Suddenly I start doing it to a couple of other people that I know to just be genuine and real about where I thought the connection or relationship was going. But I had to do this recently with someone who I was strongly considering establishing a connection with. And it feels like a breakup of sorts, but we never officially were an item
Everything Jay
@everythingjay · 3:30
And so I had done my own share of those things, but at the latter I had a lot of situations that kind of made me upset and it kind of made me like, oh my God, was I that person? To people? Was I that person that couldn't even communicate but then assume that I would be perfect for long term relationships in terms of friendship and relationship? Like I can't even f****** talk through anything
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:56
I wasn't sure if I could talk to you in the free way that I'm used to speaking with women that I fancy. But, yeah, I think for some people they may feel there's still no need to communicate it if they don't feel comfortable doing it or whatever. Obviously, it's a more intimate, aspirational way of communication as opposed to just something platonic like, let's say, on swell
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:55
So because of that and because I know that's got to be a s***** situation, right? Like you're vibing somebody and they don't actually get why all of a sudden it went cold. Even though in my mind it would be like, okay, you were a douche to the server at the restaurant and then I don't know, caught him on a bad day, whatever you want to call it, but enough of it to make me go now
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:36
And the other person must have been curious as to why I stopped talking to them as they had enjoyed the banter and conversation we had prior. But unbeknownst to them, I have that conversation with a lot of women. I won't go so far as to say I'm a ladies man, but I just know and enjoy talking with women. I know how to talk to them and I enjoy talking with them. So it's very easy for me to ply my trade
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:35
Like, if the connection was already going deeper, it did you ever even meet her or did you just finally get some pictures that you were like, aunt? No, not attracted. Because, I mean, we are attracted to what we're attracted to. So go on, playa. Yeah, I want details. I'm a girl. Girls want details. So you can't do the teaser thing and then just leave me hanging like that. Anyway, thank you
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:45
Maybe a day later, I had to have a talk with her about it and I just had to come clean. I told her exactly everything I kind of told you, in a way, not everything, but I basically told her that physically, it just wasn't working for me. So, yeah. Um, and I think that's all you need to know. We'll say that much, but thank you again. Hopefully I answered some of your questions
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:01
But I've come across way back in my dating days where it was very similar. They know the right angle, too. And I don't know if that's just certain guys that was going for the best profile picks or whatever. You heard her feelings, though. Jeez. I mean, honesty is awesome, right? Honesty is the best policy. But that had to be hard to hear. And I'm sure she'll still use her angles because us girls do that
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:28
Yeah, she seemed to kind of handle it decent enough. I wasn't as harsh to her, but I did tell her, like, if we had met and the only pictures I had seen of you were the pictures you had on your bumble and a couple that she sent to me, I would have felt some type of way about seeing her, because clearly, that's not what she looks like. I mean, it is her, but it's a certain angle of her
And I feel like the older I get, the less I kind of do care about other people's feelings. You're older than me, so I think you start to realize that at the end of the day, they don't give a f*** about yours. I remember this one girl that I was seeing, and when she sent me that text, like, hey, I don't want to go on any more dates with you. Don't text me. She said like that
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 4:33
And what's funny is I kind of did that again with a girl who I had recently told, and I tried to kind of talk to her again, but she kind of emphasized what I had said to her and said, no, I don't see you that way. Or something like that, I can't recall. But it's only going to put you more in line with your purpose to dating or whatever it is you're trying to do and finding a mate or a partner
Ann-Gela Kaye
@DearAuntyAng · 1:58
So if it comes to, let's say, talking to someone, maybe before you get to a first date or after a date and it just is not sitting well with you, there's no connection, I like to sandwich it off. So, of course you're a good person, you're great
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 3:41
Hi. Dear Auntie Ange, thank you so much for participating in the Swell cast sandwich method. That sounds like what I do, but I think I replace something bad with me being honest, offering mean, constructive criticism, et cetera. Well, maybe not constructive criticism, as that would imply it could make something better down the line, but just something that didn't work for me. And yeah, cutting people off is not new for me
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 0:18
No, sir. No, sir. I am separated and I have been dreading the whole dating app thing, so I just haven't done it. And I'm too old for this s***. But I will live vicariously through your story. So keep them coming. They are always entertaining. Thank you
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 0:56
You said separated, so I'm assuming that you all must have been married. How were you back in the day? Were you breaking men's hearts, or were you heartbroken with each breakup that you faced with a man?
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 2:03
Well, at the end of the year, I was on a dating app for three weeks before I deleted it. And I was just like, oh my God, these people are insane. Like, insane, thirsty a** men on there. Then I met my husband, and we were together for several years and then have been separated for about a year and a half. And I'm not even trying to be honest. I take that back
Young Promiss
@ThaRealPromiss · 0:51
It. I love this comma, the openness comma, the honesty. Dot, dot, dot sends my mind to a lot of places and recent memories of recent practice that's making this very beneficial to me. And I really enjoyed this talk here, this share. It's good to know you're not alone, you know? And it's good to know you're doing good things, even though some of us weren't surrounded by cheerleaders all our life
Dewuan .
@FryedOreo · 2:03
You. Thank you for responding. The real promise on this. Well cast. And it's very fascinating establishing boundaries. It can feel as though you are being very rude and cold and callous, especially for me. Again, you know, coming from a culture where if I wasn't feeling somebody, I just stopped talking to them completely and let them figure it out and that would happen to me, vice versa
Young Promiss
@ThaRealPromiss · 2:58
And I definitely want to avoid a lot of the things you talked about. The Platonic is easy, but a lot of people don't understand, like you said she didn't understand. This is not going to occur, period. Right. So I just want to tap in with you. I'm going to stay locked in. Remember, keep being genuine. Beautiful people will do beautiful things and in turn that makes us find other beautiful people. I salute you. You have a great one
