I have no problem saying things like I love you, I have no issues like if she doesn't text me or call me, I don't generally worry about it that much. She is the complete opposite. She's actually an anxious avoidant attachment style which is really rare because you can be an anxious attachment style, you can be an avoidant attachment style and she is anxious avoidant which is really challenging and brings up a lot of issues
Joe Staton
@Staton_The_Fact · 1:09
I want to talk about the good stuff. I've just found myself in a position recently where I just don't really have anyone to talk to about the things that I'm sort of struggling with and I'm just always appreciative of any insight and I'd love to hear if anyone has any similar experiences with all this stuff. So, yeah, drop me a reply and get a conversation going and maybe I can get some insight and perspective on some things. Thank you, friends
Mark Brooks
@markbrooks · 2:54
And just rather than focusing on the areas where you've got differences, you do your thing, you be you. At the end of the day, the very best place to come at any relationship is being okay with you. That's the biggest lesson I learned in the build up to being a good data and being someone who was ready to get married was I'm okay with me
Mtwadamela Ijogo
@Mtwadamela · 4:42
Because if I like you, that means I can be around you and I can stand to be around you when we're not having sex, just to be plain about it. And that means we're friends. That means we can go long term. But if I only love you and I really don't like you because we really don't have nothing in common and we really don't share no interest and we really don't blah, blah, blah, then that's only good for sex
The relationship is not a destination, but it's a description of what is ongoing when two or more come together. And with that being said, our first inquiry and concern would be whatever you expect from the world or from another, are you giving it or doing it for yourself first? That is key for any relationship
Joe Staton
@Staton_The_Fact · 4:22
And all that you're saying about compatibility, I mean, that's completely true. My girlfriend is also an actor. She also has the same passions as I do, but she has severe anxiety. And I don't have anxiety. I don't dwell on things. She dwells on things a lot. And she's told me before that she struggles with the idea of watching movies because she starts to criticize herself like, why am I not doing this? How have I not been this successful yet?
Mtwadamela Ijogo
@Mtwadamela · 4:18
I don't want to have to shut everything off just because no, h*** no, we're going to compromise. There's two people in here I shouldn't have to shut all the way down because you want some sleep. You should be able to go take your a** to sleep without me having to be there with you? No. Me personally, I have experienced that, and that's a no go with me. I'm not doing it. So that I understand
Benedict Garrett
@Bendi_G · 4:30
I mean, I haven't heard those before, so it's interesting you clarifying those and putting some terminology on it, but it almost sounded like a contradiction in terms of definition for your girlfriend. But I understand how that's possible. But yes, interesting position for you to be in and a very difficult one for you to be in
Benedict Garrett
@Bendi_G · 4:54
It's not like you're going to come on here and necessarily do as well. But why? I love my girlfriend. .1 I love her because of this. .2 because of that. You could do. You could do. But I'm sure you're not going to get necessarily the same response and feedback from people as you are now, from people who are keen to help you and keen to want to help solve the quote unquote problems in your relationship
Joe Staton
@Staton_The_Fact · 4:52
And I don't know if that's a lot to ask, but I guess I feel a little imbalanced sometimes in terms of that. I hope that made sense. I'm trying to be coherent, but relationships are super complicated. And thank you so much for your post. I would love to chat more with you. Thank you. Bye
Joe Staton
@Staton_The_Fact · 4:34
And lately I've been wondering whether a life with her would make me happy because on one hand, I'm thinking about all the things that I would lose if we ever separated, and a lot of those things make me very happy. On the other hand, I'm also thinking about a lot of things that I have already lost by being with her or that I risk losing more by being with her. And that's just a struggle to come to terms with
Joe Staton
@Staton_The_Fact · 4:45
But when I'm by myself, my mind is just super active, I guess, because I can actually talk to her when we're in bed together and stuff, and we both fall asleep together. But by myself, I just couldn't do it
100 with you right now and really transparent from the perspective of a guy right. Does this woman make me feel that I have to put up with these things? And nine times out of ten, you eventually figure it out for yourself, like we have. It's not worth it. This thing should be a fluid, mutual exchange. You really shouldn't be in a relationship where you have to sacrifice so much just so the other can have a life with you
Joe Staton
@Staton_The_Fact · 5:00
There are actually four attachment styles and you can take quizzes and part of the book is you take a quiz for your attachment style and then you answer the same questions about your partner and it gives you their attachment style as well. And we've discovered that I am a secure attachment style. Secure. I'm going to read their definitions for you because it's just easier that way. Secure attachment style refers to the ability to form secure, loving relationship issues with others
Joe Staton
@Staton_The_Fact · 3:27
We watch movies in the past, before, after, I basically have begged her to. And the funny thing is, whenever we sit down and watch a movie, I think the last time we did that was probably before Christmas. Was probably before Christmas. Oh my goodness. But whenever we do, we always have a really good time
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Benedict Garrett
@Bendi_G · 4:47
Sometimes some people argue it too easy going. In fact, that was sometimes a bit of criticism by my partner that she felt that I didn't care enough, but that was just my being very chilled out. Anyway, relationships are never perfect, as you are discovering, and you probably already knew. And it certainly sounds like your partner is a lovely, intelligent, creative, wonderful person. And you certainly share a lot in common and you both seem like a very interesting couple