@MsColes77
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 4:38

How Soon Is Too Soon to Move On Between Relationships?

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Now, we can heal through a relationship, but should we go into it with that expectation that this next man is going to be the one to fix all the broken areas of my life as it relates to love and romance? Or do we need to do some self work? Are we afraid to do the work? Do we not want to take the effort to do the work? Are we looking for solace in relationships? Is that our comfort zone?

Is there a certain timeframe to wait between relationships? #swellsunday

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@BKFOREMAN69
Brian Foreman
@BKFOREMAN69 · 4:56
Hello. I must admit, you're one of my favorite casters. You ask these really hard questions, and I'm going to say, as someone who, since my divorce in January of 2019, I dare say have been on well over 25, 30 dates, different people, I've only been in two relationships that lasted longer than two weeks. One was four months. One was eight months in those four years. Not in the same year necessarily either
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@Andrea_Speaks
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:59
So you telling me that I'm not doing this, that, and the other okay, but I'm telling you I don't even know who I am, so you got to let me figure me out first before you know what I'm saying. And it was because I lost my dad, and he was the last parent I had living. And so I was trying to figure it out. And so, yeah, we need to take time to heal
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@Swell
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15

Welcome to Swell!

@NeophyteSavant
Moe Johnson
@NeophyteSavant · 2:38

@MsColes77

You. Good morning, Tanya. So the question is, how soon is too soon to move on between relationships? That is a really good question, and it is a very important question, in my opinion. It's case by case, and here's why. Every person is different. Every relationship is different, and the reasons why people brian up are different. Sometimes people break up for reasons in which a period of healing may be necessary, or maybe even therapy
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@DearAuntyAng
Ann-Gela Kaye
@DearAuntyAng · 4:44
I don't know if it's a time thing or if it's definitely a heart and mental thing per person, but I just say you don't have to stay apart forever, or you don't have to stay alone and single forever because the time hasn't passed or how's it going to look. I think we're all doing our own personal thing. You could jump too soon, of course, but I think that's definitely a personal thing
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@ilovelucee
Luce Fonrose
@ilovelucee · 4:20
And so I think that that's people's problems, they're afraid to face themselves, but it's like, you got to do the real work for you to finally be free and be loved on properly. You have to face yourself to be able to give that love back. And so that's how I feel about it. This was great. Again. Thank you
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@Listen2AuntieL
Ledona Hentley
@Listen2AuntieL · 5:00

@ilovelucee @NeophyteSavant @DearAuntyAng

Some of my friends, women that I love and care about, and some brothers, too, I've had to tell them, like, relationships are not painful. Like, you're choosing pain. The relationships that you choose, you go from one person to the next person to the next person. It's like you going over to a table and there's a knife and there's some hand lotion, and you can either use one or two
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@Her_Sisu
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:56
And because of that experience, I now no longer have the mindset that there is a prescribed time period that someone needs to date or not date. My belief now is that people need to do what works for them. And it's not my space to judge, because what works for me or doesn't work for me is for Moe. And then what works and doesn't work for another person is for that other person
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@chitchatwithkk
Kitha Larie
@chitchatwithkk · 5:00
I can relate a little bit because my life is very busy and when it's like still, I don't know what to do. Like I'm looking for things to do. I can understand in that aspect, but for me, I was just divorced this past December, but I have been living apart for two years. And then before that we weren't together. We was just like cohabiting, so to say, until I made up my mind and got everything situated to move
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@NeophyteSavant
Moe Johnson
@NeophyteSavant · 3:53

@DearAuntyAng @Listen2AuntieL @ilovelucee

That's when they run off. Hence the theory runaway Lover. But in order to get to stage number three, which is the commitment stage, you have to work your way through stage number two. And then, Auntie L, you mentioned something about how relationships are not painful, that the people in the relationship are the ones who chooses the pain. That's really interesting you said that
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@MsColes77
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:29

@AndreaSpeaks

They're forced to face certain insecurities. They're forced to face certain things that they don't want to face about themselves. And so it's easier for me to be in a relationship because then I ain't got to think about it. I ain't got to think about none of that stuff. I can just focus on the other person. I ain't got to think about myself. And so, yeah, they find comfort in being in relationships
@MsColes77
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 1:25

@NeophyteSavant

After a couple of months, we realized, hey, we're just not compatible. And so no hard feelings. We're just ready to move on. We realize it's not working. But then you get with someone else and it turns into kind of a Whirlwind type romance where you fall deeply for this person and develop very strong feelings for this person. And so when things end there, it affects you on a deeper emotional level because of the connection you have with that person
@MsColes77
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 2:42

@DearAuntyAng

And in cases like that, you don't really need a time of healing because you're not really deeply emotionally affected by that particular relationship. But if it's a relationship where you're deeply emotionally affected by it, someone that you thought you would marry, someone that you were deeply in love with, someone you were with for a long period of time, have children with or whatever, then that wound can hurt a lot. Deep. A lot more deep
@ilovelucee
Luce Fonrose
@ilovelucee · 2:10

@Listen2AuntieL

And now I'm like, there's something different that we have to do. And I think that's where I'm at. That's where I've been focusing. That's what I've been focusing on, because I just feel like life is too hard to continue to stay in the same habits and the same patterns. And, yeah, I'm just focusing on my peace, my healing, and at the end of the day, that's what it comes down to
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@lifeofapsychic
Iya Ye Ye
@lifeofapsychic · 2:08

@lifeofapsychic

My my response is that I think the resiliency piece hit me the hardest because I think things are such warp speed now that we're expected to really ramp it up and heal or get over it, quote, unquote. But I also like that you spoke to do we do the work? Should we do the work? From my experience being a psychic and a coach, it's very important for me to do the work
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