This one doesn't apply to me and my partner because we met via physical, and we mainly physical, but it's something I do hear a lot about online relationships, and yes, it used to be the case back when we had mainly text based messaging. It was a worry. How do we know if the photographs were sent out legit? How do we know whether they are who they say they are?
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 4:10
So that's what I was getting at wasn't that you can't have a relationship online or you can't maintain a relationship online. I think that's for a lot of people, that's a significant part of certain relationships you have with people. But just that if you're dating, that trying to only date online can lead to a lot of heartache because of the way people behave online is different and they're not invested in the same way that they are
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 2:22
And I guess in some ways it's akin to going to a bar that people behave differently when they go to a bar because it is a disposable forum where you just talking to people, you're getting drunk, you're being very open, but you may or may not see each other again. And so the question of can you meet someone in a bar and established a relationship, obviously
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 3:40
You have some shared affinity that you don't have with people that you have around you. Coming from that perspective, it would be a little bit different. I'm more talking about the people who go on to Tinder and they're just swiping left and right, trying to find someone and hoping that out of a needle out of a haystack or that they'll be able to find someone and connect to them
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:17
It's varying with the culture, but I think the conflicting philosophies of thought are those who are online dating speed dating that they plan to meet within a very week that they're talking to the person versus those that actually don't really have a plan on meeting them, but they're just having this amazing chemistry. Is that what you're saying, too? It's interesting what a lot of people assume in the physical takes more precedent than the mental, the abstract
Tasha Frank
@NLOFrank · 3:08
Yeah, and I think that is very valid point to make. I don't think it's impossible to have a pure dating relationship online. I do think that eventually seeing each other in person is inevitable in order to move the relationship along. But I think you can establish maintain an online relationship, but it isn't for everyone. You are going to get a lot of difficulties. I think it's like with anything with me personally, it's making sure that you find that right person
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 3:35
I think you're right that it is situational and it does have to do with personality and also has to do with where people are just emotionally, because if you're just wanting to have casual interactions, then the technology may facilitate that a little bit more. You were making me think about the beginning of the internet, and online dating has kind of always existed and not just online dating, but online relationships
Melissa Mccarter
@lissahoop · 0:28
I'm going to just refer to a pop culture reference point my son actually pointed out because we showed him the movie is you've got mail. And how that kind of plays on the idea of people meeting online, this future couple meeting online, and then they meet and they don't like each other at all. But anyway, that's a cute example, kind of playing out some of the things that we're talking about. I don't know if you've seen it or not
Bowie Rowan
@bowie · 3:41
And I think dating online sort of highlights that it helps if you happen to have some friends in common because you can have other people that person or be like, hey, stay away. Hey, they're great, but that's increasingly harder. I think the older you get when it comes to dating, too. And I think I actually read something recently that was talking about how online dating now is the number one way that people meet their current partners
Charlie Olivieri
@Charlieri · 3:32
It's all about escalation when you're like starting out a relationship. Like Melissa's example of a bar relationship. If you just keep meeting at a bar and I've come across people that do this as well, like just going out and meeting people all the time. And if you're, like, constantly just hanging around with people while you're out getting drunk, you're only going to have a certain level of friendship or relationship with those people
Tasha Frank
@NLOFrank · 2:31
And if you're doing online dating, trying to find the people that are kind of really serious and the person for you, but that can also apply for dating in the real world. You could go on on physical dates with people. I know, people who've gone on physical dates with a few people that have met in various situations. And still, just because you got the person sat in front of you, how much do you know that person anyway?
Tasha Frank
@NLOFrank · 3:21
Thank you for mentioning that, because that is a really good point, I think, especially for the younger generation who are still developing. I do worry about for some young people a year or more out of being with their peers physically and how that has impacted on them and going to kind of the younger. They also have three nephews under the age of four and again, not being able to go to nursery and stuff how they have siblings
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:58
Great question, Charlie. I would say online dating now 70% of it is escalation. That is the apex is the meetup. That's all it is geared toward. And I would say long distance relationships. Now, I would even make an argument that it's even lesser in frequency now than it used to be, because back then it was kind of like an almost guarantee
Tasha Frank
@NLOFrank · 3:05
Hey, Boey, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and a bit of your own experiences. I think I definitely agree with you that it's not for everyone. And I think that in the past I've definitely had very strong opinions about online dating and in a negative way. And I've probably had some of the thoughts that I now get kind of comments about my own relationship, and it has opened my eyes up to realizing that it can work under certain circumstances
Tasha Frank
@NLOFrank · 3:58
And that can be incredibly, like, an incredibly big deal, especially for physical relationships when you have when I say this is relationships, I don't mean the intimate side of me when you meet in each other physically, and that's the first time you've met. But for me, the first time me and my partner in the same room together is a really big memory