Tamara Mays
@TheTamachan · 5:00
Fake, inaccurate, non-credentialed relationship advice & layman psychoanalysis is a harmful practice. From a credentialed counselor & CA survivor.
My mom realized I was traumatized, and then I went to therapy pretty much every f****** week for years. And when it comes to intimate relationships with an adult, a person that you want to be their lover and be their emotional support, you're not equipped as just a random layman to start assigning values to people's wounds and their traumas. It's beyond you. And that's not any type of negative thing
Tamara Mays
@TheTamachan · 0:54
Alright. So when I ended this last swell, I was actually really happy that I managed to time it well enough for it to basically loop where I finished my statement with my title. But what's important to me though, is that we all talk about it. We need to talk about it. If you have the spoons to talk about it, I think we should talk about it. It's like steeped in our culture and I want to hear from you guys
Deborah Pardes
@DBPardes · 1:42
I think it's really an important conversation to keep alive. And I appreciate where you're coming from, so thank you so much for initiating it. I'm looking forward to seeing what people think
Jack .
@zejacques · 1:44
I think conversations like this, I think platforms like as well, where people can can have more authentic, emotional, heartfelt conversations and then more accessibility to healthcare, to therapy, that would be just a solution I can think of right now
Tamara Mays
@TheTamachan · 4:51
People are equating it to wokeness or whatever the f*** that means. Even right now, with the mental health services that are provided, very few actually have actionable steps. There's a lot of workbooking and networking with people who all have the same message. And I don't see a whole lot of nonprofits with programs that are focused on what self care is and how that's actually executed. Practice. My practice is that I helped teach these sustainable solutions when I founded the nonprofit
I mean, that Twitter post got almost 40K retweets. So, yeah, I don't know, it's pretty mind boggling. And I definitely fell into that kind of selfcare rabbit hole where I would read posts, and at the time I was like, oh, this is really helpful. I guess there is a good aspect of social media. I know there is, but I was like, I found it
As I listen to this thread and I reflect on my own behavior and then the observations I have of others, I'm confused. And so I'm hoping for some clarification because I think that psychology is a difficult topic to somehow will separate from the human experience, right? So to say that only some humans, those who are credentialed, can speak about it, but others can't, how do we do that and what does that look like?
A few thoughts like this Tweet and the interaction of how many retweets and likes it thoughts and then the response. There's so much psychology wrapped up in this and isn't it? It's so fascinating that the person who usually says something like that is coming from a place of having been left so they're in that defensive state that cornered, animal wounded. We can't even necessarily look at our own contribution to how the relationship ended. We're just like we're in pain
Tamara Mays
@TheTamachan · 4:00
If people aren't citing any type of source for the misinformation that they're spreading, and what they're really spreading all over the place is they're hurt. And while viral tweets are popular, it doesn't mean that they're harmless, and it certainly doesn't mean that the person who happened to get their voice amplified that it was a voice worth amplifying the tweet was if they love you, they'll stay
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
There's no need to blame anybody for decisions that we choose to make because we are equipped to know the difference between right and wrong. Regardless if there's two parents in the house or not, regardless of where being told was right and wrong there's something inside of us that do give us the ability to know that it's between right and wrong. And when we're accountable for knowing that it's up to us to make the decision on how we're going to live our life
Because as long as people keep getting misinformed about love and relationships or whatever the case might be, the truth is always going to be hidden somewhere. So that's just my opinion about it. I hope I wasn't off key and I thank you for your post
Tamara Mays
@TheTamachan · 4:59
And psychology says people like to be talked to, like the way we encourage toddlers out of science and the way that we currently communicate right now through social media. It has a lot of very negative adultified bias and it's dysfunctional. We've got to find a way to make connecting with other people less scary and less rude and, of course, very human. We want them to be able to relate to each other, no matter what your viewpoint is
I'm genuinely confused, as I was when I responded the first time. I am sorry if my confusion and the way that I communicated inferred something I did not intend, that my communication may not have been effective or clear. I offer this only because we're speaking about psychology and perhaps it was a caveat I should have stuck in the beginning but didn't think it was necessary. And that's, again, on me. I'm autistic
And when you care, you want to say something back and you don't know if you're saying anything other than what you feel you would do. I try to be very careful in giving anybody relationship advice. I kind of just let them talk to me. As a friend, I think people need things deeper. I do tell them, please don't be above getting counseling
Tamara Mays
@TheTamachan · 1:27
And maybe there was more there than just in the words. That's definitely fair. Feel free to give me tips, but you don't have anything to apologize for. And again, I hope you can listen to my statements from a place of passion. There's no good guy or bad guy here. Just a very passionate, sensitive, also neuro divergent person who wants to make a change
Tamara Mays
@TheTamachan · 5:00
When I was credentialed, they made it very clear that once you start influencing their behavior, that's where you've gone from being a confidant to being an advisor and as a consultant, I've done. Like being a professional confidante, it's very easy to keep people secrets. It's not hard to listen to them talk about the things that are bothering them, that they're working through the obstacles that they're facing, and they want to grow
Zara Lisbon
@ZLisbon · 4:49
I'm lucky that I've been immersed in the world of mental health for essentially my whole life. But I see these things on Instagram and Twitter specifically, or even just like articles that are not scientifically accurate or peer reviewed. Just these opinions and these platitudes and these kind of supposedly helpful things. Like, for example, one that's been really bugging me as I see it all the time and I don't know why it's anxious
Tamara Mays
@TheTamachan · 2:08
Watching people make these wide generalities that are harmful, it's harmful to their various communities and then people want to argue about it. And I feel like it all starts with respect and coming together in a place that's safe and that is free of misinformation. And I have no idea where to go with that. I gave a couple of examples earlier in the thread, but I wanted to thank you for your response. Thank you so much
I don't think that it's a wise thing to just look at a person and be like, oh, they must be very wounded from their childhood or something. I think if a person wants to be good, they'll be good, and if they want to be bad, they'll be bad. Yeah, I think psychology has really progressed during the years until now. It's still progressing, and it's a good thing to know and good information, by the way. Thank you
Jack .
@zejacques · 1:44
Hey, everyone in Thetamachan. I just took the time this morning to catch up on this swell since I last spoke on it, and it's been really interesting. I appreciate everyone's takes tarmachana, I appreciate you bringing the focus back to the question at hand, the initial question. And I also really enjoyed I can't remember who, but someone was talking about listening. And sometimes people just need an ear to listen to, and I relate to that. I am a fixer helper doer