How to redefine "what it is to be a man"?
To me, to perpetuate, providing and protecting for a woman or one's partner is detrimental to the person that they're protecting and detrimental to society. So then I keep thinking that then we have to shift it. If it's partially biology, we have to shift it to something else. But then the question is, what? Because as I understand it, there is a crisis happening for men of how to see themselves. Not if, but because these things are changing
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:51
And as far as a need to protect women, that's interesting in its own right. I mean, I man see where that comes from, where men are biologically stronger physiologically, anyway. Sorry. So maybe that could stem from this need to protect. But in today's climate, I really wonder where does the physical strength really matter or apply with today's issues concerning manhood and womanhood, to be honest with you. So it's very complicated
Jordan Tepper
@JordanTepper · 4:17
And because they have to be thinking about like, this is the way that a man should be, because they were taught that way and yeah, and I think that it's someone from an older generation that says, like, be a man. I remember watching Follow That Bird. Remember the Sesame Street movie? One of the somebody started crying in the movie and police officer said to the guy, Be a man. And he was crying, saying, I don't want to be a man
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
And I think that there's still this unspoken man code out there that you're allowed to speak about things, but it's only these things that won't potentially trigger you to be shamed by other men. And there's this need for men to really be seen as the ideal man in American culture and not want to step out outside of that. And I think that might have a lot to do with why you don't hear more men coming out and addressing
Anthony Johnson
@iambaresouls · 5:00
And then you do different versions of compare and contrast and you get a chance to see how society and how the world accepts or rejects certain people, at which point you start to define your own sense of self. Right? I think that it's definitely a scary process. So I don't know that a person does this. I don't think a man just randomly does this because it's kind of like what would be the purpose? Right?
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 3:29
So in the black community, there tends to be hyper masculinity within which how manhood can be depicted, at least in terms of media. It can get disgusting at times. There was this YouTube video that asked a question to the selected panel. Would they prefer men to be depicted, black men to be depicted as thugs and gangsters and pimps or wearing a dress, and they emphatically said thugs instead
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:34
And I hope more men are able to kind of deconstruct some of that for themselves and lose some of that fear of what others are going to going to perceive them to be if they do become emotional, if they do share their feelings, because they have them, they definitely have them buried. But they have them. So I think this is a beautiful top and I'm so glad that you put it out there. So thank you
Because if a boy young man is brought up in an environment where it's not even a question to doubt or question the notions around what it is to be a man, then there's no impetus to search out other options or other perspectives or even question any of it. And then if you do and you start to hear all of these different perspectives, well, some of them can be unhealthy for the individual, let alone unhealthy for the other relationships with other humans
How do you challenge something that's so massive and so intrinsic to the environment? Whether we're talking family or culturally, regionally or what have you or any of these things? Yeah. And I agree with you. I don't know how much of some of these things are really gender specific with respect to emotions or being analytical, because I've certainly met my fair share of the opposite of the stereotypes or expectations. Right. Plenty of analytical women and plenty of emotional men
And I was like every human on the planet has connections of one kind or another to other humans. Why is this something to put on your profile? But at the time it was very much about the women, right?
I have nothing to add. I loved everything about this. Seeking or being pushed, the different options for what manhood could look like. And then do you or don't you look at these things or attempt to compare and contrast? Just all of it? Just all of it. Thank you
That you can't really heal from toxic or from trauma, rather, if you're still in that traumatic environment. How can I even expect or hope for men to be able to challenge some of these things if they're still very much immersed in these other connections, these other relationships, these environments that are still telling them this is what it is and isn't to be a man. It is very complex and very big
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:08
I think what you mentioned about being still within the trauma. So how do they heal? Right? I I think that's why the change is so slow, to be honest, is because it's not like they can be pulled out of when it's all around them and it's horrible. And I've even had some men tell me that women will shame them if they cry or if they show emotion and that's the programming being carried on through women as well
Are we championing, man to the point where a man feels comfortable? Mike yo, everybody's got my back. I can be myself, or I can cry in front of these people, because I know they love me. I know they looking out. They telling me how proud they are of me. Are we championing men like that? Because that might be might might help the process along a little bit. You know what I mean?
Toxic masculinity is abuse. It's degrading people. It's thinking that you're better than somebody else. It's because you're bigger. You take advantage of that. It's hitting your wife. That's what toxic masculinity is. But masculinity, it the form of trying to help, trying to show up, trying to mike, yo, we need to go down there and help these people because that flood just knocked it all out the box, you know what I mean?
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:44
It's going to take time because society doesn't all jump on to what's right. They tend to lag back and hang on to s*** that their parents parents parents parents parents taught them, even though times have f****** changed and it's time to change those ideas. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think you were taught programmed, yes, absolutely programmed that a man does not cry
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:37
And that's what we're talking about without feeling like you're less of a man, because you're not. And society has to change the way that they view that. And these females that don't know how to act and are going to laugh at somebody that expresses their emotions need to learn, but it's going to take time. And that's more, I think, what we're talking about. But that's you being a good man
But what I was attempting to talk about was society's ideas. And depending on what level of zoom we look at where these stories are coming from, to tell a man that what it is to be a man is not woman. Do not cry like a girl, do not hit like a girl, do not run like a girl, don't be weak like a girl is essentially setting up a dynamic
But on the whole, if it was safe emotionally, mentally, physically, for men to express those emotions, that would be amazing, right? And ultimately, I want that freedom for everyone, regardless of gender. We have our own chains that lock us in, and I wish they would be broken
One last thought. I was just thinking that as we women continue to redefine what it is to be a woman, that in itself is challenging how men see themselves. Right? If if part of the societal stories and messages are don't be like women, if that definition is changing, then it automatically challenges the definition of what it is to be a man. Right. And again, then you can end up being afloat. Or how does that work?
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 0:32
I agree with absolutely every everything that you said and except for where you said, you may not be the right person to deliver this message, because you are. And anybody that voices concern for other people and what they are going through based on societal standards or their inability to be who they are is an advocate for change. And you're doing it well. You're doing it lovely. And thank you so much for putting this out here, because you are so correct. So, so correct