Deborah Pardes
@DBPardes · 3:10
#AskSwell | Do You Feel the difference between Celebrating and Tolerating?
Anyway, I wrote her a note after that to really explain the pain I've been in for being tolerated for 40 years and not celebrated. And I explained to her that we don't want to continue this legacy, and I want to bring in joy for Andrew's life. And I got back a really short, horrible note from her that has caused me great pain, but it's also reflective of her. I consider it mental illness because no one can be this mean in their right mind
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 2:54
But it is what it is when it comes to marriages, whether the couple is gay or not, there's plenty of times when we marry those that our family doesn't approve of. They come to the wedding, they tolerate it, but they're not really celebrating. And so there is a difference. It'll be great if we all celebrate each other, but it's not
And I feel like she put me in a position where I had to take sides, where she didn't want me to have a relationship with my father, to put it simply. And I consider it now as a therapist. It was triangulation, but at the time, I was younger and I kind of went along with it because I didn't want to upset her
Deborah Pardes
@DBPardes · 1:28
It's got a general aspect to it that's very personal and very specific, depending upon what we're talking about. But it's a ubiquitous topic in a way, and you really remind me of that, and I appreciate that. And we all have experiences where we see the sort of this ambiguity or almost apathy that we feel from others in certain situations. And we'd rather have sometimes we'd rather have more honesty
Deborah Pardes
@DBPardes · 0:25
Hey, Mark. Thank you so much for this very insightful crystallization of what this is for me and for others. I think you really nailed it, as you do a lot. Thank you so, so much. And I am indeed in the desert, and I'm taking deep breaths, and I hope you have a really good weekend. And I'm sure I'll hear from you over the weekend, which is wonderful. Okay, take care
Deborah Pardes
@DBPardes · 1:23
And I think we're not always knowing what the result is going to be when we act from our passion and our conviction, but it's the brave thing to do, for sure. And I'm really appreciative of you telling us your story and that it sounds painful and we have a lot of opportunities in life to turn things around, but sometimes it really does take two people to change and not just one person, but we can all hope for things
Rasheeda S.
@rahintellect · 4:36
Sometimes that support doesn't come from those who you expect it to come from. So I wish you, your nephew, much peace, enjoy moving forward through this endeavor and hopefully things change. And I say that because my situation has turned around. Well, I had to deal with a lot and learn a great deal of forgiveness. However, things are working better
Deborah Pardes
@DBPardes · 0:47
Rashid, I wanted to thank you for adding your voice here, your compassion, your empathy, and just how there's such a universal conversation that happens when we kind of all drop into the experiences we have. And it's just I just appreciate your voice here and your comments and better days ahead, for sure, for everybody
Deborah Pardes
@DBPardes · 0:45
And as you were able to open up to just getting to know your brother more and helping him heal his wounds, it must be so powerful for him to have you as a friend. So wishing you all really good love and connection. And I appreciate your voice here so much
Heather Robin
@Heather4Robin · 4:09
I'm not sure I'm holding out for that to stay true. My mother always says I can only behave for so long, and that has been the case. I think it makes it much more painful for what you're going through because you've had your own problems with the message and now you're seeing also how the message is hurting your nephew