So I put it on there. The first time just now I had matched with someone, I was just impressed because he was over 25, to be honest, and 25, 21, 27 love me and those I try to avoid as well. But this man matched with me and sent me a message and we're two messages in. It was, I mean, nothing, no big deal when he finally decides to read my profile. Here's the problem, people
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:43
And I have followed him from the moment he stepped up to the plate with politics, because I had seen him prior in a couple of things, so I was already worried. Was I prejudging? No. What you see on TV does not mean that's what is. But now I know what is, and that's my choice. Have you ever had that happen? Have any of you ever been cussed out by someone with a different view that maybe didn't catch it in time?
Anyway, I haven't been on a dating site in at least 13 years, if not longer, so I don't really have much to contribute. And I think, too, I was just listening to some of my audio today and some of my videos and listening to my voice and so on. I don't even know that I recognize myself from two years ago, let alone that long ago. So I probably would have handled it very differently if there was a situation
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:26
I don't need to deal with them. This is what therapy does. This is it. Just realized it that I somehow found that space between stimulus and reaction just now. And I have fought myself over that for so long, but I found my space because, h***, I'm taught to be a defender since I was little. It was my job. I'm the one that I'm the muscle. But I didn't have to do that. I love that
Because sometimes if you leave conversations around, let's just say politics in general to later conversations, well, then you've already invested a lot of time and emotion and so on that could have been avoided if you'd known some of those things ahead of time, particularly if politics are an important part of someone's life, right? And then when you talk about some of these more escalated everything that's happened in politics in recent years, that just makes these things even more maybe imperative to talk about
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 3:13
And yes, that is a common practice. Women will tell you, hey, if you're under five foot eight, please don't message me. There's certain criteria and you got to respect it. I think he had seen it to begin with, right? But I think he was like, well, let's see what's going on with her. Let's see if she really feels that way or maybe she just is trying to be safe. And look, I don't know
Erica Jean
@HeyItsErica · 3:48
But at the same time, who you vote for speaks a lot about who you are, especially when it comes to particular figureheads who are very problematic. A lot of figureheads have issues and problems, and we shouldn't judge them on that. But when you have particular political figures where it's just glaringly obvious that they're Looney Tunes, if you align yourself with Looney Tunes, I'm running away, if that's just what it is. But great job on your part
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:17
And I do I know people that I mean, I have people that support that side of the politics or that person that we just don't talk about it. But had they not already been in my life, then I don't know that they would be. And that's true. I say that. Or if I found out later and was already invested, that's different
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 0:52
You brought up a great point that I want to ask about. So conservatives, you said, aren't generally drawn to you. I cannot count the number of them that have been trying to talk on these apps to me, and and I'm obviously not conservative, but how huge of a difference is that? I mean, for me to be as free spirited and liberal as I am, is that something that I should just automatically be like, whoa, that's not going to work?
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:43
And yes, there are going to be things that we don't judge or shouldn't judge in leaders. But like you said, when it is glaringly obvious that it is a racial, bigoted, just moral and value thing, then anyone that aligns with that is supporting that. And I don't support that so deeply that thank goodness true colors were shown immediately and the red flag was so obvious because I'm learning to look for those too
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:59
Girl, we got this, okay? Anyway, you can search that on YouTube, and there are content creators that do these profile reviews of actual people's dating profiles. And I have gotten a lot of great tips from those. And the basic consensus is, ain't nobody reading them profiles. They really aren't reading the profiles
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:17
If their profile appears as if they just put the basic required information to get their profile to go through, I also swipe left on those because that tells me that's going to be the one that messages you. Or if you swipe right and you guys match and then you guys start messaging back and forth, that's going to be the guy that messages you once, and then he messages you like, ten days later, and then he messages you again another ten days later
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:52
Because if they say some s*** on there that I don't like anyway, they should maybe. Okay. And I don't want to have that conversation about politics on the first date. I don't even like talking about politics most of the time, but I probably want to know that before I go somewhere public with them because look how ugly it can get, right? Let me see the profiles that you avoid. I agree with you. I agree with you
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:47
But did you go through I'm sorry, I'm just totally turning this on you. I need to interview you is what I need to do. But did you go through periods where you were just like totally uncomfortable with it or jealous? Because that can be a natural emotion. And how do you was it brought to you or did you choose it and bring it to someone when you first got into a relationship with them? And how do you approach it when seeking partners now?
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:41
I met him and by date two, he informed me that he was non monogamous. And at the time, just based on where I was at on my healing journey, I was okay with it because for me, I just needed my maslow's hierarchy of need met. You know what I mean? We've talked about this on a different thread that you did. And so that was my focus
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:53
And I found myself after the date reflecting, like, oh, man, I really wanted to talk about this, or I really wanted to do this, but I didn't do it because I was so focused on I wonder, is he going to ask me out for this or when is he going to ask me out for that? Versus just enjoy your time with him right now in this moment. And when I get myself back together with that, our time together is so rich and so full
