I've never been married, I've attempted to get married and I was lowkey rejected, which was good because it probably would have been a headache considering that her and I did not last. But anyway, I wonder what are your guys'thoughts on ethically non monogamous relationships and have you encountered this if you do any online dating yourself? I'm always confused. It seems like, swell. Everyone is like in a relationship but me. So I'm just curious what you guys think about that
Finley Ave
@finnave · 4:53
A big part of it is definitely people's willingness to be open just the same as people coming out as gay or any other type of sexuality like that wasn't accepted for a long time until more people were brave and came out and did that. Between social media, mainstream media, and just people's willingness to come out and show the world who they are, what they're about. That's I think, why times are shifting and the dating apps actually are allowing those terms on there
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:15
But yeah, the different facets of relationships in today's day and age. And that's great that you pointed out at one point this was prohibited to include this sort of stuff on one's online dating profile. And it seems so crazy now with so much flexibility and choice out there that one would have to prohibit themselves. And I think it's really a great thing, even though there have been instances where I have mass liked profiles out there
Kēhau Paulo
@Wahine · 2:15
Hi, dawn. So even though I'm not on the dating scene and I've never, like, really officially ever dated or did or even participated in these, like, online dating dating apps, because when that stuff came out, I was already in a relationship. However, my view on ENF. Wait, what is it? I forgot what it's called. Enm relationships
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:34
So there are some points I'm talking to upwards of maybe four or five women at a time, but we're just getting to know each other. So it's not like I'm going over this girl house and this is the one that Ave me filatio and this is the one I go to the movies with nothing like that. I'm just getting to know these women. But in the world of dating, things can. It's very interesting
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 5:00
And I have noticed that the women I've come across, they almost are not looking for fellow ethical, non monogamous people to have a relationship with, but instead are looking for someone that they are attracted to. And then once the attraction is met, then they lay it on them that, hey, I the the the the boom of ENM relationships with you
Finley Ave
@finnave · 4:49
Hey friends, please let me know if I mispronounce any of your names. Dewuan I am glad that I can add to the single crew here. I guess I'm single by accident first because just recovering from a previous relationship, but also I'm trying to shift into actively choosing that and I'm about there. Anyway, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine having like a public proposal and then having to do the explaining later
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 1:05
So thank you for that, Finley. And yeah, that's why I'm glad to have conversations like these, to have different perspectives the matter, and also to inform and educate as well
Bowie Rowan
@bowie · 3:23
I have had various kinds of connections and relationships this past year while I've been on this journey and it's really helped me stay grounded and focused around what I'm interested in, what I want, and also my boundaries and what I'm open to in the future with either a partner or several partners depending on what my life might look like and what might be healthiest for me and others involved
Finley Ave
@finnave · 2:10
Also, I definitely agree that it's important to stay open about what kind of relationships styles you're seeking because that can shift totally depending on who you meet and what you guys form together. Anyway, I also agree that labels aren't of the most important. I'm curious, how much would you say polyamory has helped you with your communication skills? Because I know that it's very important to be able to, as you said, be able to communicate your intentions, your boundaries
Bowie Rowan
@bowie · 4:58
I think embracing that about myself also really helped me further understand some of my behaviors and how I was contributing to relationship dynamics that were making me really unhappy. And it was all socialized stuff rather than choices I was thoughtfully and intentionally making. So I have found it much easier in the past year to be honest and direct with partners about who I am, what I can offer
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Charlie Floyd
@damonnomad · 4:50
I think where the cruelty lies is in the erasure of the historical processes that have come by way of colonialism that have altered various Peoples from a state where they possess the social economy and sophisticated kinship networks that culturally undergirded African and Indigenous communities to practice with people of European descent now called ENM
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 3:16
Damon, Nomad, thank you for responding and you gave me some ideas. Now, I am not going to be one to profess that I am of any study, and I'm just more of a curious mind. But like, I wonder before the colonial Christian dominance, what was relationships like? I can imagine not everyone was in favor of one wife and one husband. Even if you look towards certain, you don't have to look that far away to certain sexes
Charlie Floyd
@damonnomad · 4:55
So what you have that goes along with the individual is the concept of also private possession. And people think of private possessions as objects. Private possession can also be your thoughts, your concepts of other people and how you interrelate with those things. So here's what I'm trying to say. Let's say you come from the Western tradition. You go out and you observe some people. And for all intents and purposes, and all other things being equal, they practice something that looks like monogamy
Quite frankly, my friend, that doesn't happen. Unless, of course, one thinks that Chickfila is fulfilling. There is more to this sex and love than what scientists have measured chemically and physically in the human body. There is an element of sacredness living, an abundant life having nothing to do with economic status. I hope this helps in your identifying, your willingness to participate in this various types of relationship, but thanks you for the swell
Charlie Olivieri
@Charlieri · 4:53
I think possibly the pandemic has given people time to explore what they would want from relationships and whether they want more and to expand out and get more experiences from like life. And also maybe the realization upon being kind of locked down with a single partner, realizing that they can't fulfill all of your needs and that you need other people and that can either be friends or family or it can be other partners that can also fulfill different needs in that way as well
Finley Ave
@finnave · 1:38
I don't know if you're offended by the language or just the I would say probably not the development of language as that is something that is always evolving, but just the lack of recognition of where that kind of originated from. And unfortunately, a lot of people don't appreciate history. It's something that I have a lot of learning to do myself and I don't know. Do you have any recommendations on, I guess, how to bring that in? And you said uprooting
Charlie Floyd
@damonnomad · 4:43
Not every culture shares it, but there's definitely deep seated in Bantu languages culture. And here's what happened. How does this have anything to do with black people mispronouncing words? Because we were stolen from different parts of Africa and because the continent is so diverse and rich with different languages. But family trees share kind of like an overarching superstructure that can be shared. Even though we spoke different languages, we all shared this cultural value of not showing your tongue to someone else at deference and respect
Charlie Floyd
@damonnomad · 4:20
It takes more than just getting the right technique for language and how you talk about your feelings. Because the bottom line is that intertwined in these cultural value systems is not only just ideas of the individual, but it's ideas about what you think other people are. They value what they deserve, what you deserve all that's baked into there. And it's just a lot of dominating European patriarchal stuff
Finley Ave
@finnave · 0:59
Hey, thank you so much for going into detail and really breaking that down for me. That is crazy to learn about the linguistics that black people carry had no idea. And I really didn't even know that people considered that mispronunciation rather than an accent. So really, you're just bringing so much to my attention here. And you may think this is wishful thinking, but that is a journey I would like to go down. And I know it would be quite challenging
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:53
It's interesting because even that could be different for some people out there where in terms of the diversity of love that can be Finley can be found within Poly and within nonethical monogamy is just as noteworthy or interesting as one who does decide to look for their husband or their wife. Take me, for instance. I still am of the belief that I'm looking for a lady to be in love with and share my time and energy with my kids
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 1:18
Nomad thank you for your wisdom and being able to take an idea and take it to a different place. So I like to feel what I do. But you have a College degrees to back you while I'm a high school drop out myself working on getting my GED though. Anyway, thank you all so much for making this post. More than what I thought it could be into something that makes me look at lifestyle feel a little different in the best way possible
Bowie Rowan
@bowie · 4:35
I heard you saying the pain and frustration of seeing in 2022 a lot of people talking about ENM relationships or Poly or all these different kinds of relationship structures that are rooted in many cultures, particularly cultures not constituted or created by European colonialists or white settlers