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@changemakers

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@Wordsmith
Sreeja V
@Wordsmith · 1:06

Have we lost the art of true Listening? ‘The Listener’ Colin Smith in conversation.

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So Colin is on swell today to help us understand if we have truly lost the art of listening, and if we have, how can we get back on track and why listening is such an important part of culture building, of being able to share ideas and, of course, of feeling heard and valued. Welcome, Colin. We live in an age where social media influences culture to a great extent

#artoflistening #leadership #listeningskills #changemakers #Founder

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@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 1:42
And therefore, we're in a much better position to reply from a place that, again, is very different. It has an impact feel about it. Is that as in, I'm starting to get you because I'm really listening to you? So that's my first thoughts on the subject
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@Wordsmith
Sreeja V
@Wordsmith · 1:01

@TheListener

Given that we are embracing technology in many ways to stay connected, how do we continue to sort of foster the art of listening even in this sort of environment? And how would we adapt and make sure that effective listening happens even under these sort of constraints, which is virtual connections that we built with people across the world?
@Swell
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15

Welcome to Swell!

@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 1:27

@Wordsmith

Thank you, sweetheart. Yes, good question. I think the it's all about our presence, our total be totally being present with the person when we're listening to their reply and how we then foster our response. So at the moment I'm sitting here, I've even got my eyes closed so that I can hear all that you've said and all of the feeling behind it, or as much as I can
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@Wordsmith
Sreeja V
@Wordsmith · 1:35
Colin, you have mentioned in an article about listening, hearing or cocreating on your blog that we are conditioned to believe that speaking is the way to succeed and there are plenty of training courses available on the subject. You've said, have you ever heard someone say, I'm going to give them a right listening to as opposed to giving someone a right talking to? Now. I found this very interesting how the importance of listening and the benefits of the same are often underestimated when in fact
@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 1:30
But more often it's a lot longer and it causes them to stop and think. And then usually the question comes what's the difference between isn't listening? Aren't we all able to listening? And the reality is we don't. We all hear very well, pretty much the majority of us, but very few people actually listen. So question, when was the last time you felt really hurt?
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@GeorgieDee
Georgie Dee
@GeorgieDee · 3:38

@TheListener @Wordsmith Listening should be taught

And this is what happens again to women as men interrupt them. They cut them off. They overtalk them. So I think there's a two pronged thing here. I think everyone in society needs to learn a listening skill that should be taught in schools. And secondly, I would like to see the differences in the gender divide with communication be addressed in education as well. I think education opens doors. I would. That because I'm a teacher
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@Her_Sisu
J.L. Beasley
@Her_Sisu · 3:57
And that's what conversations are starting to feel like now that two people are either on the same virtual platform or in the same space or on the same phone call and they're just having parallel conversation but really not seeking to understand and leaning in to listen to one another and hear one another where they are coming from. I look forward to hearing more response us to this thread and more insight from you, Colin. Thank you again to the person who has invited you on to this platform to share
@Wordsmith
Sreeja V
@Wordsmith · 1:50

@TheListener

Colin, thank you for this perspective and very true, I think in our DayToday sort of communications with those that are nearest to us, our loved ones, I think we do very often and get into a hearing mode than a listening mode and I think I'm guilty of doing that as well, though I think it depends on the subject and the context as well. But by nature I am a listener and I have been a listener, right from a young age
@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 2:21

@GeorgieDee

Hi, Georgie. Really good to meet you, too. And I hear you. The point you made specifically, really, is that who listens to the listener? And I do noticed that quite a lot. I'm blessed by some lovely people around me who will listen to me when I need to listen and pick it up. From what you said about needy people that you work with yeah, there's an awful lot of needy people. They just need to be heard
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@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 3:16
So I think that's an important element and love how you noticed the assumptions that you are making. And the reality is that everyone we talk to is different. The next time we talk to them, as we are, we've all learned a bit more, said a bit more, shared a bit more, heard a bit more. So we are different
@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 2:11
And I get a sense that in your quietness, where you're listening, absorbing, understanding, where you don't have the need to speak, which is I don't need it to speak to get anything. That when you've heard and it settles, you're also listening to that inner voice. And that's where you get spoken. And that's why when you speak, it is received well because it is valuable. And yes, we need more of that
@omaniblog
Paul OMahony
@omaniblog · 2:57
And you're interrupting me by coming into my life with words and staying around long enough for your words to sink in, sinking in words that's when you talked about the 3 seconds sinking in came to me. They are very nice to meet you. Very nice, yeah
@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 2:18
But actually, I do wonder at times whether we miss out on so much because unless you're how do you ever go really deep? Because what was interesting is how left to you thinking, which you get the chance without interruption, you were able to take the conversation in quite a deeper place. And when I'm listening at my best, then the conversation does go deep much more rapidly. And so I wonder, are we missing something when we do this interrupting too much?
@omaniblog
Paul OMahony
@omaniblog · 1:46

