they lived, because that was the only way they could ensure survival. But we don't have to be that. We don't have to do that
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:33
But if you are up and the adult in the house is up, out of respect, you come out of the room and you say, good morning. How are you feeling? Did you rest well? Let's acknowledge each other and sing for me, if I get up after you that I'm going to not just get up and go downstairs or go about my day, I'm going to enter the space where you are and say, good morning, son. How are you?
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 0:22
I thank you so much for sharing that. It has completely made my day. I was laughing as I was picturing his son doing that. And you're right, when they do these crazy things, that's like a pat on the back for us. And I hope we get more and more of those. Lots of love
Now, let's say for example, when I was smaller, my parents used to have medical problems and there were a few problems in our family that cannot be disclosed. But in those times it was really tough for us to go through things and even though we were there for each other, we always used to sit and argue because most of the times we would be irritated or we would not really think about situations
Swati Sharma
@Swatiselflove · 2:26
But now, because the times have changed and there's so much that they can learn from their own mistakes, there's so much that they can learn from being independent, we must let them be on their own instead of imposing our own set of values, own belief systems upon them. Because if you are projecting yourself as a good role model I'm sure things will never go haywire. They will never pick up wrong habits
Reema Ahmad
@Reema.Ahmad · 1:52
Thank you so much for responding. Swati and sorry it took me a while to see this. It got lost in all of the comments. And yeah, I agree with you that I think why we try and control our kids so much is because we are essentially very afraid and we're all possessive about them at some level
vani singhal
@vaanisinghal · 2:02
And by saying words like my kid will fall and et cetera, et cetera, things, they are just doing it as an act of protectiveness because they don't want their kids to fall and get hurt. And every parent out there is protective for their kid. There is no single parent out there who is not protective for their kid. And blaming it on parents for their protective nature is something which is not good. Basically, that protectiveness comes out of their love and affection
