Dr Toni Murray
@KneadedConvo · 3:36
Triggers, is it a Trap?
And I look at that and the perception is you're upset, you're angry, you're behaving aggressively. And it's not fair. My trigger, the things that trigger me is not fair to you. But then there's a response. How do we get out of this cycle, people? I'm just curious, how have you managed this?
There's a scripture in the Bible, I think, that says that a soft voice turns away anger. But I've had this work on me, so that's how I know that it works. Because I remember, I think I was at work one time and I just was just like loud, just going off about something. And there was this woman, this black woman, a little older than me, and she just responded to me in a very calm, sweet voice
Dr Toni Murray
@KneadedConvo · 4:15
And so I really think about the situations where you have two people, there's triggers and someone holds you responsible for their triggers, for their triggers, which maybe you stepped on a landmine of theirs, there's a reaction on their part, you react to their reaction and then this cycle begins, right? And the person really never examines themselves and the triggers that they have, right? And so then you become responsible to tiptoe, to trap dance around their triggers
I guess I'm just not the one for you. And I guess we should kind of minimize our contact. How can the relationship move forward? How can we have get to any understanding? I just don't know because I know on my side of the street, I'm not really trying to hurt you. I'm not trying to upset you. I'm trying to understand you and I'm trying to communicate with you. But I can't do the tap dance
Linda Simms
@Arayablue · 5:00
You. Hi, my name is Ariah, I'm kind of new to Swell, and I was listening to your topic on triggers and relationships. And I had to laugh because I was listening to how you describe the two people. And I was also listening to another person's response or reply. And I remember doing a group and asking the group in group therapy for addiction, are you a reactor or are you a Pauser? Do you pause before you react?
It's. Thank you, Simms, for contributing to this discussion. I think it was such a good topic and one that a lot of people can relate to. But just briefly, I just want to say your last point about having no resolution. That's the tipping point. That's when you got to turn the page, because if it just is no resolution and it's continued escalation, it's nothing positive. Nothing positive, and there's nothing to be gained
Dr Toni Murray
@KneadedConvo · 3:44
We don't all have the same response time to stressful situations, but at the end of the day, is it worth it regardless? And the way that you respond, is it worth it? I think the goal should always be to save the relationship. Save the relationship. Even if that means if you're more on the quiet side and pause, just building the courage up to speak and speak in a timely fashion and not allow too much time to pass
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
How I deal with my triggers or how I deal with this, especially with other people. The field that I work in has actually trained me. I'm a servant, I'm a social worker