And as much as that scares the s*** out of me, it's something. Now here's the issue. If you go onto one of these dating apps, they give options as for what you're looking for. And if you put casual dating, it seems to instantly mean I am looking for a booty call to somebody to f***
It's hard to say, right? Because this is this is your journey, but from the outside it sounds like you want to be seen, you want to be appreciated, you want to be found attractive and you want to be able to have that playful banter, right? And not necessarily for the purposes that are often attributed to dating, casual dating, relationship, et cetera, et cetera
Somebody's getting up with feelings that all that friend stuff is over. That's a rap. I believe that, from what I hear, and your demeanor and you know what I mean, that you will be great to be around. So jump in. Double Dutch. You're only going to get better with relationships by being in a relationship and you know what I mean? I'm sure you're good to go. That's my two cent. You guys have a good day. Bye
Cameron Fitzgerald
@TheFitz · 2:04
It. Hello, renee, this is pastor cameron, and I heard your call out, and I admire your vulnerability and humility and asking for other people's perspectives on what you're going through now. I don't know the circumstances on why you separated. I don't know any of that story outside of what you spoke. And I guess the main question of am I ready? Stems from what happened in this previous relationship
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:45
And I'm hoping I can see what a normal relationship looks like, because at 45, I should have had one by now. And it is a sad fact that I have not only not seen one through family members and whatever else, I have not had one. So it's going to be interesting. Still don't know if I'm going to do it or not, but I'll sure let y'all know
It's the anticipation of the first time you hold hands, who reaches out first or is kind of like the chase. And then when that's over, and then it's time to start thinking and actually be a couple, then they bounce and go to somebody else and do the same thing again, you know what I mean?
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:44
Like, this b**** is crazy. Right? Even though that wasn't the circumstances, like I said, in two of the circumstances, the issue was forced upon me just due to circumstance. That is my contribution. That's where I messed up. I never should have married those two men. The other two was straight love. All these other bad relationships was straight love. But I'm still working on the fact that I have to tell a potential partner all of this
Sara Jones
@luminouSouL · 4:38
You don't have to be looking for a full blown relationship to date. I think that's the point of dating is to see what's really out there and to see who catches your interest and who doesn't catch your interest and kind of, like, take it slow. I don't know how the sites operate, but I'm sure even after you have a conversation with somebody, whether it's via text or phone call, just let them know. I'm not looking to dive into something
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:44
And since I've moved, has come back over and tried to fix it. And I allowed it a couple of times before I finally said no because I've been in therapy. Not with him, but since him. He didn't want to do marriage counseling when this first started and refused it because they would say he was wrong. I'm going to have to continue this in another one, and I apologize for my long windedness, but here comes part two
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:15
I never thought to sit and write down a list of what is important. It to me as far as values and who someone really is morally. I never even thought to do that. And that might be second nature for someone that grows up in a healthy household, but I just knew I wanted love. I had no idea how people found good partners or made the decisions that they did, because I didn't have the advantage of even having the slightest clue of an example
Cameron Fitzgerald
@TheFitz · 3:19
You, Renee. I hurt listening to your story and at the same time, it reminds me of, sadly, quite a few that I've had to be there for and understand and help and instead of going and replying to every little thing, I just want to go and say as a general jones. So first of all, all, everything goes and sounds and makes sense in our minds
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:40
Don't always pigeonhole yourself into the fact that Mike, oh, I don't go out much. So it's going to have to be a dating app. If you don't go out much right now, then start getting out. Even small things. Find a new coffee shop, visit a new store that you don't normally go to. Give yourself the opportunity to be put into that frequency, and it will come
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:53
So just know that you are the one in demand on the app. But with that demand, the supply can be less than desirable at times. But I would recommend bumble and hinge. Facebook dating. You said you were on there and you didn't like the experience. Maybe from these talks you can have a better understanding of what experience to expect. But, yeah, the sex thing is just something you have to deal with. They're men. They're online
Pasju Kubert
@PasjuRelatively · 4:22
And know that one of the things that I hear people say around me a lot now is that oh, they're all in their fields. And it's very interesting that the idea that experiencing your emotional body has become sort of a noun, your feels like it's a thing, it's a dynamic energy and exchange and that's a really beautiful, important fact that needs to be there
Pasju Kubert
@PasjuRelatively · 5:00
As a bug with rosy cheeks and everything. But if they choose to stay naive and not learn from you as the older person, you know what? Then it becomes ignorance. And ignorance ain't so cute. So make sure that if they're younger, they're willing to be curious and that they have energy and they want to progress and evolve, and that's it. Make sure that that naive hay is not ignorance. You know what? Being the red flag, seeing the red flag
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:25
Because when no one else was there, I can honestly say that he was in my face every day, several times a day, obviously showing up in ways that I could not ignore. And it was to show me that he is my father. So that relationship I have, I 150% have. Because I know that no matter what, that unconditional love, he has given it to me because he showed up. He refused. He refused to do what I was begging him to do
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:13
But it's going to be slow going. I'm talking snail pace. Snail pace. Because I have to learn to trust me, too. My judgment, because it's been off. But if if that guy is hanging in there in the hopes of well, then, h***, he might be worth it, you know? H***, I'm just in it for the ride. I don't know. I don't know. But I appreciate you so much
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:04
So it literally sounds like you have all the things in your relationship that I had hoped my previous ones would be. Right. I think I'm going to do it, though. I think I'm going to put myself out there. I'm still scared because when I've done this before, it was literally I would do it. Mike I i was on a dating app for three weeks, and then I shut that s*** down
