Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 3:47
Many Black women refuse ro date outside of their race? Are they missing out on love?
And one of them could be if black women were willing, more willing to date outside their race. So let me just give a couple of disclaimers here, because we're talking about race, and I know it's a touchy subject, but we're still in black History Month, and I feel like black History Month is a time to really look into some things and maybe face some hard truths. And so let's go with it. This swell is not about bashing black men
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:58
Let me just tell you that so many women, like I said, who are not interested in dating outside their race could possibly. There's no guarantee, right? But they could possibly be missing out on a really great love simply because they can't overlook his race. At the end of the day, there are racial differences, but I believe there's only one race, the human race. We make race a social construct. A race is a social construct
Tanya Coles
@MsColes77 · 3:59
They were raised to be feminine and submissive women. They were raised to be the type of woman that they wanted. And so they ended up marrying white women because, culturally speaking, these women held and possessed the traits that they were looking for in a woman, period. And so I get that. So I think that the type of man and the quality of man that you connect with has a lot to do with the culture. How did they grow up?
Andrea Piggue
@Andrea_Speaks · 4:59
I had a couple of people call me a nigger, and I ended up in the principal's office after those incidents. And so I just never have. I will say that I did try to date a white guy some years back. So this was probably when I was first divorced from my second ex husband. So this is like, 2017. 2018. I tried to date a white guy. I really did. I tried to date him, and it was okay
Kitha Larie
@chitchatwithkk · 5:00
Hey. Yes, I actually like this topic and you're right. It can be a topic where people can get upset but they shouldn't. And you shouldn't have to worry about someone getting upset. If they do, then it's a problem with themselves, not you. It's a problem with themselves or the subject matter. As far as me and race, will I date outside of my race? Absolutely. Have I dated it in the past?
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:59
But the fact that white men or non black men get a really good rap is foolish, too, because they'd be doing some things just trifling. And so men are men. And likewise, though I'll say that women are women, I think that black women, we've had these conversations here before. We've been taught some things about waiting on the Lord, which is good, but sometimes it ages us out of the dating game, right?
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:54
Hey, Andrea, I hear everything you're saying. At least you're open to it. If right. If the opportunity presents itself, you're open, you consider it. And if you've dated a white guy before, it's a lot easier to say I've dated outside my race. It's not for me. It's easier to say that with experience under your belt as opposed to some of my cousins and friends I've talked to
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 3:19
Tanya, I wanted to also circle back and reply to you because I thought about something after my five minutes was up. You know, I remember going out with this one white guy who. He loves himself, some black women now, mind you, he's married now to a white woman. He was divorced. He was divorced when I met him. And. And I just saw, like, on Facebook, like, two months ago. He's married to a white woman
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:41
And I know some white women that I know on a personal level, they don't stand for stuff. I know we've been called gold diggers and child support is trying to bring a black man down. I can tell you some white ladies that the first thing they do after divorce is make sure they get that child support and alimony, if she ever worked part time or didn't work at all, to make sure she and her kids are taken care of
And then my husband, currently, who I've been with for 25 years, is white, and I am actually the first black woman that he ever dated. So you never really know how things are going to happen in your world because things change and life comes along and sometimes external forces that you don't even see come in and totally disrupt your plan. But, yeah, I don't really decide who I'm going to
And so that was the other big thing I used to hear all the time. Why you talk white? Why you talk white? And it was like. And I didn't even know that was a thing. I swear to you, I had no clue that I spoke any different than anyone else. I thought I sounded the same and everything. So that was another big thing for me when I was growing up. It was like having to date, trying to find someone to date
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:27
And I said in another reply, I don't know if you listen to all the replies, but I found three kinds of different white guys when it comes to dating. There's one that just have a fetish. He just want to see what a black girl is like. He has no intention of marrying her. He just want to see what the BlackBerry molasses is all about
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 4:58
Hey, Ange, I looked at this swell the other day, and I didn't want to reply. I really didn't, because I was like. I felt like people were waiting for me to reply. But it's not about me, and I wasn't trying to be big headed or nothing. It's just that when people know that you date outside of your race, sometimes they really do look down on you. And it's unfair. It's unfair because I love my husband
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:36
But I think that, as I stated, if black men aren't really checking for a black woman or they're not meeting people, and you got guys that are not black that are giving you attention, why not maybe go for it? And it's like anything else, 50 50 chance that it's going to be great versus 50 50 chance that it might not be so great because people are people. But why miss out on love because of color?
