And then do you set those boundaries or those expectations with people up front, like, hey, this is what I consider friendship, or this is what I expect from family? Or do you just kind of show them by example? Do you lead by example, by the things that you do, the actions that you take, the way you reach out?
October Selfcare
@Selfcare · 0:25
I'm I think every situation is different. I think quality time is spent with someone that you really care about and doing the things that y'all like doing. And I understand that when someone shows up in my life, I like to do, like, certain stuff. It really doesn't matter, long as we having fun and laughing
Carly D
@Astroality · 0:50
And I think the important thing is that you actually do take the time to connect. Like you said, every situation is a little bit different because people's personalities are a little bit different. I just appreciated the simplicity of the thought of it. Like, yeah, as long as we're having fun, we're having a good time, like, we're contributing to something to each other. That's what it's about. I appreciate it. Thanks so much
Nidhin George 🔷
@geo_rhymes · 2:41
Hey, Carly. Great question. A multidimensional question to answer, so right. But first, before I answer, let's nail something down. In order for me to really show up for someone else, this someone else has to really matter to me. So I think it's fair to say that we'll operate under the assumption that this person in question is a priority and definitely not the average friend that I have. And this person really matters to me, right?
You have the friend that you can go do things with but you can't have the thinky thinky or the heartfelt conversations and then you have the friend that you can have those thinky thinky heartfelt but not the silly conversations or whatever, right? And because there's these different kinds of friendships, different levels of different dynamics, et cetera, then you're going to have different expectations, I guess, of what they will or will not offer, what you will or will not offer
But I think that it's important for everyone to show up and be present when dealing with others no matter who it is. Like I said before, just honoring another person. Thank for this topic. It was great. Have an awesome day
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:47
And I think if you can't have the conversation with someone, then it's really hard to come to that space, right? Because you're right. Some people, for them, they need you to buy them gifts. And some people need physical affection. Some people need to hear that you love them, want them, need them, respect them, whatever. And some people, it's just about, no, just give me your time and we'll be good, right?
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:44
And I think that it's important to have both because I know that you can't really lean on the fun friends who are just like that surface level friendship. And the people that you can really lean on, they're not really interested in the surface level. You maybe every once in a while, but typically they're looking for a lot more depth, especially if you have longevity in the friendship or the connection, whether it's a friend or romantic or otherwise
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:27
It's like actually being with that person, giving them your undivided attention, even if it means for an hour over lunch or if it's a three hour conversation at their home when they're having a lot of difficulties. I think it's just a real gift to be able to have people in your life who are there to really support you, really understand, really try to give the very best that they can to you
Jordan Tepper
@JordanTepper · 4:19
If somebody says, this is important to me, I want you to be there for this. You go, you show up, or you better have a really good excuse why you're not going to make it if I tell you, hey, I want you to come to this. I want you to be there for me. I feel really down and I just want somebody to talk to. I feel an anxiety attack coming in
Carly D
@Astroality · 3:00
But when you were talking about this, I almost would rather somebody didn't bother giving me something if it's going to be something super generic that they just ran in and grabbed off the shelf. If it's supermarket flowers, I'm in just the stuff that has intent behind it, because I can literally feel the intention right when somebody gives me something, whether they meant it in an intentional, thoughtful way or whether they're just doing it because they feel obligated
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 4:18
We didn't speak boundaries, and I have had friends that didn't show up, meaning they weren't there if you had something going on or they don't respond and they phase out, they just fade out. You stop inviting them to the dinner, or you stop trying to reach out if somebody's not being there for you. So you ultimately end up giving back what they're given, which is nothing or hardly anything. That's been my experience anyway
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:26
And I think that that is so important because I think oftentimes, often times vibes go overlooked because we just expect the other person to be able to vocalize the fact that they need support, they need assistance, they need attention, they need advice, they need love, whatever. Right? And I feel like when you have really good, really close friends, even through a text message, you can tell that it's like something is off
Jordan Tepper
@JordanTepper · 2:10
