Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 4:51
Boundaries!!! Should we have them or not? How does one set boundaries? Are there different types or kinds of boundaries?
Even in a marriage, there's boundaries to be set up. Even in friendships, there's boundaries to be set up. And then we also have not just the two camps of the inner circle, of the outer circle, but there's also boundaries to be set up with regards to
Carly D
@Astroality · 4:37
The friendship would disconnect, the relationship would end, or they'd go Mia on me and silent because they just always assumed that I always had the answer, that I didn't need support, that I was getting support that I needed from someone or somewhere else or giving it to myself. And I was always ending up in very one sided connections, right? Where I was giving my all to people, places, circumstances, careers, situations
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:26
Okay? So I can tell you that because of the types of relationships that I was shown and involved in due to the childhood trauma I've mentioned before, because I've had therapy at this point. And a lot of the problems that will stem from that is not knowing how to set boundaries or what the boundaries are supposed to be. Because because when you're growing up in a house where there's abuse or things like that, then you're being shown that there are none
Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 4:49
See, the thing is, too, is that when we are in relationship with someone and they're in the inner circle, that expectations are different than someone on the outer circle. So if no one's communicating about where their boundaries are or what have you, then that person on the outer circle could assume they're in the inner circle and they're really not. And their expectations is of that, of someone that's in the inner circle, but they're actually on the outer circle
Carly D
@Astroality · 3:00
It so much. This it was so important. I love one of the things that you said here that really like yeah, that makes sense. As I was hearing it, you said there's actually a couple of things. Number one, you said it's so important to have that dialogue, right? Especially when you're demoting someone from your inner circle to the outer circle, or vice versa. You're promoting someone from your outer circle into your inner circle
Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 4:15
So strict that someone can't breathe either which way one extreme or the other, then a person, a child grows up and not knowing how to set boundaries, what they look like, what a boundary should be and has to go through this process. And usually it's a painful process of learning how to set boundaries, how to do that, or when they should set boundaries and all those different things. And that could be quite an experience
Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 2:28
I totally get that. Absolutely. I just keep thinking about how sometimes there's so much confusion for people within their relationships. Is it because no one's talking and no one's setting boundaries? Or if they do, they're laxed with this boundary setting, or if someone crosses over the boundary, they just let it go and then it happens again. They just let it go, it happens again. Then the person doesn't even see any boundary because they've walked across them so often
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:28
Some people need that. They need that structure. But it's so important not to neglect because you never know what's bubbling under the surface and what's going to be the one thing that creates the final crack that just makes this whole glass shattered. Right. Like it's not repairable at this point. And I don't ever want to put anybody in those shoes where they get to the point that they feel or they have to experience that it's not repairable
Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 4:03
Come to the table to talk about something, to hash it out, to sort through something. Because sometimes someone doesn't hear something that the other one heard or whatever, maybe, but I don't know who said at what time or another that life or relationships were supposed to be comfortable, because they're not. Some people have that thing about marriage
Family in some ways at nuclear and extended will lock you into who they think you are at a younger age. And then as you begin to grow and change away from them and even around them, they still think you are the younger person that they knew you as. And so you're like, no, this is not what I will tolerate anymore because as a kid we don't necessarily know any better. So I think that they definitely are important
Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 2:24
It. Absolutely. I definitely agree. It all depends on the person, the situation, inner circle, outer circle, a lot of different things. And like you said before, that for some people, they don't even get anywhere near to even enter into that conversation at all because it's just not happening. And so that is what it is
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Andrea Potvin
@GoodEnough · 2:43
You. This is quite the topic. Really appreciate it being brought up. I am working on things like this, boundaries, because I was never raised to have a boundary or have respected thought or, um, you know, my well being and comfort level was not thought of or respected. Even as a child, I think a lot of parents thought that they were to be respected, which I do agree, but I think it goes both ways
We're working on ourselves. Like we said, we cut off a lot of people and we have more peace in our life. We had to heal and come back from things that nobody's ever apologized for or even held themselves accountable for. But like we said, it is what it is. And it's all good. It's all good. But, yes, you have every right to have boundaries. Make sure they're healthy. Boundaries. That's the key thing
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:33
They're going to see what they can take from you. And it is sad that we have to live that way in this world, even with people that supposedly love us or do love us and the people that we love, but we do the stuff that you think someone may never do to you, they may. And then when they do, are you prepared? What are you prepared to do about it? Because to come up with a false boundary is exactly what you're talking about
Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 2:31
It still seems to me that in that kind of situation, that the boundaries are always important to have or to make depending on the people in your life and who's there in terms of the inner circle, outer circle and all of that. Because in my experience, some people get confused when boundaries are not set and they think they're in the inner circle, but they're actually not
Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 4:46
Ah, thank you for for sharing on as well. I appreciate what you said. Absolutely. You know, I definitely agree with what you said. You know, it's it's you know, when you grow up where there was no boundaries or grow up where there was strict boundaries, you have like this one extreme or to the other and it can be very confusing
Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 3:14
And so to be able to say the things that you can hold to rather than sort of given some false sort of boundary where you're not going to stick to what you're saying. Absolutely. Another thing, as you were sharing, you were talking about how you're a work in progress. And that is so important because sometimes we put pressure on ourselves because we're not at this place that we think we should be. That where we we don't have it all together
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:53
So that's a tough place to be in when you have such a strong bond with somebody, and then you have to set a boundary. That's very difficult. But again, healthy boundaries are necessary, and if someone truly loves you, even though they may be hurt by the boundary you set, if they truly love you and care for you, they will respect your boundaries. And that's ultimately where you want to be. To a place where people respect your boundaries
Barbara 😃💙🎻🥁
@Digitalpenz · 3:36
But because these boundaries are flimsy, people don't know where they stand, they don't know how far they can go. And then we wonder like, well, why are we arguing with them? Why are we having a difference of opinion? Because there's confusion. Because no one has spoken about where they are in that person's life, whether they're the inner circle, outer circle, and what all that means in terms of expectation or in terms of how far someone can go