Evelyn Phipps
@LadyFi · 2:37
Or maybe you should tell him no. How larie we supposed to tell the master no? And how are we supposed to change our appearance so that he doesn't look at us? Sin is sin. And somebody that wants to commit a sin like that, I don't care how you look. If they want you, that's what they want. So I think it goes back to philosophy and the way that it happened to women as opposed to the way it truly happened to men
Michael Knight
@MK1981 · 4:36
You. I don't know if this was supposed to be an open conversation or if this was just for black women, but as a black man, it was interesting to hear everyone's perspective and life journeys, especially when it came to the dating thing. So I'm married, and I'm married to a non black woman. Woman of color, but non black. And before her, most of the women that I was with, they were mostly white
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:50
And there have been white men and hispanic men and men of other cultures to reach out to me and match with me and just their lingo and culture and how things Larie phrased. I don't know. It does nothing for me and I end up just exiting the conversation and not responding anymore and
So if they want to be jerks or whatever, it don't matter to me at this point in my life because I found my happiness and I'm going to stay in my happiness. And yes, he happens to be a white man, and he's probably the whitest of white men, and I'm the first and only black woman he's ever dated. But yeah, he is a big old country boy. And yes, I think it's so funny. But he's great
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 4:31
I'm in a relationship, a non monogamous relationship with a black man. And it is one of my most safest and healthiest relationships I've had to date. And I'm grateful for him, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to be in a relationship with him from a space of choice versus obligation or to meet any type of societal, family, religious expectation that is truly where we are currently in our lives. The universe has attracted us to one another. Again, thank you
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 2:14
So because I had an experience with the man outside my race, I just froze. And any normal flirtatious thing I would have said to cue a black man into that, I was into him and interested in it being more than just this casual exchange of words, I was at a loss. It was in my head, it was weighted on my tongue, and I just could not get the words out. I'm just looking at him, and it was as if
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 5:00
But the other side of the coin I've come to notice is I've heard some black women say, well, yeah, I would like to date outside my race, or I like caucasian men or whatever, but it's not my job to be educating my white boyfriend or my white husband about the black experience in America, the history of racism in this country, certain things that blacks are offended by the ins and outs of black culture, and they feel like, look, it's not my job
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:41
I think some black women do think they have options, if I may say. I think sometimes we have curbed the guy that we didn't think was all of that. And waiting for the guy that we do think is all that to pay us attention. And I think that might be some women's cases when they find themselves at a later age and still single, because maybe they thought they had a lot of options
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 5:00
That's fine. I remember dating even outside my religion. I dated a jewish guy, and even though it was very culturally enriching, and I learned a lot, and we weren't going to raise kids together at this age, but I felt like at the end of the day, I'd rather be with someone that shares my faith
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:14
But I like how you said, and you mentioned earlier how you liked who likes you, and I think that that's the gist of some things. I think if a woman, a black woman, is finding herself not being chosen by black men, why not explore other options, especially if white men are approaching you now, if nobody approaching you, that's something you got to work on yourself. Right?
Okay. So, yeah, I must have misunderstood how you. When you were talking. But that's okay. You know, to each his own. It just happens. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. But I really do think you might have missed your Megan and Harry moment. And who knows? Could have been something fun, could have been something exciting. It could have been something very powerful. You never know. But thanks for clarifying. I appreciate that. Bye
Yeah, that was part of my experience. And it was kind of sad in a way. Know, like I said, my first boyfriend, Byron, was know, I just was crazy about him. And of course, my mom ruined that. But, um, so it just seemed like there just wasn't a lot of options anymore, and so I just kind of went with whoever wanted to see me. So, yeah, I just thought I'd mention that. Thanks
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 1:15
Oh, my God. The brothers own the winter all day suit with a hard bottom. Own it. But the summertime belongs to the white boy. So we joke like that. So I wonder if this story took place in warmer weather when he was in all his white boy glory. But I enjoyed your story
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:36
And it's sickening because when they talk about black women dating outside the race, it's the idea of leaving those dusties alone, leaving the dusties behind and go with the white. It's very. It's very negative. I think she's actually a very sick individual. Cynthia G. But I'm certainly not coming from that angle because I made it very clear that I am not dissing or bashing black men or black women. I make that clear. This is not that. Yeah, people
Angela, I was in the middle of listening to your response, and I wanted to say this before it left my brain, because with Ms, things leave my brain so freaking fast. But I wanted to say about your mom not knowing who her father is, that a good thing might be to do would be to get onto ancestry.com and have her send in her dna to them for them to run it through and all the other stuff
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 4:44
