@SeekingPlumb

How do you know if you're putting people off?

article image placeholderDo you put people off?
How do you know when you're putting people off? How do you know when it's something that you need to evaluate and possibly change? Or if it's something the other person needs to evaluate and change about themselves

Then, is it really about you? Or them?

6
@Raretodd
Todd Wiese
@RaretoddΒ Β·Β 1:32

Good question!

I harbored no bad feelings towards this person, and I just thought I was making a joke, but I heard from someone else that that person thought I didn't like her because I made this joke about her being talking too much. And there's been some other episodes where other occasions that I think that I put people off, but I don't know
2
@FryedOreo
Dewuan .
@FryedOreoΒ Β·Β 2:32

I honestly don’t know.

That is the ultimate question, because I want to feel at times that I tried to give people the benefit of the doubt and that I know I can be absent minded and all that sort of stuff, but there are times where I can't really help. Some of this stuff like this is just me. If you have a problem with me as a person, as an individual, I can't really do much for you
4
@SeekingPlumb

😝 @Raretodd @Wuandurful

Well, you two are not very helpful. I'm just kidding. I wish I had answers, too, you know, or them one hand, you want to be authentically yourself and unapologetically yourself. But then, on the other hand, I want to continue to grow and evolve and still being authentic to who I am
7
@FryedOreo
Dewuan .
@FryedOreoΒ Β·Β 4:01
Well, you know, Christina, on one hand, it's hard to predict or understand other people. All right. But then, on the other hand, you could simply talk with them, right. So you can ask them questions, which is very hard for me to do, because it can be very awkward. I actually now have a situation with a friend. I guess I can still call her a friend, even though I don't talk to her like that anymore
3
@Izzy
Izzy S-L
@IzzyΒ Β·Β 4:40
Christina, thank you for asking this question. I think it's really important to talk about. I feel like the fact that you're asking this question is indicative of your good intention, which is really, really important, and we restores faith in humanity where sometimes I lose it. But I can kind of share my personal opinion, which is that. Well, first of all, this question is difficult to answer. I think, because it's so broad
5
@SeekingPlumb

Elaborating. Thoughts? @Izzy (Sorry for all the repetition!)

I really appreciate your comments, Izzy, and I couldn't agree with you more listening to you and the others. Now I'm thinking maybe I should elaborate a little bit. There hasn't been a specific instance. So this is a bit more of a excuse me, of my my cat. Anyway, this is a bit of a more broader question than it is a specific instance. But I've had a few men now tell me that they find me intimidating
2
@Swell
Swell Team
@SwellΒ Β·Β 0:15

Welcome to Swell!

@Izzy
Izzy S-L
@IzzyΒ Β·Β 4:30

@SeekingPlumb a bit long winded here, buuuuut

Okay. So first of all, Christina, I relate to all of this so much. I I've been told almost my entire life by multiple people that they find me intimidating. And as I've grown older, I've been trying to figure out how much of that is because of surface level assumptions that people make about me and then how I might defy them when they actually hear me. And what I mean by that is I walk into a room, people see a Brown woman, Brown woman
@AverageJoe
Average Joe
@AverageJoeΒ Β·Β 4:04
Because there's a lot of people out there, and I don't mean, look, obviously, if we possess character traits that are dysfunctional, right, there's an individual that I've encountered in my life. It was an ex girlfriend of a buddy of mine, and she was just wasn't just me. It was everybody no one could stand when she showed up. Everything about her personality was just the worst. It was just abrasive. There was this condescension for no good reason whatsoever
@SeekingPlumb

Thank you. Empathy, sympathy, I am what I am. @Izzy @AverageJoe

If this doesn't work for them, that's their thing. And that's fine. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. And there is a good portion of me that is very comfortable with that idea. But I think that lately I've been feeling more like I'm an island. I already feel like an odd duck. And then you wonder if you're creating this island scenario and it's unsatisfying and it can be isolating and somewhat lonely and you miss out on those conversations
@SeekingPlumb

Equilibrium & prioritization? @Izzy @AverageJoe

I keep flip flopping on this idea of equilibrium. On the one hand, I'm like, no, that's not the word I really wanted. On the other hand, there is a sort of equilibrium of prioritizing what's most important to us. And maybe if I were to visualize utilize it, it's kind of like juggling or managing spinning plates in each of these different areas. What's most important?
Swell user mugshot
0:000:00