I totally get it. I think the difficulty is, like a lot of the stories that culture in North America, family, society, et cetera, has said of what it is to be a man, what it is to be a woman, and then what? These relationships are supposed to look like, et cetera, have had a long period of time where they stayed somewhat the same for a while. And now things are changing. Women don't need a man to provide and protect for them
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:27
So you already know I do whenever I can go out with the girls from work, after work, when I do go into the office, because most of the time I'm at home, but otherwise I get everything delivered. So maybe you're right and maybe I should stop doing that and put myself in the position to at least be out in the public because when I say I don't, I mean, honey, I don't, like at all. But I'm going to change that
Cameron Fitzgerald
@TheFitz · 2:17
You, Renee. Praise God. I'm thankful to Him for that testimony that you just gave. And there's really just a last couple of bits of encouragement that I have for you. One of the things that happens when you do receive Jesus is not only you receive his sacrifice, which then frees you from the penalty, the power, and the double minded, sin conscious prison of sin. You're free from those
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:03
And my son, if you can believe this, recommended Tinder. And I was like, no, I cannot even believe that's coming out of your face. And he said, It's not so much that anymore, but apparently all these other apps are now, from what I'm hearing, swiping apps, which makes me feel yucky inside in one perspective. In the other perspective, it's like when it wasn't a swiping app, it was that you were so overwhelmed with messages
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:42
So one of the ways that you can attract more financial abundance right away is by getting rid of getting rid of things and purging things out of your home. When you give to someone else, you are in effect, giving to the universe, and the universe will replace that tenfold. I hope that helps. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to reach out
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:50
And just like you would want to know and you would want someone to be forthcoming with you, you would definitely want to be forthcoming with them. If you are actively seeking divorce. Or is it a finance thing? Like, yes, I want to be divorced from this man. And financially, this is where I'm at right now. Okay, and financially, if that's where you're at right now, then what are you going to do about it as an adult?
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:29
Like, I don't even know how real love happens. I guess I know what I feel and I know that I continue to give my love throughout and and serve. And I serve the relationship, so maybe too much. But I just want to say I love your philosophy. I'm trying to fit this into this. Five minutes. Woo. It's hard. I love your philosophy on life. I love everything that you say and I so wish you live next door
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:42
And I want to be transparent with you about that so that you can decide if you still want to date me and then you can go from there. And let's be clear when I say non monogamous, I'm just speaking in terms of dating more than one person. But if you want to f*** all of them. F*** all of them. It's no one's business. Who cares?
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:58
The other part is our thoughts create our reality. And so if we say, oh, I am having a horrible time dating, it's hard to find someone out there. There's pee in the dating pool. All of the negative things that people tend to put in there. Guess what you're going to attract. Guess what the universe is going to provide for you. Same concept I said in part two. The universe is going to provide for you the pee in the dating pool
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:28
I'm going to try like h*** to avoid it unless I find some I mean, he'd have to be hot, hot and somebody that seems to have intelligent conversation, an old soul, so to speak. So there's that. Ah. Makes me nauseous. I get nauseous and excited at the same time. But I guess we'll see. You don't even know, like, in my gut and in my head and what what is going on right now
Pasju Kubert
@PasjuRelatively · 4:11
And do I open myself up to the love bombing? And am I a d*** if I suspect the love bombing? Because then don't I have expectations that I am trying not to have? And it's a head f***. And I think that's the thing about a love bomb is how invested one becomes intellectually. How much of the emotion of love do you let into your life and let pass through that wall so that you are getting through osmosis this sense of love
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:52
On the journey. What you will be faced with is dating teaches you about you all of the things that it's so freaking easy to say that we are free from, delivered from, healed from, progressed through, evolved beyond, blah, blah, blah, blah. The moment that you connect with someone that you are interested in, all of that s*** comes back. And it's as if your spirit guide the universe
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:27
So I know I know that that's what matters. And I shouldn't let my emotions and fears rule me, but I am very emotional. I'm a very emotion based person, so that's going to be a personality thing that's hard to challenge. Thank. God loves me the way that I am because, man, he has some patience and he understands, and, oh, I love that
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:09
I'm going to start saying to the universe what I intend will go out to the park and walk more. I will not try to meet anyone in my neighborhood. I know you're not aware of this, but I currently live in a trailer park. And I'm not saying anything bad because there are people just like me here, but I strictly stick to myself
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:49
So I finally told him a month ago, he needs to give me some space. He needs to get gone for a bit. Quit showing up, quit calling, quit texting. So we'll see how long that lasts. But I'm surprised it's lasted this long. But I'm just in no rush because why I would only need the divorce if I had plans to jump into another marriage and that is just not in my Carly. So there's that. I will be honest about that
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:14
Okay. So I like the way you broke it down, because in looking at what I want oh, you're making it easier. Thank you. I think what I want is non monogamous dating. Nonsexual at first, unless it grows into that with with but still being open to seeing what's out there and figuring out what fits me best. Right. So it's not that I'm closed off to a relationship, but I want a slow start. And I'm not meeting anybody's kids
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:49
So I hope the next is healthy because my unhealthy almost got me killed as well. And I can legit say that. Legit, legit more than once. Different people. How f***** up is that? So I want to see a healthy relationship. I want to see what it is. What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it feel like? That is so f***** up. But what does it feel like?
