And I said to myself very early on, it will take you more energy JL to address them using that catchphrase versus just to let them say what they have to say. And you manage your own triggers. Same thing when I became a survivor of domestic violence in 2020. I said the same thing when I started my healing journey. It is not anyone else's cross to carry, so to speak, to manage my triggers as a survivor of domestic violence
Erica Jean
@HeyItsErica · 3:41
Like you said, you have close friends, family, only a few that you can talk to because it's still great to have someone you can share your woes with. But at the same time, I agree with the other part that you said as well, that it's not their responsibility to manage our triggers. We can't go to the world and expect the world to manage our triggers. This is something that we have to go on our own souljourney about to learn about
And the rest of it is we're sort of interacting with the world, life, people, and that can't be avoided. And sometimes things just don't go well, right? But the quote unquote triggers can be lessened. The more we work on them, the more that we figure out why we're feeling what we're feeling and what are those feelings? Trying to communicate, or correctly and wrongly and reevaluating readjusting some of those thoughts. And sometimes that process is easier than other times
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:40
Christina, thank you so much for your response to this swell. And I'm with you with your example. Let's say we have five people in our circle, family and friends included, and have the weight of having to mind, read, know everyone's thing that has happened to them, said and unsaid and predict what is a trigger or what might be a trigger. That's a lot of pressure. That's a lot of weight. That's a lot of responsibility
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:43
And how I led into it with the women is I said no one wants to look at their baby and call their baby ugly. And guess what? We are the baby. We don't like looking in the mirror. It is, for many, a very uncomfortable process. It's really unsettling to have to look in the mirror and say, hey. And again, disclaimer this is not excusing what anyone has said or done that was horrific
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:55
And so as I was digging deep and I was talking to God about it, and God was saying, this is some trauma associated with that. There's trauma there, and you need to get to the bottom of the trauma, and you need to heal from it. And so as I'm on my healing journey and I was telling the young people this, as I'm on my healing journey, I've had to place boundaries with people
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:14
And then once I came to the realization of what Memorial Day actually stood for, I'm like, Wait, this is not a day for happiness. This is not the day for us to celebrate. We're not celebrating anything. We're remembering. We're honoring. We're reverencing those who lost their lives, who laid their lives down for us so that we can enjoy the freedoms that we enjoy and sometimes take for granted today. And so this is a day of remembrance
Kitha Larie
@chitchatwithkk · 2:25
So to prolong and to think about those things are a waste of time and energy. Of course we're good people and we want the best for everyone, and we want to try to understand and we try to find understanding, at least I do. But I learned a long time ago, I delivered the message, how I deliver it, and another person's perspective is not my responsibility. He talked about losing your father. I lost not my father
Nidhin George 🔷
@geo_rhymes · 3:33
Hey, JL. Let me just say this is a very sensitive and provocative topic, but thank you for choosing it and speaking about it. I was very interested in listening to all the replies to this. Well, and I have to say they've been very insightful
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 2:47
So I started to kind of work out, write out why things are triggers and how to deal with them. And it's definitely something that you have to continuously work on versus just saying hello, this is a trigger. No, I know. No, sometimes it might come back up. It's definitely a work in progress
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 0:12
I also want to say I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry for how you lost your father. I meant to add that in my message, but then I've clicked post a little bit too soon
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:56
If you are able to, could you please tell me what that means? What are you thinking? What emotion are you experiencing, feeling you're having sensation, et cetera. And then let that person articulate that for you. Or who's saying, you're always so mad or you're always so angry. It just allowed me to be able to start to think of how I'm going to have the conversation with him about using the word triggered
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:20
And when you are on the other side and I would like to think that you've had this experience, our experiences as well, when you're on the other side and you've overcome the thing, the triggers, it is such a freeing space, to be in a peaceful space, to be in, to be able to hear different things or see different things and acknowledge, oh, that used to be a thing for me, and be able to say, that used to be a thing for me, and have a mini celebration inside
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:22
That just stuck out for me when you said that. And I appreciate you for bringing that forward. Along with we all have our different experiences you shared about your mother, the passing of your mother, and how you put it into perspective hey, not the best situation and the accountability aspect of it in terms of your mother's own actions or inactions, right? And we all have those things that we have done or are doing or things that we did not do or are not doing
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:59
And I was in the space where I just was not ready to talk about my financial troubles with other people. And now I speak about it freely and I was not in a space where I could talk about it. And here this person is in the car with her husband and traveling to the event
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:20
Shoot, I have the form of alopecia that can't be cured outside of hair transplantation surgery, so somebody can make a joke about that. Shoot, people make jokes about it every day. What's the phrase that is said in the black girl circle? Something about not being bald headed or something
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:19
And how can we then lean in and have these open, non judgmental, non I'm chastising you conversations where it can enlighten and educate the person and then the person can do that back to the person that's giving the message, hey, this is where I'm coming from. Because culturally it means this or regionally, it means that that's where I've landed. Just listening to all of you guys'responses. I am appreciative of the conversation thread on this topic. Thank you
And so I think the exception tends to be around ableism with people that are neurodivergent. So I guess my best example of that is recently I was on a social media chat for people with ADHD and it was a lot of moms on there trying to find information about their kids with ADHD and they just didn't know. They don't know a lot about neurodivergence. And so they are attacking neurodivergent, psychologists and authorities and kind of like making fun of them
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:58
Good morning. Thank you so much for contributing to this thread on this topic about triggers. I appreciate your response, more so because it emphasizes a point that in another conversation I was having actually just yesterday with a therapist friend of mine, or I should say a friend of mine who happens to be a therapist, and we were talking about the looseness of the word triggers
Luce Fonrose
@ilovelucee · 4:59
I feel there's always something that I'm going to say that might affect you in some way and I might not even know it because that's just life. We don't all share the same experiences, so that's just something that you're going to have to manage and really work on. However, at the same time, I do feel that depending on your circle, they should be mindful of your triggers as well. Kind of like what you said
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:03
Good morning. Thank you so much for your response to this well cast and sharing your experiences and your perspective on this subject of managing one's own triggers and I really appreciate the piece that you honed in on the most which is the accountability factor. Let's just initial it AF, right? Because that's trendy AF. No, not the cool AF, more so the cooler AF as an accountability factor
SOUL MIND
@BEAUTIFULSOULMI · 2:23
Well, what experience do you have for this position? Why should we choose you for this position? What experience do I have dealing with my triggers? Why should I trust myself in those positions? Why should I trust myself in those experiences that I know are going to trigger me? I trust myself because I'm learning how to adjust. I'm learning how to manage them. And it's nobody's responsibility except my own. It
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:01
And how do we do that and communicate to our significant others that we have these triggers and we're working on them and we are responsible for that in a healthy way. Responsible for it and we're going to manage it and monitor it in a healthy way so that we can continue to grow and evolve with them in the new relationship. And so I was listening to you and your response and it made me reflect back again on that conversation I had with during my spiritual reading earlier