J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:52
What about your friends?
People are drawn to me and I am now learning how to have more discernment of who I share my time and energy with when it comes to men. I've had recent interactions with a couple of women who I didn't discern were hanging close to me for reasons that were not above board. And now I know I need to have that same discernment for a romantic relationships. Disheartening? Yes. Disappointing? Yes. Why?
I've had a lot of people in my life who were not true friends, who were not true lovers, who were not true romantic partners. They just simply wanted to take something from me that they thought that I had. But then they went on about their merry way and left me completely drained, empty, wrung out and dry
And as women, we can tend to be insecure about things, look at one another and maybe say, oh, this person is more this than that. And I don't have that. And that's what for me, that's what makes it so beautiful. You know, whatever I don't have in my character or the way I was raised culturally, someone else in my group has that, and I can appreciate that. But with some folks, it's not appreciated
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:49
But she won't connect with me to tell me what it is. So I was just like, you know what? I hate to use that word jealousy, but what is it? And so now that I've had this most recent interaction and both within what, a twelve month time period, I'm just like, okay, okay. I am going to the same discernment and vetting and looking for consistency in vetting men because that's from a romantic stance
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:35
Especially from Pixie's response prior to what I am going to tell myself accountable to do is just be a little bit more discerning in these connections and not assume that because it's with a female in a non romantic type dynamic that I could just go all in, but to be a little bit more discerning to vet them over time look for consistency. Look for if their words and actions match before I start unfolding them in as an air quotation. Bestie
Somebody that I know that I just talked to, they're not really close. And then as that person is trying to come towards me and try to develop a relationship with me, I have this sense of, okay, why is this person trying to draw to me? I'm practically quiet from the outside. Everybody thinks that I'm overconfident, so why is this person trying to draw to me?
So you have those two focuses going on and it's creating the inability for people to maintain really good connections, ties and real actual mature relationships. And so I think what we really need is to start breaking down once again psychologically and intelligently and intellectually. What is a relationship? What is intimacy? What is connection? How much is that necessary to everyday living and to life? And if it is necessary, how do we maintain it? How do we get it?
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:08
Even in the workspace, many will say, oh, JL, you are really quiet. We're trying to read your mind or kind of get some sense about you. And I've come at the back. I'm an observer. I'm just observing. And I speak when it's necessary. I usually say to people, I don't compete for airtime. I don't feel the need to aimlessly talk. And when I have something to say, I say it
Because I've opened up and showed them that, and they like scatter. They're afraid. They don't know what to do because I'm always the one that's helping, and I'm always the one that they talk to. But you know what? Great conversation. I wish we could carry this for like an hour
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 0:41
Okay, again, still dropping bars. Pixie into me. See, that is a fact. That is a fact. As humans being human, that's what we desire. That's like the core of what we desire for people. Whether it is a romantic or a romantic or for familial relationship, we want to know that people see us, that they hear us, they value us, they respect. We want them to see into us. Oh, thank you
Sarah Blanche
@SarahBd1 · 4:39
I think every relationship needs some type of expectations along with boundaries. I have a great group of friends now, and I'm in such a healthy place in my life that I'm able to say I'm not emotionally, I'm not able to talk right now, or I can't respond, but I've heard you
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
So going through pain is actually beneficial because once you pay attention to the pain and you understand where it's coming from, you can change that theme that is not correct in your circumstances. Whether it be biological as an actual physical pain, or emotional, mental and intellectual pain, once you realize why the pain signals are there, you can begin the process of evolution and change. And I think what's wrong with our society is we don't appreciate pain
But if we are willing to allow the pain to teach us and come out on the other side, we can have meaningful interaction and connection with other human beings and we will be on a side that is actually blessed, peaceful, joyful, pleasurable, crazily, wonderful and important and beautiful. But we never get to that place because a lot of us decide we just don't want to go through the hurt and we don't know what the hurt is really about
So definitely if you're feeling pain in a situation that isn't necessary and the pain is only teaching you that you need to let go of something, then by all means, for God's sake, let go. Get rid of that theme because it's not going to serve you. So I just wanted to say that I think I'm going to let you guys go now. This is the third one and I think I said enough for the time being
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:47
And once people are able to successfully do that, they are able to leap forward in their lives, in success with their lives, in success with whatever their desires are, because they're not looking at it from a space of pain. I need to shrink back. I need to avoid it, I need to ignore it, I need to numb it to is pain. This feels good, this is pleasurable. What is it trying to tell me? What do I need to know about it?
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 5:00
I have transitioned to a Survivor and I'm feeling out loud and I was in that dark space, shock, numb, disbelief, intense grief and sadness, anger, and wasn't in a space where I could talk about it. So I was really still showing up at work, literally lying about my home situation. For people who asked because we were just newly married
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:00
And she's one of the initial women I credit to, to where I am today in a space where I'm able to be a resource to other survivors of domestic violence so that they too can heal out loud in their own authentic way on their path to freedom and wholeness. Because it takes a village and it's important to be open with some level of discernment of who might be in and out of that village
Braxxton Brown
@Br33zy · 3:13
So what I look for when it comes to friends is like, are you paying attention to me? How you're talking to me? And things like that. Are you showing genuine interest in the things that I'm interested in? Not saying that somebody has to be interested in everything that I do, but it needs to feel genuine for me
Love LadyO 💋
@loveladyo · 3:26
And over the years, oh, my, oh, my, my relationships with men and women have just been very eye opening. But especially my interactions with women over the years have really made me understand, like you said, the importance of discernment because it is not enough. It will never be enough to just be like that's, my friend, people sometimes are just by you because of who you are and the energy you invite and what it is that you bring
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:29
So this is who's connected to you and this is what you're involved with. And then all of the other stuff comes out. That was a light bulb moment for me to still just treat these women as I would any other woman. Person, male, child, whoever. Oh, my gosh, that was okay, I'm back
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:57
Yes. Happy New Year to you. Thank you for responding to this well. And if you do any continuation of it on your Swell cast, I definitely will. Please tag me or hopefully I come across it so that I can respond to it. But I wanted to share where you said, oh, I have some many examples. I wanted to share an example. So there was a woman I met, and we met through an online Facebook group. Wow
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:32
Hey, dude. Welcome to swell. I believe I heard you say you've been on the platform for about a month. I am JL And I believe I've commented on or maybe I heard a response of yours to another Swell cast. And yes, you were describing your journey, your hair journey. And I appreciate you checking out my Swell cast and resonating with this Swell about a romantic, non intimate friendships and everything. You said wellstated spot on. And you're right
And I'm still working through a lot of things, but a lot of times people are just a*******. And it's unfortunate, but as long as you set up the boundaries, which has been hard for me, but as long as you just stayed true to you and then if there's something uncomfortable, then and eliminate yourself, then there you go. And that's what I've been doing
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:06
Hi. It's JL. First and foremost, I am honored that one. You've listened to past swell, Cast, and you have found my way. My intention of healing out loud, being willing to be transparent, open and vulnerable with the world, essentially to show that it is okay. And the human connectedness? Of experiences and life and thoughts and goals and to hear