Because I think sometimes the label or the term that's used can impact the level of relationship that you have in the family. If we're constantly throwing around step, that could always put a barrier or a wedge in that family and keep you guys from really being joined together. But maybe by removing that label, everybody feels like a family. And not just two families coming together, but one big family instead. So swell. Educate me. How do you handle stepchildren, stepparents, et cetera?
Antionette Wiggins
@Queen11 · 4:52
There's a difference if you can't fix it, but if your kids wants you to be in your life because I asked him, I said, I want to get to know your kids. He said, well, I said, okay. That's you. But I want to get to know your kids because I want them around. I got children. We got children. I don't want my daughter the only one over here doing family holidays and stuff
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 5:00
And I was just talking to her, and so I loved him, and so he had children, and the mothers were not doing a good job of co parenting with him as far as taking care of the girls. And so I stepped up, and so they love me because I stepped up, and that's how I am, right? My second husband, he has a son
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:28
And sometimes the the other parent is telling the kids to be disrespectful to the stepparents. Oh, you ain't got to listen to her. You ain't got to listen to him, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so the kids come to the house and they disrespectful and they talking crazy. And now you telling your husband or your wife like, hey, get your kids. What's up? Get your kids
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 2:33
So I'm interested in hearing what everything else, everybody else has to say, because without growing up with step brothers and sisters or bonus parents or things like that, this is out of my depth, really. But I hope one day that my daughter will recognize him as a bonus parent as opposed to stepfather
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:41
So on a personal level, the bonus mom and dad irritates me, even with the guy that I'm dating. I've encountered some what I call baby mama drama because it's been made clear, like, that's their kid and I'm his woman. If I were to be his wife. I'm his wife. And that's not how I would want it anyway. But it's like the same kind of thing happening. History repeating itself, but it's not me
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:01
Could your dad have done something different to help you and your stepmom build a better relationship? Because I often hear that a lot. Like, the parent has to set the standard between the children and the stepparent. And so I'm interested in knowing that. And yes, the mother in law, son in love, daughter in love. I mean, people don't understand that. Daughter in law, son in law, mother in law. These are legal terms
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:07
And she acknowledges, hey, she takes good care of my dad, and she's continued to be there for him and all that stuff, and she acknowledges what her stepmom has done for her dad, but it's definitely a stepparent stepchild type relationship. And she has siblings stepsiblings as well, and they're not that close, not really. The only time she really communicates with them is where her dad is concerned, because they do all live in the same city
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 2:28
I love the inclusion aspect of it because I think it really affects the level of relationship you have with your stepchildren when we all feel included and we're not just a branch on the tree somewhere, but know, we are all one family. I think that makes a difference. It reminds me of, like, when Will and know they have their two kids, but then Will was married before he's got another child, but they would all take pictures together. They would all even vacation together
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 2:00
And so I think that was a great point you made about buying in that at some point you have to look at what is best for the children and you have to die to self, have to crucify that flesh and die to self and put your feelings to the side
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 1:24
It. Hey, SIS. Thank you so much for your response. So yeah, so as an adult, you got to have your feel of the blended family thing, because it's different when you didn't see it growing up, and then you have to see it as an adult. But I pray that your daughter will see your husband as a stepfather, too, especially if he is really trying to build relationship with her
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:40
So most people, if their mother has kids with different men, your mama's babies, especially if you all were all raised in the same house, it's just usually brother sister, nobody makes a distinction until it's time to say, my dad his dad. But if the dad has other kids, that's usually where half siblings could come into play
Arthur Benitez
@Arthur_Dante · 4:49
But I think that it is also very important that they establish a good relationship with a new adult that is coming into the family. So, for instance, if you're marrying someone with children, you cannot see the children as a separate deal. Like you are marrying to this man or this woman, and they are part of a family, and you are becoming a new member of this family. And it is very important that you establish a strong relationship with your new children
And we're technically, I guess, by law, considered half siblings because we have different fathers. But the family I grew up in, I grew up in a very strong, loving, close knit family. So if you was family, you were family. If you came into our family through marriage, you were family. We didn't do step, bonus, extra side pieces, none of that. And so my sister is my sister