Why is attraction strongly linked to looks while personality is strongly linked to the mind? Looks can be personality, right? If you throw on any ounce of makeup, or you use a brush, or you get a haircut, or you wear a lip balm well, maybe not lip balm, but lip gloss, or if you get your nails done, if you buy clothes, you are expressing personality, which is a part of your look. That's the attraction
I suppose it depends on what one means by, quote, unquote attractive. I've been told I'm cute. I've been told I'm pretty. And those, I guess, fit under the umbrella of attractive. I've also been told I'm ugly, so, you know, whatever. To each of their own. I think. I'm not bad looking, you know, but has anyone ever used the word specifically attractive? No. Do? Yeah. I don't know
Kitha Larie
@chitchatwithkk · 0:34
Hello. Yes, I have been told that I am beautiful. I've also been told that I'm not attractive. So as the saying says beauty is in the bah of the beholder. What I may find attractive, you may not. And it's okay. It's not a big deal. I'm beautiful to one, not so attraction to the other. I that just means that I'm not a fit. Maybe I'm not attracted to the person who thinks I'm beautiful
Amanda Grace
@Labyrinth · 4:20
And I have a generally bubbly disposition, I suppose. And I don't like seeing other people hurting or feeling left out or struggling. And so I guess I have empathy, which is something that attracts people the fact that I like to reach out and help people and welcome them. So, yeah, I think that attraction is many things altogether. And parts of it do have to do with societal like expectations and views of beauty
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 0:36
Well, thank you so much for debuting your ugly selfie here. And isn't it so fitting talking about attraction? Sometimes you have to go against the idea of attraction to truly bring out the beauty within yourself as you have so colorfully depicted here. I guess I will add to the ugly selfie. Or should I do I guess I'll do it here. Then I'll do it on your I think you made a post original swell about it. Here we Larie. Let's do it
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 0:22
Well, kitha sounds as if you are indifferent to attraction. Some people have said you were attraction. Some people have said you weren't. And you were fine with anything someone had to. Jay. Keep being you. And thank you for participating in the conversation about attraction
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 1:53
And it's very fascinating that you've had a unique, quote unquote, ugly duckling phase. I tend to be more attracted to ugly ducklings. I kind of know the type. But anyway, it is very subjective. But I love subjectivity. There's nothing greater than hearing someone's experience or what their views are on a thing, because I feel it informs objectivity in a certain way. But anyhow, thank you for contributing to this, and I'll listen to your other
I think there's a whole conversation that could be had around that of like, I don't know, the thoughts swirling my mind over the last few days are like when we say that we value creativity, imagination, but don't won't use our brains in that way. Or we say that we value authenticity, but there's more fakery than there is honesty and authenticity
Amanda Grace
@Labyrinth · 2:47
Because oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes, they are still humble people and they don't necessarily realize that they've become conventionally attractive and they still kind of stay true to theirselves and the personality that they have developed, as opposed to being one of those, I guess, more conceited individuals who get through life basically based on their looks or their attractiveness. And they know that they're attractive
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 0:06
What are the patterns in your history with people you have found attractive?
Amanda Grace
@Labyrinth · 4:44
Just because like I said, I learned that it's because I don't have not a primary sexual attraction, like in terms of a physical look, there just has to be a spark or something between me and the person. So that has definitely shown as a strong pattern in my dating history and helped me to understand why people think that I don't know, that I date beneath me because I'm not looking at what they look like. I don't
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 1:08
You once again, great contributions to this well cast. And when I talked about pattern based attraction and you seemed I like that you talked about feel, the feel is what's important to you rather so much than the physicality. So that attraction is very personal warmth for you. Um, as like, a tall guy. Kitha dad bod, aka me. I'm actually working on my dad bod, by the way, but, yeah, you kind of described me
I think I'd say that tangible things can hint at one's personality. Physical things can hint at one's personality, but they're not the personality itself. I mean, it's like some of the conversation we had yesterday, right, about how we might change our clothing. Clothing is tangible and together it can create a look and hint at the personality. Actually, maybe that's not even true because, you know, there's some people who maybe will dress contrary to what's internal sometimes
Amanda Grace
@Labyrinth · 4:35
I've been thinking about this question is personality tangible or, like, physical? And I don't think so. I think that personality can influence the physical. I also think that we use certain aspects of the physical to kind of interpret or coles up with what we think someone's personality is. However, I don't believe that personality is necessarily physical. For example, someone who takes care of their skin, likes to get their hair and nails done, wears nice clothes
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 3:51
Or they feel unattractive, or they feel older, they feel their breasts are too saggy. You have Botox and you have retinols and different things to try to look younger for men. You have the hair for the fake hair that you pay. You have different skin procedures for them. You can get ABS as a man through surgery and all of that. I think that attractiveness does come in different forms
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 3:23
So, yeah, next time I would suggest you hit the Answer button to one of those and it would make it flow a bit better. But I'll answer this reply. Yes. I find it very fascinating that attraction is so strongly linked only to looks. But looks in themselves are comprised of our personality, not purely genetically, because the personality, I feel is what can make someone more attractive than someone else. And the personality is a part of the looks for me
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 3:56
And then it's like we call it a problem when the men do it, but then when women do it, it's not a problem. Now for me, I'm 33 and I will definitely like to date someone who's like 43, 40. Like ten years is usually always what I've done. Even when I was younger, I usually like about a ten year up. That's just my preference
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 0:21
You. So, Christina, you come to mind. Thank you for answering my questions. By the way, I have a question for you though. Now, do you feel it can be dangerous when we make attraction binary?
I don't like when people are labeled as like good or bad, for example, because there's so much more nuance and complexity to what is and so of course attractiveness is subjective. I don't know that it can be done by Mary. And so then I don't know how to answer whether it would be dangerous or not. I mean, it's only really going to be dangerous for the individual, right? Because it is subjective
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 3:16
They just scroll to that question and listen to the replies rather than one they see where they're not interested in it. Possibilities. But yeah, rumor for improvement. But that was the idea I was running with. Attraction being binary and being dangerous. What are your thoughts on that?
And so just anecdotally I can say that there's definitely an aspect of conditioning there. And so maybe one day we'll be able to see more beauty in more places if we begin to or continue rather to include more forms of beauty. I mean, beauty is not perfection, necessarily. There's some artist who even said something like along those lines, right?
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
I think you're right. There's a lot of potential here for this new feature and even for compartmentalizing or segmenting conversation. But I think part of that only happens if people are aware of the workaround that you and I are doing of hitting the answer button of the original question and then tagging the specific person we want to respond to, right?
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 2:57
I've not been told I'm not attractive. Although that's not to say that some folks didn't think that. They just didn't say it. I'm not everybody's cup of tea
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 3:11
Sometimes you have to kind of swim through the recesses of the subconscious to get to that aspect of a personality that maybe they weren't even aware of. And it takes a bit of, you know, a bit of work to genuinely get to know somebody. But, yeah, I don't like that idea that only ugly people have amazing personalities. Is that what we're communicating by saying looks aren't everything? I mean, looks aren't everything. True
I mean, not all the time. Some people are good at pretending, right? But my model used to be, well, let me take you out on a date. Even if I do see red flag. That's not really a good strategy. Usually you can kind of figure that out. Usually you can figure that out before you even meet one another, meet each other out in the public. Usually you should be able to figure that something is wrong, something doesn't seem right