The "double empathy problem".
And so the theory is that maybe there aren't deficiencies with respect to understanding communication and these types of things, but instead it's a lack of empathy or the double empathy problem of being able to understand each other. It's almost like there's this invisible wall between us and we're speaking the same language and yet we're not. And it really explained so much for me in trying to understand the way that I attempt to communicate and understand and how others perceive me
And so then it's not about accommodating autistics, it instead would be because if if you really break this down, I'm going to give you another glimpse a little further into this. If you could walk into a community of autistics as an alistic and just listen, you will hear specifically talking about this communication aspect how much autistics perceive it as accommodating alistics
Patrick Derns
@patasd101 · 1:33
Yes, I miss them, but other than that, I just go on with my life. I find myself in a position now where even though you can't feel what other people are feeling, I almost try to think about what they're feeling, how they're feeling. I'm trying my best to show more empathy, but I still haven't real lives where I should be with it yet
And cognitive is when we're going through the thought process of what is that person experiencing and how is that similar to something I experienced? And oh, and this is how it made me feel. And so this must be similar to how they're experiencing it. And then there's the affective where the mirror neurons can be hypo or hyper reflecting or mirroring what they're experiencing. So if someone's in front of me crying, I'll cry with them. I can't seem to stop it
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:59
I have no real muster in the game outside of that and that I have more appreciation for those on the spectrum. I guess prior to my kids, I never even knew that was a real thing, so it's enlightened me in that aspect. But I guess I'm just not a social activist of autism is what I'm trying to say. I'm just a parent of kids who are on the spectrum and an ally, if that makes any bit of sense
But you've given me some more to think about because I don't know that I would ever say somebody to somebody that they were lacking in empathy and understanding. Me, I was thinking of this on a broad perspective of society's views on autism and autistics. And maybe if there was an understanding that we'd just see and experience the world differently, autism wouldn't be pathologized or nearly as much. There would be more understanding, acceptance and so on. Anyway, again, I am so sorry
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:59
But then when you had mentioned it, I went to check, and I remember even telling my son Muji that he was a neurodivergent, and he was like, oh, okay, yeah, hopefully that helps explain a bit more where I was coming from. But, yeah, these are those responses. I know I'm gonna you know, it's not going to mesh well with the thread, but I had to just speak from where I was coming from was all
Oh, gosh, yes. And no hot seat intended. Oh, my goodness. No, I was thinking not necessarily even from a neurodivergent perspective, but like, from a nalistic perspective of, like, just that side of the double empathy problem. But anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah, you know what it's funny is that they say that with autistics, there can be special interests, right? And things that we hyper focus on
Annalyzed Perspectives
@AnnaT · 5:00
And though he doesn't understand the tears or can empathize with the crying, he understands what sadness is doing to me physically and mentally. To be able to show up as a better partner, that was a lot. But I was just sharing because I am deep in this right now, as we both learn how to communicate in a way that has us understood
Thank you so much for sharing this. I really appreciated it for a few reasons. And the first is first, I just wanted to say I'm hopeful and happy for you, that you both are finding your ways forward and that it seems like you'll find answers and solutions, right? It's not going to be easy, but, um, it's definitely, like you said, work on both sides
Deborah Pardes
@DBPardes · 3:02
I don't know, I think that the double empathy problem has a lot to do with growing into your own relationship to yourself. I think you sort of frame that well and not feel a pain around that, but feel sort of a liberation of what growing up means. And we all could do this, but I think that when I'm magnifying it, watching my great niece, I think it's more of a confidence game
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
So this teacher, she's starting to get upset, right? And I'm like, man, I'm thinking to myself, like, man, just stop it, man. And she just looked so upset and embarrassed. But she understood that he had a disability, and it was starting to get very awkward. So the other teacher butted in, was like, hey, she doesn't feel comfortable talking about it, so let's stop talking about it, move on or whatever
And so I think depending on whose perspective you're looking at, there's a different weight or a different significance placed on the questions or why they're being asked. Like another example, when someone shares about something awful going on in their lives between two holistics, you'll hear the second person say, oh, I'm so sorry that you're going through that