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Spotlight: One Bus Ride in China - Two Lives Changed Forever

article image placeholderDavid Bolinsky and Shuangyi Li – Our Lives So Far | David Bolinsky & Shuangyi Li | TEDxVitosha
We're really interested in stories, especially ones that really help us expand our minds about what's possible in the world. I guess for both of you, I would just like, sort of the moment. I wanted you to take us back to the moment, and I know I'm going to link the Ted talk here so people will really be able to drop into that

https://youtu.be/rjz7mU9OVrY David Bolinsky and Shuangyi Li share their story to help us know we are never Strangers for too long #TEDspeaker #DBPconv

@Shuangyi
Shuangyi Li
@Shuangyi · 2:35

I over reacted with "small talk" but it got me out of trouble nevertheless.

But one thing that stood out to me was that most of American presenters or guests at the time had a Chinese translator, but he was sitting alone by himself and I saw the chance and I took it. I sat next to him and pretended that I belonged on the bus and we started asking each other questions, but I was a little busy
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David Bolinsky
@Emersionist · 4:08

Serendipity on a bus

And I found out through our conversations not only that she had taught herself English, she actually even used the endow a bit in our conversation. Now, whether that was conscious or unconscious, I don't know. Maybe it was for effect, but it worked and had an incredible conversation with her, found out that her name wasn't Shirley, which was the Chinese students always had an American sounding name so that there wouldn't be any embarrassment in pronunciation
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What were you thinking .. @Shuangyi 🍿

That's how he was struck. And that's the action step he took after the meeting. Were you aware that he was going to do that at that moment? I did you know that he had grown with such conviction over the period of time you spoke, and while he was thinking so clearly about that, what were you thinking
@Shuangyi
Shuangyi Li
@Shuangyi · 1:36

David was not normal

He was taking my secrets to the grave literally in my thoughts. And that's why I was being Truthful with him. And there was a chance for me to be myself for once when I had to live with much pretense. So no, I didn't expect to hear from him again. Or rather, maybe I expect to say, oh, him saying back to me, Hi. I checked in with my wife and it wasn't no go. Yeah, that would be normal
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David - what’s your philosophy?

And you were right to sort of protect your heart and say, Well, that was a conversation. Let's see what happens. But, David, what life philosophy do you have that you still move through life this way? And for everyone listening here, I think it's important to say that we don't usually do such big things in our lives as you did to help this beautiful new person that you have met. What's your gestalt
@Emersionist
David Bolinsky
@Emersionist · 4:22

Jumping off a cliff and growing wings to not go splat!

Like when I was at Yale, I wanted the Department of the medical school to invest in computers, so that my medical illustrations, which were done at the time using pen and ink, a steel Quill pen dipped in ink and drawn on film so that I could switch from that to computers. And that was a very difficult slog because the folks at Yale weren't interested
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Living out loud versus hiding in the shadows

I really hope what you just said is infectious in the best sense. By the way, those words infection contagion it's that you can't use them metaphorically anymore. It seems like bad taste, but I love the idea of knowing in your heart heart that you had to do something. I think both of you could speak to this next question in different ways. If you look at the Ted talk that I posted here, you learn about a moment in each other's history
@Shuangyi
Shuangyi Li
@Shuangyi · 2:10

Details are the harbinger of truth.

I would say that living out loud, as you put it, was it was a difficult concept to me and is still a difficult concept right now. I am still very much a very private person, even though God knows why I'm writing a memoir. But one thing that doing other shoot was easy for me because I was doing something that seemed traditional and acceptable to society for a woman, and it didn't really matter what my backstory was. It was just a pretty face
@Emersionist
David Bolinsky
@Emersionist · 4:59

Cover girl

He said, Send me some pictures if she passes muster with the fashion police. You can use her. I did. And she did. And I used a photographer that Shuangyi and I knew named as a Math hat who does a lot of photography for conferences like Ted and Eg and other conferences. He's an amazing, amazing photographer and a friend. And so I called him up, and it was really amazing. He was really busy
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Taking a moment of detail and intimacy

I know it's a kind of a crazy indulgence for some people, but for you, it feels like it's part of your story, which is to document all the nuances of this experience, not just the milestones, but the moments in which you probably have to find words for things that are enormous
@Shuangyi
Shuangyi Li
@Shuangyi · 3:14

Oy vey!

Nevertheless, women in China have kind of the same amount of freedom as women in America, despite the fact that we're a Democratic country here right now, my work involves trying to help female entrepreneurs secure funding, and I'm going against particularly in business. I'm going against blatant sexism every single day, and I feel very angry on a regular level
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David Bolinsky
@Emersionist · 5:00

Can I call you dad?

Between both of my boys and how do I plan for her future? How do I plan to protect her? How do I plan to use whatever resources that I've got in order to make it work
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@Shuangyi your present your future

But in her particular perspective, the Chinese woman in America not feeling all the freedoms and all the equity that she would like to see and the disparities between what is decided upon as ideas for America versus what is legislated and enforced. And it's a time in our society right now when we're all talking about this and Swanky, I have a question for you because we know a lot about what David's doing in his life in terms of his original location as an medical animator
@Shuangyi
Shuangyi Li
@Shuangyi · 5:00

Money and women (part 1)

Women die in venture, they will never get hurt because they will venture. People ask, you ask specifically, women, what is your intention when it comes to marriage? What is your intention when it comes to kids? If you want to get married or want to have kids, all of these things, which does not demonstrate their ability to run their companies and their ID years affects funding. And even for women in business who did get funding, they get significantly less
@Shuangyi
Shuangyi Li
@Shuangyi · 1:00

(Part 2)

And as someone individuals really don't have a lot of power, no matter who you are. And the intention is that if you can change a very small part of your world, make it better, then you're really lucky that you were able to do that. Bye
@Shuangyi
Shuangyi Li
@Shuangyi · 1:35

To write and to be free.

And writing this memoir will be a way of shedding and taking on a new path, a new identity, and also just come out and take a chance and say, hey, you can ask me to drive you to somewhere else and treat me like a Secretary when I am not your Secretary. But thank God I no longer work for you. I'm going to do something really, actually meaningful for my life
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OPEN TO ALL and thank you both so much. Swell is lucky to have you here ! 🌱

And Shawnee, I think you are in a place right now where if you ever have any kind of writer's block, you might want to put that out there, and we can help you along by maybe you reading a few chapters or a few paragraphs and we could respond
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David Bolinsky
@Emersionist · 4:58

Completeness

Once Shiny settled into her life that she has now, once she settles into the relationships that she has now with people, I really can take that armor off, and I can reassign what I think about. And one of the things that I've reassigned my thoughts toward is Changi's memoir. I'm privileged to be her first reader
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