I have a really sick sense of humor, and I would appreciate what they're sending. If you don't get a GIF or a meme from me that is potentially offensive to the majority of people. It means I'm not quite sure about you yet but once you send me something that would offend 95% to 100% of people world we're there. I know that we're there
Jordan Tepper
@JordanTepper · 2:13
You. Renee, I don't know if you know this, but I look forward to seeing your responses to people because you are insightful, meaningful, and heartfelt, and I really enjoy hearing responses. And I feel like I've always been an old soul. I'm 41 right now, and I've always had friends that are older than me. I have friends that are younger than me, but I don't necessarily relate to younger than me
Carly D
@Astroality · 0:52
You. Okay, so I have to tell you something, because everyone in my circle calls me the meme queen because I'm obsessed with memes. I love to send them. I love to read them, and they crack me up so much. I mean, literally, people will hear me laughing at my phone or whatever, and they're like, oh, my God, here goes Carly with her meme. O'clock, they crack me up. I love them so much
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:19
So just being to be able to be that type of friend and careful of judgment I wanted to mention because those are the ones that I'm going to keep close in my circle. The ones that can look at a situation I'm in and not judge my decisions. Like not think, oh, she's stupid, or oh, whatever that underlying thing, right? Because I've had friends suddenly start to do that as well, even though you haven't judged theirs
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 1:14
Ah. So I had a friend you just reminded me of something with your response. I had a friend that Daily would send me hilarious, hilarious. Usually something about sex, but inappropriate, inappropriately hilarious. Memes. Daily loved her. Loved her. And she passed away lump in the throat suddenly, of a heart attack. And one of the things that bothered me the most right after she passed, oh, don't Cry is not getting those texts every day
Renee Slay
@Renee_Slay · 3:03
Oh, my God. I just heard what you said to me. I hadn't heard it yet when I posted the last response. That is so freaking sweet. Like, that just like I'm already on the verge of tears, sir. Thank you so much. That oh, that means a lot to me. That truly means a lot to me. Get it together. I'm never as emotional as I am on here on Swell
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
DAYDAY Mcclenton
@KINGPOPOFLA · 2:09
To me. Thank you. First off, let me say thank you for inviting me to you. Swell. And my name is King Pop. And showing up for people mean when they need you to be there, you show up for them if you got the time, you know what I'm saying? Most people say they be there nowadays and they got nothing but time, but they still don't show up, you know what I'm saying?
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:05
You never know what your presence in someone's day, especially in those uphill moments of life is going to do. And if they reach out to you specifically, that means that they believe that you are the person who can give them the best advice, give them the best comfort, give them the best love. Or like you said, just be in the quiet sometimes. You don't need anything from other people
You. Yes. Good afternoon, and blessings to you and yours on this beautiful Tuesday. I think it's Tuesday, but yeah. What does it mean to show for others? I have experienced both sides. I experienced being there are at a very timely matter for a person. Like, literally, I knew I was led by God for a particular reason at that moment. And God always placed people in my life in situations when I needed them. He worked through them to help me
Carly D
@Astroality · 1:56
But it is on me if I continue to stay and be taken advantage of. So I feel like taking care of myself is by letting people go, even though it might hurt, even though it might sting, even though they might get upset, it might be the right thing to do just to save my own sanity, right? And I'm not talking like one time something happens and I'm freaking out. I'm talking like people. You know who they are
It my circle. This is my scribe seven. My circle got super small, and it wasn't any of my doing. I didn't have to kick anybody out. It's just I got married at 23, so I was providing for a family, so I couldn't keep, like, hanging down the firehouse and all that. Plus I was drinking a lot, just Mike. I bought that home from college
Carly D
@Astroality · 3:45
I would so much rather have those kinds of people. And my problem was Mike. I kept my circle like a d*** fishing net. It was Mike. Anything and everything that I could catch, I let it in. Even like the bottom feeding crap, all they do is just grub, right? All they do is mooch. And for the longest time, I would always be like, oh, it's okay, it's okay. Things are happening for them
Augustine Hicks
@GODISTHRIFTY · 2:01
You're never showing up in a costume, in a fakeness or a part that is not really you, you're always showing up for yourself, just like now. That is my granddaughter, we're out here riding her mike and part of me showing up for her is doing what I want to do and then enjoying the evening with her as well. So thank you again Carly for the great question. Hashtag god is thrifty nothing wasted in the kingdom? Thank you
Carly D
@Astroality · 2:37
And that's okay because I got to be honest, if I had to manage every single person on this planet and their feelings and their emotions and their connections, I'd crush under the weight, right? But I do know one thing is for sure. Everybody that I care about when they go to sleep at night, they know that I care about them