Sometimes it's negative negro nonsense, what I call it, because I'm like, look, man, like that whole Cynthia G. Thing you mentioned, and the women who expect to go on a five star restaurant first date, and the men who want their women to stay home and do this and that, I'm like, how much of a footprint does that have in real life? Not much. How many people do you know who really out there walk around that mentality? Not many
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 3:59
Hey, Javon, just want to circle back because I forgot there was something I was going to say in my initial reply to you, and you were talking about some black women not wanting to teach a non black man about the black experience. And that's certainly true. You know, every race culture has their own unique experiences. But look at, even like you said, the gender wars between black men and black women
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 1:49
You. Hey, Jacqueline. Yes. When my therapist a few years ago actually suggested that I gift my mother with, like, an ancestry or 23 andme kit, because, you know, not knowing your identity is huge, and it probably plays a lot in the way my mother acts, which is the way that I was raised, which now has me in therapy. Right. It. So if we could kind of figure out that missing piece
Michael Knight
@MK1981 · 1:34
So it's not necessarily like this thing where women are always subjugated and men lord over them or anything like that. And while there are some challenges, I definitely noticed in my own relationship and meeting other people in the same relationships that I'm in, that things have definitely shifted, especially if you're married and dating someone who grew up in the states or England or something of that nature
Michael Knight
@MK1981 · 3:39
But when it's time to settle down, when it's time to pick a lifemate, you don't see other cultures still going down that road. But I'll still see women and black women in their 30s still going for dudes who have swag. And I don't fully get that
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 3:15
Hey, Michael. Yeah, I'm at no disrespect towards south asian culture. I'm basically going by, you know, the friendships I've had with indian coworkers, indian friends, and by what my niece and her husband are telling me. And I guess, look, the problem boils down to the older generation
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 3:57
Hey, Michael, thanks for chiming back in. I would think when it comes in terms of a person that's educated minded, not being seen as the first love choice or love choice at all in the black community, I'm sure there's a lot of reasons, but I would think one reason is we choose from what's around us. It's like a multiple choice test, right? We know the right answer is there
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 3:11
Hey, good morning, people. You know, just. Just to kind of follow up on what Angela said, you know, I think the. The image. The image of the streetwise, kind of dangerous, kind of hip, kind of cool gangster slash rapper has been refined over the years to a point where it's become kind of, for a while there in the. Was kind of ubiquitous in a lot of music videos and all that stuff. So that archetype has become very
It. I really think it's a good idea to suggest it again because not only are there, you know, you can learn about urinary ancestry, but there are also genetic markers that you might need to know, too. Things that could be beneficial, like, to you and maybe your children, or even if you have a sibling and their children or whatever. So, I mean, there are things that it does help with. So I'd like to do it
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:08
I don't know if you've seen that TikTok trend, but them white boys on TikTok this winter have been whiteboying in a good way, and I like it. And like you were saying, jacqueline, that I might have missed my Meghan and Harry moment. I possibly could have. Who knows? Who knows? I will say this, though. It did inspire me afterwards to consider dating differently, which I dated. I met my ex husband shortly after
Shawna Kearsley
@OnAcornBay · 4:41
Do they expect us to work, work, take care of the family? Are black men, do we have the same family values any longer? In terms of family values? There's so many, there's so many, there are so many questions for specifically our black men. Accountability. And I do agree that we're talking about it from race, but we're talking about love, and that does a different thing to it. Yeah, this is great. Thank you so much, Larie
Shawna Kearsley
@OnAcornBay · 4:58
I'd like to date an asian man. Yeah, I would. Artists like. Artists asian? Yeah, something like that. I think that would be quite fun. So this is kind of how we look at it right now. And now we're dating the people, the person, if they're engaging and inviting and you've got standards and we're older, we recognize red flags and all that. Business. But that was my journey. And thank you so much for hearing
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 4:56
So the idea that because your mother is a black woman, now, a black man is supposed to automatically love and cherish a black woman, maybe that black woman has done some things that has turned her son off, and is he allowed to say that without being assuming that he was raised by a black queen? So why would he not want to marry a black queen? And so there's that piece. But I think that's also good. How you say you've dated exclusively outside your race
Shawna Kearsley
@OnAcornBay · 4:51
It puts a hurting on you. And it makes your head really crazy. So it's really neat. And I wanted to share with you that when I went to college. I wanted to get as far away right as I could. And when I went to therapy, that was one of my first things I did. Because the therapy, I guess, was included. I don't even know how I got there, but, God. And it was the first thing I did
Angela Kaye
@AnngieKaye · 2:38
And from what I can imagine, it had to be something from the backyard because this was not in America. And you certainly can't just bring a 13 year old to get an abortion without some questions being asked. Right? And so I was mentioning in that reply that those type of things could become more prevalent because of the availability of this pill now
Shawna Kearsley
@OnAcornBay · 0:50
You. I am definitely look forward to our next step. I think this is just going to be a really healthy thing that brings conversation roundtable, that brings value to the situation at hand. And on a happier note, I left a tag here and I think you're going to enjoy it. It's a couple and a proposal and it's an interracial couple, but it's not an interracial thing. Right
