Now, my sister had the same experience as I did, and she still struggles quite a lot with the ramifications of what happened to us. She does not forgive. I struggled with the concept of forgiveness. I gave it power by allowing it to be something that helped me to help others. But when it came to actually forgiving, I struggled. I struggled especially with my father. And this was at the point that he was on his deathbed
Alyce Woo
@Z_journey · 3:59
I'm still working on it. I am still letting it go. I am using, just like you, my experiences to help others. And that also helps me heal. But still to this day, if you were to ask me if I forgave this man, this family, I can't truly tell you, oh, yeah, I did. Because to truly forgive something is to let it go. And something like this is just so hard to let go because it's so traumatic
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:09
Hi there, Alice. I'm hoping I'm saying that right. I appreciate you responding to my first podcast. I appreciate you sharing. I know how hard that can be sometimes and I am so happy to hear that you have found solace in the fact that in sharing your story you can help people. And it does help. Forgiveness is hard. That doesn't mean the memories are gone. It doesn't mean you forget. It just means that you don't let it binds you anymore
J Stout
@DarkMoonMusings · 1:35
I mean, if you reach that point with me to where you've broken my trust, you've done something or encouraged something or whatever it may be, and I don't trust you anymore. You've totally broken that with me. I don't hate you. I wouldn't give you the power over me of hating you. I just don't really think about you anymore. It's like, I know what happened. I don't forget what happened
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:13
And we were actually taught that whether family is right or wrong, you stand with your family, you protect your family, you stand wrong with them, and then you all can hash out who's right and who's wrong later, but that's your family. Now, those rules applied or were actually repeated to us growing up. I have two sisters, and unfortunately, those rules did not apply to me when I got older and started calling out the dysfunction
J Stout
@DarkMoonMusings · 3:54
And I'm glad because my children had a chance to get to know their grandparents, and I actually really treasure that. And I treasure some of the time I spent with them, especially my mother. But forgiving them, I don't know that I forgave them, I think I just let it slide because that's what we did. And I've talked to my sisters about this, and they're kind of the same way. We just didn't ever talk about certain things
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:22
And when I spoke out on it, which is part of my healing, they said I was a liar. And it's such a long story, but there were people that witnessed, because when your father gets that drunk, he's going to hit mom if she's at the bar with him or not. But I became a liar. I became the outcast