Haves vs Have-Nots: Married, Partnered, Parents vs Unmarried, Single, Non-parents.
I mean, if you make your bed in the morning or you don't make your bed in the morning, it doesn't make you any worse or better of a person whether your house is clean and spotless or whether it's not or your car. I mean, really. But the ones that frustrate me the most is this I call it the haves versus the have nots. It's those who have gotten married versus those who have not. Those who have a partner versus those who don't
Nidhin George 🔷
@geo_rhymes · 3:33
So I feel like a lot of the times people who are approaching you or approaching your situation in life from a superior point of view so as to say that my life or my situations in life are better or morally more upright than yours. I think what they are inherently trying to do is justify to themselves that yes, what I did is right
I completely agree. When I am not ranting or lamenting, this is exactly how I make sense of this. I don't see this changing at any point because we are fallible, flawed beings, and this just is what is
Nidhin George 🔷
@geo_rhymes · 1:46
Yeah, exactly right. We are flawed, and perhaps that is what makes us perfect in our own ways. But again, I do understand the frustration that we face, or you can face when there is another person who wants to consciously knowingly put you down and make you feel bad about yourself and your situations in life. And this is where allow me to share a small analogy. Here a small example. I think it might help you. I know it's definitely helped me
This only makes their lives all the worse, right? Because they're already beating themselves up that they haven't found the one, that the one hasn't chosen them yet, that they haven't been able to get pregnant or they haven't found the right partner to get pregnant with or whatever it is. And then for someone to heap on top of them some devaluing notion we would be better off if we could each celebrate the different choices we've each made
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:42
I literally sat with one last week for three and a half hours to the point that I had to uncomfortably cut her off where she was lamenting about the state of her marriage and how she was being treated. But guess what? Surface level, she's married, right? She has the ring on the left hand, she has the husband in the home, right?
Carly D
@Astroality · 4:00
Or Why did you choose that person? Why did you choose that career? Have you thought about this long term? It always comes from a very judgmental place. And that is really sad because if we could all get to a space where we just allowed people to enjoy their life, live their life in a way that they see fit without judgment, but maybe rather just curiosity, like, tell me more about that. What is it like to be single at your age?
I have to step back and let them live out their stories, their lives in the way that means the most to them. And like you said, we cheer them on, we're there when they're down and we just support one another to the best of our ability. And so why does it have to be these hierarchies or the binary good, bad and all of that? Intellectually, I get it. My heart doesn't get it. My heart will never get it
But I also wanted to offer to anybody else who felt, well, she doesn't invite me. I don't invite anyone. If I do invite someone, it is a rare thing once every, I don't know, X number of months. So I just wanted to put that out there
Nidhin George 🔷
@geo_rhymes · 1:45
Um oh, right. I see what you mean. My bad. I may have misunderstood the earlier reply. So you're coming from a point of empathy towards those being discriminated against and yeah, that makes sense. And you know what interestingly? You I realized when I heard this that this is perhaps a situation that's prevalent all around the world. I face the same thing here in India as well
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:51
But it seems like when you're single, your life doesn't hold as much value to people. It's like suddenly it's just you really nothing we can talk to you about. And in some ways, I understand, okay. They can't relate to where I am in life anymore. They're no longer single. They've been married a long time. They have children. So we are in two different worlds. I get that
And I have a friend in Australia and she'll talk about these things there. It's interesting to see how some of these carry over. I'd like to think that there were the final generations that are seeing these things. But maybe it's my frame of mind at the moment. I'm not overly optimistic because we tell stories as humans, right? It's how we make sense of the world. And sometimes those stories are clenched tightly in a fist for some and not for others
Or if we ever able to see what they're feeling like, how much would this change the way that we treat other people? Because it gives me a way of somehow coping and making sense of the hurt that humans inflict on other humans. The funny thing is it's not like the people who are the haves haven't experienced some of this. Do you know what I mean? It's like they forget though it makes me curious
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 2:39
You had a spouse, and he passed away. Can't help that. The second tier is a divorced mom because you were married and you tried your best and it didn't work out, but at least you were married. So now you're a single mom. Okay, we get it. But God forbid, if you were a single mom who was never married, you are lowest on the pole. You are trash
That's exactly what I was doing as I was listening. Yes, I agree. The hierarchies I don't understand, or even you're not a real fill in the blank, christian, Republican, Democrat, atheist, whatever. The thing is, you're not a real one who's the arbiter of what is right and wrong and best and worst and really, like, if we're talking back, zoomed in on the church
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:54
It was always, you'll change your mind, you'll change your mind, right? And that was cultural influence. It was religious influence, it was parental influence. It was all these things, right? And then lo and behold, I found myself in the shoes of being a single mother. The very thing that I did not want for myself ended up becoming my reality
Andrea Potvin
@GoodEnough · 3:32
I have quite a few single friends, I have some married friends, I'm married and sometimes I get left out of being invited places because my mate will not he's not social so he will stay home and I normally go by myself but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't go places without him. I need interaction, I need friends and family situations regardless if I'm married or not. I have two daughters, they are 19 and 25 and they do not date
I wish we didn't repeat the cycle again and again and again and instead could this is, I guess, harkening back to us well, the other day recognize our stories for what they are stories and then somehow be able to embrace the different choices that one makes, the different meanings that we find, the different value and richness in life that we all determine for ourselves and just celebrate one another instead of comparing or judging or discriminating. And you're absolutely right. It can go both ways. Absolutely
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:09
And I ain't trying to sit through a long a** wedding in the heat or in the air conditioner with all these people breathing around me. I just struggle with that. So get me drunk enough. I'll enjoy the reception, though. The whole thing about you have not loved until you had children. I have three
Also, if funerals and memorial services are really for the living as a form of closure, and I don't need that, then why is there an expectation that I or anyone else must go? Just saying. There's also like, weird ideas around holidays, these expectations that you must spend it with family or you must spend it with people. Thanksgiving and Christmas, for example. Why is there that expectation? I mean, I get it
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:34
Look, when I used to go to one before I cut ties with my family, the best part was the food. Because chances are somebody was fighting before it was over, so it was emotionally toxic. You know what I mean? And some of that time it was me. If somebody was being an a****** or what, I just flat rude. Yeah, it never went well
And I guess that this is something that the wait staff is prepared for, at least some of them anyway. And they had homemade baked goods and they just slipped a little package onto the table next to me just with this warm smile. It was really lovely. But since then, like I've now do Indian food on Christmas day, sometimes I order ahead of time if I'm feeling paranoid that they're not going to be open. But usually because the holidays celebrated are slightly differently