Trick or Treat: "Don't lie, but lie this way."

In this particular situation, in this particular way. We're also telling children to put others emotional needs above their own. He asked her, do you like or would you like either of those questions? Rice Krispie treats. And she said, no. But now we're telling her that for the sake of this other person, she should lie to him and not be honest, not be authentically herself, because it's better it's polite to receive it anyway. Ironically, or maybe not

https://s.swell.life/STuKAuCxdMc40an #philosophy #Halloween #ActuallyAutistic #autism

Deborah Pardes
@DBPardesΒ Β·Β 2:27

@SeekingPlumb

I've seen children who have really incredible agency where they express their truth, but not in an obnoxious way, because that also in itself can be a lifelong problem. But I've seen children who really impress me by their it's definitely a sign of parenting, for sure, where they say something like, you know, I don't I don't like that. Thank you so much, though

@DBPardes

Thanks. Deb, I'm glad that you highlighted the parents who are approaching this differently. I love coming across those instances of equipping and empowering their children in ways that prior generations weren't. It's fascinating to me to see know which generations raised their kids in whatever ways they did and then how it impacted those kids and then as those kids become adults than the different decisions that they want to make with their kids and so on, and to sort of see that rolling forward and evolution
Swell Team
@SwellΒ Β·Β 0:15

Welcome to Swell!

Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFiΒ Β·Β 1:23
You. Thank you so much for this. I thought this subject was really interesting. You know, don't lie, but lie this way. I think as parents, we all do that. I was just listening to you and I was questioning myself, saying, did I ever ask my kids to lie politely? And I'm sure I did because I try to be polite and not hurt anybody's feelings or have my children hurt anybody's feelings. But just a quick story

@LadyFi

If it's a blog post, I'm not going to read it, but I'm going to put a like on it because then you'll think somehow about me or I'll follow you if you follow me, or it's all these weird machinations of interactions, right? But they're not necessarily authentic. However, they're the games that are played, and some of those are not necessarily the way that we would really interact with somebody in real life, maybe
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFiΒ Β·Β 1:00

@SeekingPlumb

I love that. I love that explanation that you just gave, because a lot of times we are polite and people pleasing and we don't even like what's going on. But we'll say nothing. Because the old saying, if you can't say nothing, if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all. Also, we are in agreement with stuff. People say something else and they're like, yeah, okay, yeah
J.L. Beasley
@Her_SisuΒ Β·Β 4:50
And I was like, you really want to do that for my birthday? Are you serious? And I remember one person said this to me, actually, with my college boyfriend. I never forgot it. And he said, I don't have a lot of money. We're both in college, really not working, and we're broke. But I have 364 days to prepare for December twelveTH

@Her_Sisu

And on the one hand, yes, I could save money throughout the year, but at the same time, throughout the year, there are also all of these other birthdays and these other events of when gifts are expected. So I can see your parents perspective, but I can also see this other perspective of saving the money and also valuing you. And it doesn't necessarily have to be a big thing, but showing that you are celebrated is so important

@Her_Sisu

Ah, by the way, I love that you put in that boundary with the person saying that if they saw it that way, it's disrespect. That's up to them. But I completely agree. We have to respect ourselves first. And you and I have talked about this. And then coming from a place of abundance with other people. But if we put everybody else first, then we're coming from a place of lack or need