Being raised by mamas and aunties who really can't show them how to be men. Brothers are fighting and struggling, trying to find their place in this life, sometimes making bad decisions because they really want to do right. That's the culture of the black family. That's just how we do. You think we're fine, but you have no clue. We laugh, eat, and drink when we gather, all the while ignoring the elephant in the room. That black mental health matters
They believe in a culture of complete cover up, throw everything under the rug, do not talk about or think about anything that's going on. And there is serious, serious problems in the families there. I ran into so many issues with incest and rapes in the family and abuse to the children and spousal abuse, and none of it was talked about. It was just accepted
Denise A. Kelley
@DAKelley · 3:14
You said something else that was key, how not only do we don't let the outside in, we don't let each other in. Like for those in a family that don't know, you won't know. Like if you don't know in the family, you have to keep your ear close to the door to find out little things. I know this is how my family is. I come from a big family
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Literally, if you mention anything in their society about family or even talk about something that's happened within the family, the whole family will attack you. I mean, completely attack you. You will be ostracized and just your name is mud once you actually bring up something that's gone on. I had a circumstance, I won't mention the names, but I actually married a bohemian man. That's why I ended up staying there for so many years
And I'm sorry for going on so long, but I am just very passionate about this particular subject because of how much destruction I've seen in the black community because of it and in my own family, the toxicity that existed, and the poisonous nature of our relationships within my family because of this type of thing. So I am definitely an advocate for teaching our children and our next generations to work through these problems and not just sweep it under the rug
Denise A. Kelley
@DAKelley · 4:09
I don't prescribe to, oh, that's my cousin, free pookie because he's my cousin. No, no. If Pokey did the crime, then Pokey wrong. Cousin or no cousin, brother and no brother, if they did the wrong, then that's wrong. I don't care who did it. I don't care. That is your mother, your father, your uncle, your auntie. Wrong is wrong
And I found it amazing that in their culture, it's a huge thing to be a person that does not speak on family pain. If you're able to keep a secret, if you're able to hold that to your vest, if you're able to sweep it under the rug, you are applauded and praised. And I found that disturbing, so disturbing that they were praising people for not discussing what was right in front of your face
So I have found it fascinating. Like I said, there's a fascinating study into our culture, into our families, into the structure of our homes and how we exist and it's something that we need to heal ourselves from. There's a lot of healing and mental health awareness that needs to take place in the black community. There's a lot of fixing that we need to do within our families and there's a lot of generational curses that we need to break
inderjit …
@inder · 4:11
And unless the unifying oneness is embraced, we continue to hurt and feel the pain. And thank you so much for bringing this out. These are the unsung anthems odds to the wars we fight every day, every waking day of our lives, all of us in our differently boxed cultural environments. But then to bring it out is a poet's duty. To share it with the world is a poet's obligation. That's how change begins. That's how we sensitize others to our pain
Denise A. Kelley
@DAKelley · 0:51
Thank you so much for listening. And I apologize for this late reply. But yes, once again, thank you so much for listening. You know, you said something that's just key the key, if you will, and that is basically that god is the ultimate answer, regardless of the race, of anyone that's dealing with whatever issue, race, creed, color, the ultimate answer is God. I really resonated with that because I'm a strong faith believer