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:30
If this is the primary situation and if you want to enjoy yourself at secondary or tertiary or whatever, you a** down over there in that corner and wait your turn. So that's our thing. So it works for us. But you got to find out what works for you in terms of how transparent you are about the stage of dating and where you are in terms of dating in a non monogamous way. When it gets to that point
Cameron Fitzgerald
@TheFitz · 3:02
But the idea that somehow changes what the reality of living in Christ is, it's not a thing. It's a choice. It is a choice at its base. So you can go and live in emotion and be ruled by it and have that be Lord, or you can let God be Lord. And one of the things that I instruct people to go and do, we're struggling with this is in time with God, intentional time with Him. I call it secret place
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:44
I know that I was strong enough to reject the dysfunction and to know that there's so much better. I just don't know what it looks like. Deep conversations. You and I, you and I could talk for days. I'm just saying
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:38
Thank you. Okay, so there's research on those butterflies you're referencing. And so this is why it's important to focus on compatibility. One, knowing who you are, what you are, what you want, what you stand for, and measuring everyone intimate and non intimate relationships up against that. So that way, if it meets it, you can continue, build and grow with that person
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:29
You're you literally just spoke my fear aloud. That whole getting sucked into something and being tested on my ability to not hold hold on to any love because because I want the love so bad. Um, because in my experiences, I've been shown the best of the best for up to four years before s*** went sour
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:41
And so what you have to get to is not just loving the idea of love or being in a relationship, but who are you loving and being loved by and who are you in a relationship with? Because we can love anyone, right? And we can be in a relationship with anyone. But are they the best person for us? Are they compatible? And is the compatibility mutual? That's what's important. So no
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:13
I think I've definitely had those butterflies that you speak of, but the ones I'm talking about are the ones that you get when you're excited to be around them and you're just like I don't know, it's like you're pulling from their energy and do you still have those butterflies? And I know in especially long term relationship that s*** comes and goes
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 0:57
Right. You're right. You're absolutely right. That was old me talking. Because were there signs that it would go violent? Not necessarily. Were there red flags? Yes. That I completely ignored? F*** yes. Yes. And I appreciate the call out on it. I don't I don't reject that in any form or fashion. And you are absolutely correct
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:02
There's a man specifically that I desire, not just any man, but this man that I specifically desire that is making plans for me. And so, yes, that still exists and it's still there, but it's not from a space of oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Am I going to see him?
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 0:44
It sounds peaceful, but it also sounds safe. And I am down for some of that girl overall, this bullshit. Thank you for everything you have said and for taking the time to share your thoughts, because it does help. It does. I'm going to do it. I'm going to let you all know how that goes, if it goes, when it goes. Thank goodness for this platform because the support system that most people have, I don't
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 2:21
But yeah, you just put some pictures up, have a bio description, doesn't have to be your whole life story. It can be witty and charming, you can even be a bit poetic, whatever it may be, and you will start to see the results unfurl. Yeah, hopefully that helps. And the overwhelmingness of it all, I think you will quickly realize it's not that bad
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:04
It's. Thank you so much for your advice and your knowledge, because, yeah, I'm a fish out of the f****** water. But I did earlier download them, and you know what my son said, the same one that recommended Tinder said that Bumble is a f*** me app. What the f***?
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 2:07
Yeah, you'll see. Let us know about it. Let us know about your experiences with the platforms. I actually, right now, am waiting for a lady to talk to me after we have matched. And the way it's looking, it's probably not going to happen. Which is fine. It's fine. She didn't have to match with me, but it is what it is. So, yeah, let us know how that experience went
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:09
So I'm in there. I'm in there, I'm in there and it's not as overwhelming as I thought it was going to be. Because of that, I have to message first, which is kind of awkward, a little bit weird because I'm old school. But I already started a conversation with two people. I'm moving very slowly through the app, but them and I've already been propositioned for a hookup once so I don't think it's a hookup app
Kritika Harshank
@DrK91 · 3:19
When somebody's else's feelings are involved. When another human being who has a beating heart, who has a brain, who is there existing, they will have complications, and you will have complications too. So I don't know if you are ready to date or not, but I think wherever you are, you are in a very, very amazing place mentally, you are there