@TheListener

As I listen to you talking about what we miss when we interrupt. And of course, you're absolutely right and taking the conversation conversation deeper, maybe uncertainty is one of the routes to more satisfying conversations. I would submit what I thought about is my own family, my wife's family interrupt each other very frequently. So, for example, they might start out somebody might start out thursday week I went to the cinema and somebody else will say, it wasn't Thursday, it was actually Wednesday
@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 1:39
I love it. I love your story. And it just proves that so, lovely phrase, isn't it? That we're not listening to understand, we're listening to correct or listening to reply, or listening to whatever, which that is really all about, hearing rather than listening, because there's a big difference, but also a sense that it's kind of we react in the moment
@omaniblog
Paul OMahony
@omaniblog · 3:37
To pay attention to another person, really to pay full attention means to put aside all of your own thoughts or wishes and immerse yourself in what the other person is saying. So that what you have to say if and when you do say something emerges from what the other person has said rather than jumps in on top of it and alters it in some way. There is, after all, the question, as you've rightly raised how do you know that you have been understood?
@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 2:56

@omaniblog

You put it in such a beautiful way, and it was like, yes, that's so true. Really. Lands and then you ask that lovely question, how do you know that you've been understood? Or that I understand? I feel understood. Some of it is about the reminder, as you said, the summarizing. I think some of it is about the feeling we get. There's almost this knowing, and there's also that encouraging. I'm being encouraged to speak some more
@omaniblog
Paul OMahony
@omaniblog · 4:59
I have mixed in the company with some people in my life with whom I am very much in, let's say, disagreement. And it isn't superficial, it's significant. I mean. Let us assume for a second that I'm in the company. This is going to happen to me and somebody says something derogatory about women. Or about a woman or about a man or anybody. And I'm listening to them and instead of saying. I don't agree with you
@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 3:47
Thank you, Paul, for adding to the conversation and also adding to the thinking. Yeah. When I listen to what you've said, I think there's something very precious about giving someone your full attention. Not sure I understand the word noble, but for me, I still sit with that. It's an act of caring, an act of love for another person that you do that and the other point you make about possible manipulation. Yeah, it's an interesting thought
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@BasTalk
Aayan Banerjee
@BasTalk · 2:46

@Wordsmith @TheListener

Now I've lost out on a lot of opportunities because by the time I analyze process to come up with an intelligent thoughtful response I'd lost the person's attention. We are surrounded by people who have micro attention spans lasting milliseconds and it could be a customer, it could be a manager, it could be a supervisor, it could be a colleague. They want to speak, they don't want to listen
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@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 2:27

@BasTalk

And the deal is that I will listen to you, I will not interrupt you, I will not try and fix or offer any solutions. And whatever we share is confidential. And that person speaks. And it's what they want to talk about, that they want to talk about, and so they just talk about it. And at the end of it, you switch over and it's returned. So it gives each of us an opportunity to listen, to think
@BasTalk
Aayan Banerjee
@BasTalk · 3:11

@TheListener

So I know, I'm just not trying to argue endlessly labor the point, but all I'm saying is in social settings, in person, when you're meeting with your friends, one can set such boundaries and these boundaries sometimes are adhered to. Think of, for example, sparring the house. When you're in a state of anger, you are in a state of an excited mind, then the framework goes out of the window
@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 3:01

@BasTalk

And little by little, this person has felt more and more heard, more and more valued, more and more confident, such that they become more interested in my friend sometimes, and I know this is true across the board, everyone wants to be heard, wants to feel valued. And I think it has got to a stage where actually more and more, not only more and more, but we're more and more desperate to be heard
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@TheListener
Colin Smith
@TheListener · 1:29
I also think that listening, properly listening, active listening, where you intend to listen, should be taught in schools and colleges, and where I know it is being taught is being received very well. But what happens is that we're not taught to listen. So we're just here and we're just hearing, just to hear the words. And unfortunately, a lot of speakers are not very good at speaking or teaching, and therefore they don't make it interesting, engaging or anything like that
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